Posted by shar on July 3, 2003, at 22:15:15
In reply to Re: Suicide? Why not? » coral, posted by Racer on July 3, 2003, at 20:49:22
> Maybe that's the problem: I've been here before, and I know what comes next. I just can't face going through it again.
>
> I'm not getting that emotional paycheck, and haven't for so long now that I'm just flat out broke -- probably too much in debt to get out. Even if I got through these days, that wouldn't change....What you wrote there really spoke to me. I'm not doing so great either of late, and it feels like what you describe. Being skinless, or bare to the bones with nothing left to hold on to, just skeletal emotionally.
...As far as you not doing yourself in (reasons not to) I'm with Coral on the one hand: What if it's worse? It really could be. On the other hand, I have my 'not til you're 50' rule because after a half a century of trying anybody ought to be able to go in peace.
...The way it is now--you say you're overextended, and I bet that isn't just emotionally. I would bet you have too many stressors in your life and this isn't just some out-of-the-blue brain chemistry thing. Correct me if I'm wrong. The deal is, stressors can be dealt with in many ways, as unpleasant as it may be. Brain chemistry can be dealt with, too, but you know how that goes--so much trial and error.
...It's generous of you to think of your beloved, but I've never felt like staying for someone else was a good enough reason. However, if I had my druthers, I'd want you to stay if only for me because I am so fond of you and it would be so awful to lose you. Not having you here regularly hasn't decreased my fondness, and I know you're still out there. Not having you here and knowing you're lost to me forever will be a major downer.
...I wish you'd at least post a little about what is going on in your life. I can't shake the feeling that there is a lot of shit going on that is affecting you--working synergistically with your depression to make things even worse.
(((Racer))) you're still the Messiah to me!
xoxo
Shar
poster:shar
thread:239030
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20030702/msgs/239096.html