Posted by BarbaraCat on October 25, 2002, at 0:18:31
In reply to Re: Lucid Description » BarbaraCat, posted by Ponder on October 22, 2002, at 21:49:47
Dear Ponder,
I relate all too well with your experiences. Especially the part about Effexor nearly doing you in without a mood stabiliser. When I was on Paxil a few years ago I started going downhill very fast and my pdoc kept telling me to increase it, increase it. The same with Effexor. Getting off them was hell, but I started really suspecting that I had an illness whereby SSRI's were very wrong for me. You mention you're on Wellbutrin. My experience with Wellbutrin, well, have you seen those gag glasses with the boingy eyeballs on a spring? That was me on WB. The one drug that made a big difference was Lithium, started this past Feb - the first mood stabilizer I tried. I had to convince my pdoc I was really Bipolar because of my bad experiences with AD's and the fact that I only saw him when I was depressed, so how could he know. You ask if my judgement is affected by my illness? Most definitely. I really need to keep a daily journal to remind me of the spectrum of my emotions. When I'm down, darkness is all I see and ever expect to see, but that isn't always the case.If you think you have Bipolar mixed states, then you know how dangerous AD's can be for us and how sensitive our wiring is. It sounds like you're on quite a high dose of Lamictal. Perhaps you don't need so much? I've read posts here that higher doses can cause agitation and irritability. I'm doing well on 50mg and the few times I've attempted to go higher I've gotten very irritated. Reducing eliminated the antsiness. Gee, Wellbutrin, well, you know my experience with it. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole. I could practically smell my neurons frizzling on it.
Topomax - done it and hated it. It made me feel anxious, angry, depressed, however, I've heard that Top and Lamictal may potentiate each other into a nice synnergy. I'm still on lithium but only 300mg and about 600mg Neurontin at night. I think my particular brand of illness needs mood stabilisers more than ADs and the different ones target different voltage channels, so taking more than one makes sense to me. I very strongly suspect that bipolars, especially mixed-states, respond better to electrical rather than chemical neuro-modulators.
I too do the yoga, fish oils, vitamins, exercise (not nearly as much as I'd like or need), meditate, and all the important life style things. These things are crucial but not enough alone. The only thing that has really made a major difference has been Lamictal combined with a benzo (lorezapam is my recent one). I don't recall your saying you take a benzo - do you? I continue to be amazed and delighted at how small a dose of Lamictal has changed my life, but I need that chill pill.
Sweetie, my heart hurts for you and for all of us poor hurting units. If it were me and I were you, this is what I'd do. I'd start a regular benzo regimen and begin very slowly reducing my meds, given each new level 3 weeks to acclimate. You might not need all of them and your liver will thank you. Resist suggestions by your pdoc to increase an AD, no matter what kind, and instead opt for a mood stabilization goal. Pdocs do the best they can but most seem to have Serotonin tunnel vision. At my last session my pdoc kept suggesting Effexor and I had to broken-record him saying 'No, I didn't do well on Effexor. Thanks, but I don't do well on SSRI type meds. I want to try Lamictal.' Over and over. If I hadn't become well informed, thanks to this Babble Board, I'd have recapitulated thinking 'doctor knows best' and presto-chango, bug-eyes here I come. I know I'm not saying anything you don't already know and your body knows what it needs. Sometimes it's good to bounce things off of others who have been there - I enjoy our chats alot - and honey, if you have mixed-states, then we've GOT to stick together! - BCat
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:31636
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021019/msgs/125134.html