Posted by akc on August 17, 2001, at 8:13:26
In reply to Re: Recurrent unipolar vs bipolar » akc, posted by Elizabeth on August 17, 2001, at 3:36:20
> That's very cool! Tell her that my training is in theoretical mathematics, please. (It's true. Topology and differential geometry.)
>I have no problem believing this -- I at one point was working towards a phd in mathematics, but couldn't hack it, so stopped at a master's and went on to become a dreaded lawyer!
>
> I think there are two kinds of addicts: self-medicators (usually alcohol or opiates) and thrill-seekers (usually cocaine or amphetamines). I'm sure there are some people who fit both descriptions. Also, self-medication can become thrill-seeking in the sense that once you discover there's a drug that not only alleviates your distress but also produces soaring euphoria, the euphoria can be quite compelling. At the same time, thrill-seekers can become self-medicators when they start needing their drug of choice to fend off withdrawal symptoms.
>I can confidently say I was never a thrill-seeker. When I drank, I didn't want to feel at all. Oh, at first, it helped me feel more part of the crowd, but most of the time, I was drinking to get rid of the icky feelings more than to feel good. And at the end, it was just to get away from it all -- and it had quit working, which was very sad. That's when I had to admit I needed help.
>
> So, what you need is ways to cope (probably including medication of some sort) that don't have harmful effects!This is a point I have been trying to get across to my treatment "team" (my therapist, pdoc and then two therapist that lead my group therapy) this week. We have taken away all my bad tools -- but I have these episodes that are so painful and I just don't have the strength to get through them any more. And I am certain that I haven't seen the last of them. Now I am still at the tail-end of one, so my thinking is not the most rational, but the thought of just enduring another episode is just too much. Just talking to my therapist, or calling a friend and saying I'm having a rough time doesn't seem to be enough. I try to play with my dogs or do other things to get out of myself but I'm not to successful when I am in that black pit (you know, 10 out of 10 on that depression scale). I'm not sure of the answer, but I know that this is going to be the focus of my therapy for the next few weeks.
>
> > Two bar exams and two extreme difficulties getting admitted to the state bars (involved hearings, etc. due to my mental illness).
>
> I think that's a travesty. They shouldn't discriminate like that.
>Don't get me started. If I ever get my strength up, this is my mission in life, I believe.
> > My current meds are: Lithium 300 mg am, 600 mg pm
> > Effexor XR 75 mg am
> > Seroquel 200 mg, 2x a day
> > Topamax 75 mg, 2x a day
> > and Trazadone 50 to 150 mg as needed for sleep (currently taking 50 due to the latest episode).
>
> What do you feel that each of these medications is doing for you?
>Good question. In all honesty, I am not sure most days. I would say the effexor is helping my depression, but then I keep having these horrible depressive episodes. Same thing with the lithium, which is also suppose to be helping with my agitated states (what my pdoc would label my "manias" -- it has taken me a while to accept this bipolar diagnosis). I know the trazadone does help me with my sleep when I am having problems, though I fight what dose to take. I have to be careful of not taking too much and oversedating myself for the next day. The seroquel has helped with some of the distorted thinking. I had great success with zyprexa with that -- but at a high cost -- I gained 70 pounds in a matter of a few months. She switched me to seroquel. It has not worked as well -- it would work better if I could take a higher dose, but upping it to 300 mg, twice a day, sedates me horribly. To early to tell what the topamax is going to do. One other thing -- because I have had repeated crises since I have been with this doctor, we have never had me at a steady state for any length of time to really be able to tell what any med is really doing. I will get a few weeks where I am doing well, then crash and burn. So I have had repeated med adjustments, changes, etc. Sigh.
Thanks for your response. I smiled to see you are a math nerd (said with all lovingness). There are not many around!
AKC
poster:akc
thread:74539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010814/msgs/75368.html