Posted by harry b. on March 7, 2000, at 17:55:24
In reply to released from the fun house, posted by harry b. on March 5, 2000, at 17:31:11
Thanks for all the replies, I appreciate them.
I self admitted to a hospital with an excellant
reputation. I had to. The crying and obsessive
thoughts of suicide were overwhelming. Signing the
admittance papers was difficult. I was giving away
my freedom. But, I needed someone else to care for
me because I was no longer able to do it myself.When I was taken to the ward and the door was locked
behind me I rember thinking 'what the hell have I
gotten myself into ?'The first day I slept. Then I became resentful that
my belt, shoe laces, and razor had been taken from
me. I also felt humiliated that my bathroom door
was locked and I had to ask the staff to unlock
it each time I needed to use it.There is a level system. Patients who were deemed
psychotic or a danger to themselves or others were
classified a level 1 or 2 and were not permitted
to leave their rooms. Upon admitance I was a level
3. After one full day there I was increased
to level 4. My shoe laces & belt were returned and
my bathroom door was unlocked. I began to feel
more human.The ward had several huge skylights, several
comfortable seating areas, and is located in a
wooded, country setting.There were daily visits with a psychiatrist, and
sessions with a therapist every other day. Each
morning I was given a schedule of activities
(groups and classes) to attend. These were not
manditory but I decided to try to get as much out
of my stay as possible and attended a lot of the
sessions.On the third day the psychiatrist moved me to level
5. At that level I was permitted to leave the ward
and eat in the cafeteria, go along with staff on
walks outside the building, go to the snack machines
outside the ward, and go to the gym downstairs to
play some basketball or volleyball.On the ward we had a ping pong table, cards, a
relaxation room with big comfy chairs, books, a
stereo system with lots of CDs that were of a calming,
tranquil theme. We could reserve the room, lock it,
turn off the lights and relax.I found the groups and classes to be great. I
learned a lot, AND I felt very comfortable in
the setting. The staff were very caring people.
I made a few friends there. I've talked on the
phone twice with a great guy who was discharged
the same day I was. It's odd, other patients
were complaining about having to be there and
wanted to be discharged asap, I did not want to
be discharged. I felt safe there. I felt protected.
By my third day I was smiling and laughing more than
I ever had in the past 10 years. The doc had wanted
to discharge me after 4 days but I asked to stay
longer.If anyone needs to hospitalized and can travel to
south eastern Pa. I can provide the name & # of
this hospital.I am by no means cured, but I did gain some insights
and positivity. I am attending a day program
run by the same hospital, but at a facility that
is closer to my home. I won't make any judgements
about that program yet.I don't know how much of my treatment my insurance
is going to cover. Right now I can't worry about
it.My greatest fear is falling back into my isolation
again.As for my cat: It was 2am when I decided I HAD to
get to a hospital. I left her here, alone. I put
out enough food and water for a month, and 2 litter
boxes. When I got home most of the food and water
was still here. She is vying for attention constantly.
Actually, I think she may have saved my life. I was
sitting here at my puter crying and writing another
suicide letter. She kept leaping into my lap. I
pushed her away several times. Then she got onto
my lap again, stood on her hind legs and began
rubbing her face against mine. I finally began
petting her. I held her and cried and somehow
became aware that what I was planning was wrong.
At that point I told myself to get to a hospital.There's lots more I could tell you. If anyone has
specific questions, please ask.
poster:harry b.
thread:26056
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000302/msgs/26279.html