Posted by Racer on May 15, 2004, at 12:46:39
In reply to Re: I can't respond right now » Racer, posted by SLS on May 15, 2004, at 11:11:56
I'm sorry. I'm agitated out of my mind right now. For one thing, our insurance is supposed to start up after the first month on the job, so it's not as if I'd be waiting all that long if I do reschedule this appointment. My husband says not to worry about that, but I really don't trust him on this one. Hell, when you come right down to it, I don't know that I trust him about most things related to real life. And that is a LOT of money we're talking about, for us right now.
I just spent the better part of an hour on the telephone, trying to find out whether to stop this drug or if this is a transient adjustment-phase side effect that is likely to pass. If there's a chance this will work, I don't want to give up on it. On the other hand, I also don't want to stop it now, only to go through this again if this is just an adjustment thing and we decide to try again. But I'm truly feeling out of control and agitated. And I don't trust my judgement on any of this anymore.
I called the Psychiatric Emergency Services department, where a doctor said that he thought it might pass, but he wouldn't say anything more than that -- besides, of course, "You'd better come in here..." Sure, and waste a whole blasted day only to hear, "Call the doctor who prescribed it in the first place" or be hospitalized again? Why? Then I called the agency that prescribed it, and asked a couple of pretty specific questions of the on-call nurse, who then called the doctor on call. Turns out that was Dr EyeCandy. He, typically, didn't answer the questions I asked, at least according to the nurse when she called back to relay the answer. It's not her fault, but it's so typical of the basic problem here: the answer given doesn't relate to the question asked. "Oh, if you don't feel well, stop taking it." Sure. Right. Thanks. That wasn't what I asked.
So, I'm now both agitated by the drug itself, and the fire has been fueled by that response. Now I don't know whether to keep on with a trial of this drug or not, because every damn day is something entirely new on it -- it might really help. I don't know if the relief I feel in the evenings is just a reaction to the grief I go through from morning to late afternoon, or if it's a sign that the drug might be starting to help. Of course, in the late evening, I also go out of control with eating, unable to stop myself, but at least I don't feel so totally explosive and angry and agitated. If it really is the drug easing the depression, though, I don't want to give up -- IF this agitation is likely to pass in a reasonable time and if it's not a sign that this drug, at a therapeutic dose, will be too problematic.
Damn it all.
poster:Racer
thread:346816
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040501/msgs/347153.html