Posted by uncouth on December 29, 2009, at 21:02:54
Hi,
I posted a few days ago about 'rejection sensitivity' and I guess this is just more of the same. I'm curious as to what medications help with resilience. I have climbed, every so slowly, from a prolonged, suicidal depression (23 sessions of ECT didn't help) over teh past year, and I finaly feel like i'm back to my baseline level of dysthymia (out of the pit but into the muck so to speak). But I've found that the smallest things are just destroying me, and brining back even suicidal thoughts.
It is incredibly hard to function. I am applying to business schools, waiting to hear back from a job, in the middle of a move, trying to quit smoking, so things are very stressful and nothing is pinned down in any part of my life, which doesn't help, but being pummeled by every little thing doesn't help things at all! Today I got back some comments on my business school essays (for Wharton), and I could hardly even read them. It's not like I'm a terrible writer (but the lithium certainly doesn't help things) but I could barely even read the constructive criticism, I just felt like sh*t, like I did a bad job. I've got over a week to finish them up before deadlines, so I need to revisit them, but this lack of resilience is really making thing sdifficult.
I've found this recently in other parts of my life too, social, relationship, etc. I pray, and that helps, sometimes. But the sheer anxiety that comes upon me and the inability to shrug things off is so destructive. Like I said, I feel like i've made good progress from wanting to die for months to where I am now, but how do I get rid of this *sensitivity* to everything.
I will accept comments on my mess of a drug regime too :) but please note that I'm seeing my pdoc in a week or two so maybe he'll have some adjustments. I thought Antipsychotics were supposed to help with this kind of thing?
I guess the whole point of this post is to ask whether an SSRI, specifically serotonin related med, is what i'm "missing" (that's my intuition right now).
Wellbutrin 600mg (brought me out of the depths and made me functional)
Zyprexa 5mg (eliminated the throbbing pain, and suicidal ideation, and ruminative thoughts)
Abilify 5mg (attenuates Zyprexa appetite increase quite well!)
Agomelatine 25mg (because i'm an agomelatine psychonaut...and helps with sleep. not sure about it's a/d effect though)
Tianeptine 50mg daily (on it for a little over 2 weeks. not sure about it. as i said in previous post, i am enthralled by it's theoretical actions)
Memantine 10mg daily (tapering slowly off...not necessary for me to be on and hasn't helped anything as far as I can tell)I've been off of 300mg of lithium for about two weeks, as well. Not sure it was doing anything for me and was making me a bit cloudy and made it hard to write well. Killed creative thoughts too.
Anyway. I know that more is not always best, so I don't need another lecture about excessive medication (I get it, i get it), but I do want to know if it would be worth adding an SSRI or switching from Zyprexa to Symbyax. I'm going to talk to pdoc about this idea at next meeting but would be curious to hear from others.
My diagnosis is Bipolar 2. High dose SS/NRIs make me hypomanic and I haven't been on one in 5 months.
I just could *DEAL* with so much more, and have such a better life, if I was just more resilient!
Thanks as always. Thanks.
-Sad Uncouth
poster:uncouth
thread:931503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091227/msgs/931503.html