Posted by spriggy on October 26, 2005, at 20:14:14
In reply to Re: just for the record... what would my diagnosis be?, posted by needesp on October 26, 2005, at 8:55:59
What do you mean by rituals to exhaust the obsessive thoughts?
I think possibly I do have that..
Another thing I do that I think is "abnormal" is I "rock" back and forth. When I feel super anxious (and uncomfortable) I will lay down on my side and rock back and forth.
I have done this since I was a kid to put myself to sleep at night-- I still do this.
Another thing I think is probably strange is feeling the uncontrollabe urge to count the lightposts that I pass while driving. I feel like I *HAVE* to count them and I don't, I get upset with myself.
Why would I give a flyin' flip how many lightposts are between my house and McDonald's?
I asked my husband some hard questions about me.. "What do you see in me that is not normal?" He hesitated to answer but he said that my need to wash my hands (and our chidlren's hands) constantly seems a bit "much."
He also noted how I obsessively clean the house/especially the kitchen sink/table. He said, " You wash the same spot for like 10 minutes!"
I have never put any of this "together" until lately when I think I am realizing there is really something wrong in my brain.
I definitely have serious "fear" problems too; horrific fear of being raped/murdered. When my husband is away for a conference overnight, I will stay awake all night because I am waiting on someone to come in my house attack me.
I didn't sleep in my bed by myself until I was 9 years old- and even after that point, would often crawl into my sister's bed in the night out of horrendous fear ( I would shake!).
I am the same way about airplanes.
I think this is hard for me to grasp- I have wanted to pretend that I am okay and that this is nothing but I am beginning to realize I can't pretend anymore.I am really grappling with all this because of my faith as a Christian. If I had enough faith in God, couldn't I overcome this??
I am struggling with this right now but I think I will go see a psychiatrist once our insurance kicks up again.
My dad is being committed into an institution right now so I think the realization of his severe mental illness is making me consider my own.
*sigh*
poster:spriggy
thread:571455
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051024/msgs/572209.html