Posted by Barb, again on September 10, 1999, at 21:04:01
In reply to Re: Marital strife to AD's to NOW I WANT OUT! SOS!!, posted by Dee on September 10, 1999, at 12:21:36
God, how I wish it were that simple! Believe me, two head over heels in love high school sweethears who thought we'd be together FOREVER (both sets of parents never divorced!) but have since gone to HELL and back no less (perhaps more) than five times in fourteen years need some serious soul searching.
And I am not talking about your occasional argument ending with one of us spending a night on the couch.
>Details would take ten pages, but would clarify alot. All I can say briefly is that I have always been a secure person. In the past eight years I have learned the truly peaceful, energizing truth about looking out for my personal needs physically and otherwise while laboring endlessly for the good of my family.
I know I am not at a post depression spot. I am not in or coming out of a hell-and-back crisis. I am happier with myself than I have been in at least two years.
One counselor I saw, a truly serious "Dr Laura" type (Christian too), asked me at one point, in writing, to rate (1-10) satisfaction levels of various areas of my life-marriage, work, spiritual, sexual, etc. I wish overall I could give marriage more than a 6 or at best 7. At times (like birth of kids and Hawaii) I'd rate it 100+!!! But those times have been so few and far between. I sure have questions at this point. If everything is great and were happy, and we still can't fulfill eachothers needs, I wonder if we ever can.
Hello Barb,
>
> I can certainly relate, and I think most of us on this board can. Living with these conditions is a
> hard battle we have to fight every hour of every day. What would be more natural than
> sometimes to get so tired, tired that we just want a break. We want to be happy just for a few
> minutes, we want to just be an feel loved and safe, to leave the battle even if it is just for a
> moment.
>
> We just cannot give up. Trust me, when you continue taking care of yourself and your family,
> you will eventually get that break.
> I understand that it is fairly common to get to this space of tiredness, frustration, hopelessness,
> even anger when we are in the process of changing medication. I remember when I was there
> last time, and it did seem like a no way out situation. I was so down I couldn't talk to anyone -
> luckily I had this board to come to, so I could discharge some of my despair typing messages,
> like you are doing. Isn't it great to have this resource.
>
> When I go to the space when I feel I just want to give up, I keep saying to myself that it may well
> feel overwhelming but my feelings are not facts. Even though there seems to be no end to it, the
> fact is: It Will Pass! And I have been right every time so far.
>
> You have put in a tremendous effort to take care of yourself. Continue to do so, talk to your
> doctor and your therapist about these concerns, and keep reaching out for advise and support.
> That way you can make informed decisions concerning your well being.
> I firmly believe that the best thing we ( or anybody, for that matter) can do to take care of our
> families and those we love is to take care of ourselves.
>
> As far as rocky marriage, I am reading a book that answers many of the questions I think we all
> ask: How two people get attracted to each other, why does the communication fail in most
> relationships, and what can we do to change that. It is called ‘My Lover, My Self’ by David
> Kantor, Ph. D. I has helped me a lot to understand myself in a relationship.
>
> I have no answers, you know, and I am not trying to pretending to have any. But we’ll all be
> here when you need someone to talk (write) to.
>
> Lots of Love, and remember: This Will Pass
>
> Dee
poster:Barb, again
thread:11327
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990914/msgs/11387.html