Posted by linkadge on February 22, 2005, at 23:22:07
In reply to Re: Do We Have A Tolerance To All Meds?, posted by banga on February 22, 2005, at 21:31:28
I don't think this is the case with me.
Of course my case is different than others'
Generally, I just woke up, and all the effects of the medication had completetely ended. I certainly felt like I was taking something, but I just felt fuzzy, buzzed, and terrably disorganized.I was like my brain was saying a lot of things, but none of which correlated to what was happeneing in my life. I mean the feeling was completely "artificial" and so my brain rejected it.
The brain continually tries to match its emotions with its reality. Sad, during times of sadness, and happy during better times. If it does this properly, then it is sane. When it works seemlessly, your contiousness buys into it. The medications totally messed this process up, but I had enought grey matter to realize that this is not the way things are.
My grandmother died, I felt nothing. I didn't even think twice about it. Even though I had previously spend many years going over to her house to play the paino for her to lift her spirits in her old age. On medication I felt nothing.Asking around, I found that this sort of reaction was not uncommon at all. The blunting effect. SSrI's and emotional indifference. So instead of coming up with some bizzare reason for this lack of concern, I figured that this med induced state is not sanity. From that point on, my brain rejected it, all of it.
Oh I suppose some would say this is the depression. But I discontinued meds, then it hit me. All the memories of her care, and kindness. Her concern, and her love came back. I reaized what I had lost, and I was able to process that event more accurately.
SSRI's, are emotional anesthetics. But pain is there for a reason. A painless life would leave
things worse off. If your hand is on a hot grill, the pain is telling us to remove it. Sure, you could take morphine, and still hold on to that grill all you want. But lack of pain doesn't mean lack of danger.I cannot pysically cry on medications. As hard as I try, there is something physically "blocking" the crying process.
The list goes on. The ways that the medications dehumanize me, dulling me to the knocks and blows of normal life.
My brain just woke up one morning and said, these medications are giving my brain false messages. False senses of security, false senses of well being. Senses of being satisfied when dissatisfaction is actually advantagious. Not that they didn't do something for the worst of it, but they continually induce a state of mind that my brain is trying to wake up from.
They simply distract me from my problems. They say, hey!, lets think about something else. But the purpose of worry is so that a solution may be found. My problems aren't solving themselves by having my mind in la-la land.
Sure, I'm addicted to them now. Rats raised on prozac show signs of depression for the remainder of their life when the drug is removed.
I will need them for ever, and the likelyhood of my brain ever reacting appropriately to incoming emotional information is very slim.
The longer I live in the fantasy world created by the meds, the longer I become disconnected from my problems. The less I derive satisfaction and pleasure from that which merrits it, and the more I derive pleasure from nonsensicle neural activity.
Its really a cult of thought. Once you're in, you can't get out. I certainly don't think in terms of survival, as much as I think in terms of which meds will shape my world the way I want to see it.
Of course I am in the advanced stages of it all. I was a believer for a while. But like I said, I just woke up one morning and my brain said to the strongest medicine "I don't thing so"
Linkadge
poster:linkadge
thread:461988
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050222/msgs/462098.html