Posted by delna on November 20, 2009, at 2:44:52
Hi,
I really need help on this new one. I'm back with my problems again. Sorry. :(I originally wrote this for Scott (who does not seem to be around) on one of my threads so forgive me if you have read it already. But I am desperate for some insight.
I know I need a good pdoc but I don't have one right now and even if I do go to the UK or US its not going to take a week at least to organize (also depending on when I can get appointments). I'm finding it really hard to hang on and now I am feeling that there may be no point in bothering since I feel my chemistry is so random and messed up that nothing can help.Right now, my symptoms are changing daily even though I am on the same drugs. Most days I have been completely exhausted, but then suddenly one day I become much more awake but with bad anxiety. Again that passes and back to exhaustion. All this with no drug changes at all.
Now the terrifying thing seems that I am suddenly not tolerant to even 200mg of Provigil- it is giving me palpitations. I need stimulatnts to stay awake. Pre- Parnate, I was on 400mg + other stimulating things with no problems(that was around 5-6 weeks ago.) My anxiety never presents with palpitations so it's definitely not the anxiety.
The same thing happened to me post stopping Geodon- I suddenly couldn't tolerate even 25mg of Provigil (whereas I was used to 300-400mg daily.)
Regardless to say I was a zombie for 6 months but somehow not depressed at all. During this time I regularly re-challenged myself with 25mg Provigil and found that it gave me extreme palpitations- I needed Inderal(beta-blocker) 80mg in one go to control it. I discovered that I couldn't take any drug that touched NA- not even an SNRI like cymbalta. I went to the US to my pdoc because of this and he didn't know what to do either- he said to try abilify for wakefulness. His hands were tied, there was nothing he could do.
Just before starting Abilify, I randomly re-challenged myself with Provigil and found I was tolerant again. So I slowly upped the dose to 400mg and added the wellbutrin 300mg. I felt awake again but a few months later I suddenly became very depressed (induced by my period) and suicidal. It was very random. I had no anxiety even though I was on at these stimulating agents (the only difference between then and now is that I was on lexapro 10mg) I had to give that up before starting Parnate.Now I am daily(or every few days) fluctuating wildly. Yesterday I needed to knock myself out with Klonopin whereas a few days ago I was sleeping 20 hours with no dose changes.
I am scared to try the Prozac (which my pdoc here said okay to) because I feel every time I try something new my chemistry (which is already so weird and unstable) changes dramatically. So I really don't want to mess with drugs- especially since I am prescribing them to myself. But I am getting worse so I need to understand this. Is my constitution so freaky that there is no point in trying at all? Because trial and error doesn't work for me- it takes me months just to adjust to a drug being removed (plus the withdrawal itself)
My diagnosis is BP rapid cycling so i don't know if its just that and if I need another mood stabilizer. But even that doesn't make sense as I am not getting highs and lows, just fluctuating between exhaustion and anxiety.
Furthermore, if I'm again intolerant to the most vital drugs I take (stimulants) then I have really reached a dead end. Even if a sleep disorder is diagnosed, unless it is sleep apnea, stimulants are the treatment. So I don't know if there is any hope left.
Does anyone understand this strange phenomenon at all. My pdoc can't explain it (nor does he even try to)
I feel my problem is not just TRD but complicated by the fact that I am over sensitive to side effects like sedation and always seem to get the rarest side effects of drugs (TD on Geodon, Narrow angle glaucoma and near blindness on Topamax etc.) Plus every drug dramatically changes my chemistry and i have to wait months for things to resettle.Is there any hope? Could ECT maybe fix this and reset my chemistry?
Any thoughts really appreciated.
Thanks
DPS: Sorry for the long thread and for just being so problematic in general.
poster:delna
thread:926292
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091117/msgs/926292.html