Posted by Racer on September 7, 2004, at 16:03:35
Now, y'all know about me and Official Diagnoses, right? My own self-diagnosis is Irregular Polygon Syndrome with Feral Features -- although the feral features may actually constitute a separate diagnostic code -- so anything any doctor puts down is only partly accurate, if that makes sense.
Way back at the beginning with Dr EyeCandy, I said that I had a history of an eating disorder. At that time, straight out of the hospital after almost two weeks of not eating because they didn't serve edible food, I weighed about 145 still. He turned and said, "Did a *Doctor* diagnose that?" Since the answer was no, no MD had Pronounced that as an Official Diagnosis, he disregarded it entirely. Then, when I told the Therapist From The Black Lagoon that I was starting to have real trouble with eating again, she disregarded it, too. After all, if that was something worth considering, it would be part of my Official Diagnosis. Since then, well, let's just say that I'm not even close to 145 anymore. And, despite any insight I might have about it all, I still can't seem to stop this behavior.
I've noticed that some of the literature is now starting to say that some anorexics actually do know that they're underweight -- ie: have some insight into their condition -- but the old fashioned *rule* about lack of insight being a central feature of any eating disorder still seems to be stuck in a lot of doctors thinking. I do have insight -- because I've been down this road before a few times, and I've learned enough to recognize it as a problem. (Although, obviously, I haven't learned how to do anything about it on my own.)
Here's my musing on the subject: part of me wants to ask Dr NoName to make it a part of my Official Diagnosis so that if I ever run into another Dr EyeCandy again, and am asked if an MD made it an Official Diagnosis, I can say "yes" and maybe if there's another episode starting up as it did this time, it won't be ignored and might be headed off. Another part, though, says that it would be too frightening to bring it up at all. (For one thing, people keep telling me I'm not that thin. Of course not -- but that's my build. I'm too broad hipped to look like a waif, and no matter how much weight I lose, I'm still gonna have big breasts. Not one has even bothered to ask anything like, "How much do you weigh?") The other thing is that I'm not sure I can be honest with anyone about what I actually eat, nor about what I see in the mirror when I look at myself. I keep hoping to see a thin person, instead of the Venus of Willendorf, but not so far -- even when I can count my vertabrae, or see my hipbones.
Does anyone here have any thoughts for me on this one? I guess I'm trying to relieve some of my worry, since this isn't all that important in a lot of ways.
Thanks!
poster:Racer
thread:387717
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/387717.html