Posted by uncouth on December 22, 2009, at 18:23:11
Things are getting bad again. I don't know if it's the holidays, the major and minor rejections i've been getting the last few weeks ,or the quitting smoking. Probably a combination of the three. But my complex drug regimin that kept me out of suicidal-land for the last 2 months isn't doing the trick anymore. I am resisting an urge to smoke but damn do I want one now.
My regimen I feel did a good job of taking away the constant, throbbing negativity and depressive pain. But it did nothing for the lack of positive affect or hope or optimism. That has been gone from me for so long, so very long.
I guess the point of this post is two fold. Are there any medications that help with rejection sensitivity? Are SSRIs good for that? Right now I'm not on one. I know it's part of the atypical depression constellation, but after getting stabilizied for a few months, I am exquisitely sensitive -- any small rejection or disappointment sets off a big mood reaction.
Secondly, what to do about the lack of positive affect. Anything? I'm already on a high dose of wellbutrin. Optimism, fun, excitement...nothing...i feel none of it and haven't for so long.
God saved me this summer from taking my life. I was close, very very very close. ECT didn't do it, drugs didn't do it, the pain I was in was so intense and so refractory to treatment that the only way I can understand how I got through it was through God. And note my faith was weak during that time too.
But now I feel unmoored, dangling, with no, zero, zilch hope for the future, no ideas of how to get some, and feeling trapped, drowning, pummeled by life's barbs. Not being able to handle even the most simplest and benign disappointments and failures. It just never ends, and the worst part is I know the more time I spend in this state, the more pains I take, probalby the more difficult it is to rise above and out.
God please help me again get through this. I don't know what's on the other side, but you saved me once please save me again.
-uncouth
I'm on zyprexa, abilify, tianeptine, high dose wellbutrin, memantine, sam-e, deplin, and tapering off of lithium
poster:uncouth
thread:930381
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091217/msgs/930381.html