Posted by cache-monkey on December 11, 2004, at 0:45:06
Hey all,
So, I've been going through a bit of a bad spell. Lack of self-confidence, diminished thought capacity, anxiety, tiredness, social phobia, feeling cold and removed. Seems to happen every winter, but each time it gets worse.
The only way I feel better is when I drink alcohol. Evern during a "normal" phase (which is probably dysthymic/anhedonic), I've reflected to myself that I'll never feel as good as I do with two+ drinks in my system. I can think calmly, clearly, and confidently.
I definitely think I've self-medicated my way through various blue/anxious periods and situations with alcohol before. Not to the point of alcoholism, but repeated (3+ times per week) binge drinking. I realize that this is not good for me in the long run, and that it makes my depression worse. So I've basically stopped drinking altogether, except once every couple of weeks.
Tonight, after a long tired lonely day of doing nothing, I indulged at a party. After three beers, I was all of a sudden social, energetic, and able to access my interesting thoughts, which I haven't been able to do lately. I ended up having a six pack, decent conversations, and generally a good (but not at all out-of-hand) time.
I know that tomorrow I'm going to feel worse. I don't want to fall into a pattern of binge drinking again, for reasons already stated. But what I do want to know is what it is, in terms of brain chemistry, that I'm getting out of it. I think this will help my choice of medications in the future.
I've read that alcohol can affect dopamine and serotonin. But I'm a little unclear as to which is more affected, especially by large quantities of alcohol.
I'm leaning toward serotonin, since I also felt very good last time I was on an SSRI. (In which case, maybe it's time to go back into the land of weight gain and anorgasmia.) But does anyone know more definitively?
Thanks,
cache-monkey
poster:cache-monkey
thread:427605
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041206/msgs/427605.html