Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 15, 2008, at 0:09:03
Loggin in...
_____________________________________________You know, i know my posts are a bit annoying now, because when a person talks about something over and over.....duh, it get's annoying because "there helpless", sorry...
What i'm directly experiencing right now is the rejection of almost everyone, not "litterally", but.....you know, to say this online....and to me people just read it as sentence, the horrid feeling of being lost, left behind, and didnt know why.....and the dyphunction i have with everyday....
I'm tired of who i am, 5 years ago, i asked the same thing. Sometimes, a simple awnser can take years...to just understand something so simple.
But in result, i just am a normal looking person, but overtime, the feeling of existing is boring...leave this lopsided life, and make a new one. But youknow, like I already said, the brain litterly could not take that intense rejection, and the pain of not living normal, and having to constanly think what i'm doing is correct, otherwise....if i just relax, there is 7 fold errors, problems.
The only way, i see, dont look staight, or in present, look upward, forget what has been done, dump it, and go for goals. I've always, have been forgetful, forgetful, because, it's the belief system that i learned, that my mom "told me, your helpless, i have take of you" Excuse me....you drove so nut's, i can't take reality sometimes and alter ego's have compassion, talk like me, but it's a switch. But....the world is cold, cold people leave people in cold, let em die...that's how it is in this world. A warm spirit, revives life.
I'll leave at this....in life, , your mind can set up almost a network, do your own thing, for the benefit of the future (success). Anaylze someone very quickly and know their real intention, if you smell a rat, smile, but dont associate with them.
It's just anger, with deep [unexplainable hurt, no one would understand it...] so, a guy's heart should be stable waters, like a bringt sunny day at the beach, everything is calm, good, enjoyable. Not raging water's that claim emotions, so basically, my heart is deep, but look at the bright side, sometimes i can just sense someone's pain's they put away, because it's deep pain.
I'm blogging....dont respond. Just some of my thoughts.rj
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:868846
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081214/msgs/868846.html