Posted by kerryB on July 22, 2000, at 1:34:11
In reply to Re: New diagnosis today-re DID » shar, posted by shellie on July 21, 2000, at 23:59:15
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> Shar, I really can't speak for Kerry (whether she has DID or not), but you are right on target in terms of there being diagnoses with similarity to MPD, but not MPD--the whole spectrum of dissociative disorders. I don't think though, it has much to do with wearing a conscous mask--I think dissociation is involuntary for the most part. It serves a very important, sometimes lifesaving function for some abused children, but then becomes really hard to unlearn it as a defense mechanism for an adult, even though it has outlived its usefulness.
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> The following is quoted from Joan Turkus, M.D.--the head of the dissociative disorders unit at a hospital in Washington, D.C:
> www.voiceofwomen.com/centerarticle.html (It's long, so feel free to not read it, if you're not in the mood).
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> "The essential feature of dissociative disorders is a disturbance or alteration in the normally integrative functions of identity, memory, or consciousness. If the disturbance occurs primarily
> in memory, Dissociative Amnesia or Fugue (APA, 1994) results; important personal events cannot be recalled. Dissociative Amnesia with acute loss of memory may result from wartime trauma, a severe accident, or rape. Dissociative Fugue is indicated by not only loss of memory, but also travel to a new location and the assumption of a new identity. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), although not officially a dissociative disorder (it is classified as an anxiety disorder), can be thought of as part of the dissociative spectrum. In PTSD, recall/re-experiencing of the trauma (flashbacks) alternates with numbing (detachment or dissociation), and avoidance. Atypical dissociative disorders are classified as Dissociative Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS). If the disturbance occurs primarily in identity with parts of the self assuming separate identities, the resulting disorder is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder.
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> The Dissociative Spectrum
> The dissociative spectrum (Braun, 1988) extends from normal dissociation to poly-fragmented DID. All of the disorders are trauma-based, and symptoms result from the habitual dissociation of traumatic memories. For example, a rape victim with Dissociative Amnesia may have no conscious memory of the attack, yet experience depression, numbness, and distress resulting from environmental stimuli such as colors, odors, sounds, and images that recall the traumatic experience. The dissociated memory is alive and active--not forgotten, merely submerged (Tasman & Goldfinger, 1991). Major studies have confirmed the traumatic origin of DID (Putnam, 1989, and Ross, 1989), which arises before the age of 12 (and often before age 5) as a result of severe physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse. Poly-fragmented DID (involving over 100 personality states) may be the result of sadistic abuse by multiple perpetrators over an extended period of time.
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> Although DID is a common disorder (perhaps as common as one in 100) (Ross, 1989), the combination of PTSD-DDNOS is the most frequent diagnosis in survivors of childhood abuse.
> These survivors experience the flashbacks and intrusion of trauma memories, sometimes not until years after the childhood abuse, with dissociative experiences of distancing, "trancing out", feeling unreal, the ability to ignore pain, and feeling as if they were looking at the world through a fog.
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> The symptom profile of adults who were abuse as children includes posttraumatic and dissociative disorders combined with depression, anxiety syndromes, and addictions. These symptoms include (1) recurrent depression; (2) anxiety, panic, and phobias; (3) anger and rage; (4) low self-esteem, and feeling damaged and/or worthless; (5) shame; (6) somatic pain syndromes (7) self-destructive thoughts and/or behavior; (8) substance abuse; (9) eating disorders: bulimia, anorexia, and compulsive overeating; (10) relationship and intimacy difficulties; (11) sexual dysfunction, including addictions and avoidance; (12) time loss, memory gaps, and a sense of unreality; (13) flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and images of trauma;
> (14) hypervigilance; (15) sleep disturbances: nightmares, insomnia, and sleepwalking; and (16) alternative states of consciousness or personalities."
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> She draws it out like this:
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> ____/_______________/_____________/____/______/___
> normal dis. dis.amnesia/fugue PTSD DDNOS DID
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> Anyway, I have the same lack of memories that you describe. I also have personalities inside, aged 3 to 10, with different voices than me,(you would never know if you talked to the three year old on the phone that she is not three). So I had been diagnosed with DID. But in more recent years both my therapist and my pdoc have put me into the DDNOS category because I have co-consciousness with the personalities. They don't do things that I'm not aware of, so probably technically they don't actually take over my personality. And they only get to talk at home or in therapy, so I do have that control. But a friend of mine definitely has DID, and one of her alters will call me, and she will not know that they called, or she will find herself somewhere and have no idea how she got there, or how long she had been there. I think I am more different from her, than I am from people without DID. That's why I like the idea of a continuum.
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> Do you feel that your lack of memories affects you now. I guess I'm asking whether you see yourself as still dissociating? I get frustrated because I still often can't feel my body, or feel hazy, and often things still don't feel real to me. And the depression on top of that. I guess I can say that things are a lot more in control for me that they used be, So that's something. Shellie
Hi Shellie,
Your post was very interesting and very imformative. I actually went into the site you had written from but with my mind at the moment, couldn't take much in except for the factI do relate to nearly all of those symptoms desribed. The sleepwalking has lessened I think due to the medication I am on. Apparently, the therapists out here prescribe Zyprexa for post traumatic sufferers before therapy begins as it somehow prepares them for it.
I feel I have what you have DDNOS with the PTSD in there as I am conscious of the different personalities and they appear when the need arises but funnily enough, the one that can't cope and loves peace and quiet is always present at home and I know it is there because I try my hardest to escape it but can't. But then if a visitor arrives, the carefree, fun loving one appears and it lasts until they have gone. People have told me that they have never known me to be ill in anyway (friends say this) and that's because the nice, caring one is present.
I don't know if I am making sense here as I am trying to understand all this myself.
I do feel unreal lots of the time, like I'm in there but looking out and I feel fogged up and I feel as though I am drifting like I am floating on a cloud.
When I have tasks to do I can honestly say, I do not know how I get them done. It's like someone else takes over and when the task is finally finished I think WOW how did I do that or did I do that?
I told my mother about my diagnosis and she denied the stuff that I can remember but on the other hand, my sister knows it was true what I had been through,. I related to her some of the newer flashbacks and she was surprised that I had never told anyone about certain things that happened.
I would like to understand, why these flashbacks are coming now when I had never ever thought about them until now.Is it my time to deal with them so I can get on with my life and find my true self, my real identity.
I must admit, I have several personalities that I am aware of but there are only two or three that I enjoy, does that sound strange.
I don't know, maybe I am talking in circles, I am at a loss at the moment, I feel like I am back in kindergarten trying to understand but can't.
Thanks Shellie and Shar for your input, it is greatly appreciated. First I am diagnosed as schizoaffective and now they say that was not the case, I was wrongly diagnosed as the psychs out here do not deal much with DID and related stuff. I actually had to fill out a questionaire that is going to be submitted to the USA with others so as our docs out here can become educated about the disorder. I was told that the USA is right on top of this which is good to know.
Anyway, hope I made some sense in there and thanks for sharing with me, it means alot to me.Kerry
poster:kerryB
thread:41087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000717/msgs/41165.html