Posted by Molybdenum on April 5, 2008, at 20:43:29
In reply to Severe OCD? Need feedback please, posted by shocker147 on July 25, 2003, at 23:08:48
Well....when I was about 12 or 13 yrs old I used to rush into my bedroom & then look into the corners of the ceiling looking for spiders. I really hated spiders - at least the big ones we had. They weren't actually tarantulas or otherwise poisonous to humans. They were just big & fast & freaked me out.
Australia is famous for a few things - Errol Flynn, kangaroos, and more of the most venomous animals on earth than anywhere else. So I used to count the corners over & over & over. I also used to turn taps off in a certain manner. I didn't tell anyone about this of course. I knew it was somehow "nuts".
One day I picked up this interesting looking book from the library called "The Layman's Guide To Psychiatry & Psychoanalysis" by Eric Burne (?). Anyway, he had little stories about people doing weird things which were really "text book" patients. I started reading a chapter & instantly recognized myself..!
It was such a trip to be reading about ME. I had what he was calling "neurotic behavior". If it impacted my life too much he would call it a neurosis. I think I was borderline. Would this be called OCD today?
I don't think I ever counted the corners or fcuked with the taps ever again. I just decided it was crap & I stopped it. I was angry at myself & I just stopped it.
I'm telling you this because I think it's important to know that it is indeed possible to do such things. As we (or at least I) get older we tend to tell ourselves what we can't do all the time. Back then I believed in anything that sounded interesting.
A few years later I started having trouble sleeping & was depressed a lot - at least I realize now that's what it was. I didn't seek treatment of course. So according to the book maybe I was "sublimating" / moved my stress to some other area. At least the sleeping was easier to treat as I didn't feel awkward telling the dr about it. So started me on the benzos....another story.
So I know this is probably not great advice to help you necessarily. Maybe with help from the right meds and knowing that you can feel that way and still stop, your brain might just decide to abandon it too one day...? You might just get fcuking angry & sick of it & see what happens.
OK - I'll stay out of it now. ;)
Good Luck....it sounds awful & mine sure was too.
M.
poster:Molybdenum
thread:245375
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080330/msgs/821787.html