Posted by estorianna on November 15, 2003, at 16:52:40
In reply to Re: still with the dark thoughts..., posted by john1022 on November 13, 2003, at 19:42:37
Dear Linkadge and John,
I really appreciate your supportive and informative responses. I was very moved to read your words, they have helped me so much. Thank you, thank you. There is so much I want to still know but I don't know what to ask :-)...
I am pleased that you both feel that Effexor has helped many people. However, I still would like to see that people have more social support as well as medication. Even social support before medication. My feeling is that mind-altering drugs (both of the legal and illegal variety) cause damage to the brain. I am frightened by them being handed out without careful supervision. So little is known about how many of them work.
Yes, I believe the drug companies are prominantly interested in material gain and I can appreciate why people want to litigate in order to hurt them where it hurts them the most (financially). But I have no desire to do this myself. It is a difficult road and one my brother would not want me to do, I feel sure. No huge settlement will provide a feeling of comfort or justice having been done for my brother's death. Knowing that these drugs are heavily supervised and that there is someone to whom a patient can confidentially talk to at any time would give meaning to my brother's death and I believe save lives. But how I can begin to do that I have no idea.
However, the soaring number of depressive people in the Western world is a symptom of an ailing society of which you and I are a part. We are all a part of this problem. Learning to live with peace of mind in an insane world is so very difficult. We all have to deal with that, somehow. I was unavailable when my brother needed me and I have to come to terms with that. I do, however difficult this is. I know John that you so kindly wrote that my presence may have not been enough to have prevented my brother's suicide. But it might - and I think it would - however much I would love to believe otherwise. I also think I have to learn to deal with that and somehow grow from that. It is part of our social ailment to pretend we are not a part of that shadow which we do not like - but surely I need to learn to acknowledge it and live with it and embrace and forgive my failings so I can do this to others?
I also feel that our understanding of the mind is still so very simplistic. It was only in l998 that it was discovered that the neurons in the adult brain can regenerate. Up until that time we were fed the information (and believed) that adult brains continue to degenerate. That was only five years ago! It's like thinking the world was flat. This has turned neuro-scientific research on its head. So with new information we learn to think differently about how and who we are. Most of the medication used for certain conditions are found accidentally and the way they work is not understood. This is scarey and experimental. Psychology literally means 'the study of the soul' (not, as is now thought, the 'mind'). Well there's not much soul in mainstream psychology training today. I think we still have far too limited a notion of reality. I believe we can make magnificent changes within our own brains and bodies ourselves through changes in the way we act and think. Naive, maybe. Hopeful, yes! What if you were told that without a doubt, it was scientifically proven you could create chemical changes in the brain through deep relaxation that could provide the balance you need? That although difficult, with careful supervision and guidance you could do that? Indications are that this is highly likely. Can you imagine what this could do to the health industry (correction, ill health industry)? It wouldn't bare thinking about - which is exactly why it isn't - it is never thought about.
If I possibly can, I would like to be able to see a safer way of dispensing anti-depressants without those of you who want them to be prevented from having them. I would love to see the stigma which accompanies mental health to be dissolved. So many, far too many people suffer alone and in silence.But I have no idea how to do that. I would like my life from now on, guided by my brother's high, sensitive and ethical standards, to become more meaningful.I truly wish you both a soulful, meaningful journey in life and that you find the peace of mind you both deserve, that everyone in this community deserves as a basic human right. I feel very privileged to have made a connection with you both. Thank you for your wisdom and kindness.
With love and deep gratitude.
Estorianna
poster:estorianna
thread:279518
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031111/msgs/280080.html