Posted by qbsbrown on April 2, 2010, at 18:12:13
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by morganator on April 2, 2010, at 17:35:54
> You were banned from talking about what's going on with you?!! Dude, that is NOT cool at all. You need support more than ever right now. I hate when people don't want to hear about negative things. I mean, when they are doing pretty good, they should have even more patience and tolerance for dealing with someone's issues. I f*ck*ng hate this world.
>
> Man I can relate somewhat to what you are going through. I really hope you at least find a medication that will help you feel better. I'm not sure if benzos are a good long term solution. I'd be concerned about what they are doing to my brain. Then again, I guess we should be concerned about what any medication is doing to our brains in these archaic times in psychiatry.Yes, I was banned, and have been banned again. Have been threatened, if i speak of suicide, or my voice that talks/instructs etc about suicide, if i mention that, i will be kicked out, taken to a homeless shelter etc. Other family members never want to hear the words psychosis or schizophrenic symptoms from me, or do not want to receive any emails in which they see as obsession.
I'm supposed to pick myself up by my boot straps and go get a job.
I am or have never been a violent or suicidal person in my life, but when you listen to your voice telling you too, that you're not supposed to be here etc, it's hard not to listen, and i had developed elaborate plans and asked all of my family to let me go. For my mother to see what i was going through, she almost reluctantly agreed to let me go, as the pain i was dealing with 24/7 was too overwhelming.
I had on a whim climed the mountains of utah, with no plans of coming down. I could only see the past, and i'd say/yell, "don't show me that", or i'd hear conversations with Drs or family members, and i'd say/yell, "don't talk to them", or i'd see the future etc. I did anything a madman would. danced like a native american, sat under a tree, similar to a bodhi tree as did buddha where he gained enlightenment. My brain was so messed up from the cold turkey, if i closed my eyes, i couldn't see anything, i could only see the past, and i could only hear my own voice.Unfortunately there were no meds that helped. The antipsychotics, even clozaril etc. Only after ECT, and back on benzos, maybe trileptal, i don't know, some is better. I would LOVE some more ECT, but I can't get the money to do so. Hence me thinking going up to the mountains, away from people, may calm many converssations and intrusive memories.
poster:qbsbrown
thread:941095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100328/msgs/941849.html