Posted by Racer on May 14, 2004, at 12:42:17
And if it hadn't happened, I think I wouldn't be here next week.
My husband is starting a new job on Monday. Please, pray for us that nothing happens like last time, and that this works out and we actually get medical coverage.
Our marriage counselor referred me to a private psychiatrist today. I'd been resisting, because of the cost issues -- don't tell me I'm worth it, because I'm also worth having a roof and four walls around me and that's what I'd be risking by going private right now without insurance -- but this has to stop. She says that one of her clients goes to him, and he calls her after the client sees him to report to her and consult with her, etc. She's really impressed with him, for that reason among others. So, I finally agreed and will see him next Wednesday.
I'm scared to death, of course, considering what I've been going through lately. Especially since it's so expensive (almost $1000 for the initial evaluation), and I feel as if this is my last chance and I have to get it right this time around and I can't feel as if there's a whole lot of hope about that happening. It's not scared like going in to see Dr EyeCandy, although both fears seem pretty reasonable to me. It's more the overwhelming fear that I'll have committed our resources to this doctor, and then we won't be able to afford the costs of adequate treatment from him, or my husband will lose this job somehow, or the company will shut down or whatever and I'll be lost.
And I'm afraid that he just won't believe what I tell him. That's what's been happening with all the people at the agency that's currently providing services -- doesn't matter what I say, no one believes me. And I'm more withdrawn than ever, too, since the therapist started in with her "now what can we do to keep you from screwing up the relationship from the start with the new case manager I managed to fight for you to get?" Sure, nothing anyone else has done, the problems so far -- like the last one insulting me with his "when you talk about physical reactions to the meds, I don't know what you mean? Are you talking about the physical reactions you feel towards your husband?" That's close to actionable, don't you think? Nope, "there are always two sides to every encounter, so you're in the wrong, Mrs Racer."
I'm scared. But I'm going to see a real doctor next week.
poster:Racer
thread:346816
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040501/msgs/346816.html