Posted by Noa on January 5, 2000, at 19:14:30
In reply to Re: Transition Trouble, posted by Renee N on January 5, 2000, at 17:15:03
Thanks everyone for all these great responses.
My pdoc recently did introduce the thought that maybe I have ADD, undiagnosed throughout childhood. He based this on 1) diurnal eneuresis that I had from about age 4-7, because I told him it had been hard for me to break away from whatever I was doing to go potty, and that I think I just didn't pay attention to the signals my body was sending; 2) the difficulty I have with transitions; 3) my tendency to have to struggle to be organized and my current state of total chaos; 4) the tendency I have to get fidgety from antidepressants; 5) that even though I was generally a good student, when I reached high school my performance plummeted because I couldn't focus myself and couldn't get my act together to write papers, even though I was good at the elements of writing; 6) the fact that I had told him that in college, I became a supreme daydreamer, and could sit through an entire class without hearing a word, being totally lost in my own world, but being able to remain aware of turning the page so I could look like I was with the class.
However, I believe all of those things can be explained by my emotional problems, anxiety and depression. What I really thing is that certain processes in the brain are affected by anxiety and depression in much the same way as in ADD, and that "functionally" they overlap a lot.
The eneuresis thing is a good example of my transition problems. I think I just couldn't tear myself away from being with people or being engaged in an activity. Just like now, it is hard for me to go out of my apartment in the morning and hard for me to leave work in the afternoon.
Some of you mentioned the decisions involved. I have difficulty with that, too. Like, I will be driving a route to or from work, and if there is a choice of how to go (which there is), sometimes I will get anxious about which way to go. I am aware of how silly it is to be anxious, and so then I get down on myself for even thinking about it. Sometimes neither choice appeals to me and I feel a kind of dull dread.
To add to this ridiculousness: because of the current chaos in my apartment, I often do not have food at home, so added to the route home thing is a more agonizing argument I have with myself about stopping somewhere for food and water. Ideally, everything would be drive-thru, because the additional transition of getting out of the car and into the store and back into the car often seems so overwhelming for me. And, all the while I am berating myself for being so lazy, etc. And, the truth is, I usually am a person who is able to feel grateful for what I have (access to decent food, etc., transportation, etc.), so all my agonizing is abhorent to me, to boot, knowing that so many people don't have these things.
Ok, I have rambled. Sorry.
poster:Noa
thread:17918
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000101/msgs/18124.html