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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 18:10:02
In reply to Re: How it went » Deneb, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 17:28:09
> ---I used to be shy even at a mcdonalds counter.
Me too. I still am.
> that stuff only goes away with practice.
I don't get a lot of practice.
> If you get confused about the 100 different kinds of coffee you can get these days, just tell you companion, or the person at the counter. "I'm confused by the 100 different kinds of coffee these days"
It would have been OK if it had been just the coffee blunder. I went into StarBucks and when I came out I was totally disoriented and didn't really know where I was. I still don't know downtown Ottawa even though I've lived here for about 12 years! I really don't go out much. When I do go out I only go to places I know. It was only after the guy left that I could get my bearings back. I'm such an idiot.
Right now I have a whole bunch of people who want to have coffee with me. I'm too stressed to do this again. I'm just going to decline them all.
> ----University was a problem for me too, but I WASN'T too stupid for it. Neither are you.
I hope you're right. I think you're right because I'm almost done, but I really don't feel like I've learned anything. My brain is leaky. I need all the things I've learned to integrate and help me understand new concepts and ideas, but my brain isn't doing that. It's just memorizing things until exam time and forgetting them afterwards.
> > I just want to crawl into a hole.
>
> I know the feeling. Honest I do (((deneb))). but don't let post anxiety deny the brave step you took today.I'll try James. Thanks for the hugs. (((James)))
I just wish I could calm down.
Deneb*
Posted by LegWarmers on March 7, 2006, at 19:01:30
In reply to Re: How it went, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 17:15:31
>
> The meeting itself wasn't so bad. I was pretty composed and confident even though I made a fool of myself.so? why are you beating yourself up?
>
> I can't even order coffee right. Please, someone for the BabbleParty, order my food for me.How do you mean you can't order a coffee? there is nothing wrong with ordering wrong, or mixing up your order, or even spilling your order on the guy who you met for coffee! Everyone does it!
>
> I had a bad session with my tutor. I seriously think he laughs behind my back now.
>and if he does? I doubt he does, most people are fairly intune to when a person is being themselves or if they are affected by stress. Im sure he figured you were either tired, or under pressure
> I'm really stupid. My thinking comes in bits and pieces, it never really forms into one cohesive clear picture.you are't stupid
> I'm too stupid for university.
the fact that you got into university is a sign you arent too stupid for university. Its not that you are too stupid, it might be that you are still working out how to manage the pressure of university though. A lot of people struggle with managing pressure and a lot of people don't do it well!
>
> I just want to crawl into a hole.why? you did something incredibly brave today, you can tell all your other potential coffee dates that you are busy with school and will get back to them later. when something makes you anxious, it takes time to adjust to it without being anxious, don't give up, but put less importance on those people, no one is perfect
Posted by Racer on March 7, 2006, at 19:15:38
In reply to How it went *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 16:48:29
>
> Met guy, pretty niceGood. That's a start.
>
> I can't order coffeeOh, no! So, while he drank his coffee, you had to sit there with nothing? That's terrible!
(I'm assuming the above is not true, right? So, uh, Deneb, if it's not true, and you did have coffee in your hands, what does that tell you? Tells me you can and did order coffee... The only reason I can drink anything in a Starbuck's is that I pick up a bottle of water or plain black decaf. Latte? Cappuchino? What dat?)
>
> His life, electrical engineer, my life, nothingUh, student? That ain't nothing.
>
>
> Still ok during meeting, surprisingly not anxious, but still made fool of selfI don't get this. Then again, I'm a middle aged woman who has much more experience in being anxious in social situations than you do. Guess what, Deneb? He was probably more concerned with how he was coming across than anything about you beyond "attractive" or "not-attractive." Most people will not be judging you nearly as harshly as you judge yourself, and most people won't notice if you flub a word, or anything like that.
>
>
> Tutor, me scatterbrained, can't do simple math
>
> He must think I'm stupid, retarded maybe...bad thoughts...can't stand itDeneb -- Back the heck up here. So, you're scatterbrained and you can't do simple math. (You say, you probably weren't as bad as all that.) Where does the next part come from? You start at Point A, move on to Point B -- so how the heck do you get way the heck over to "he must think I'm stupid?" Much more likely, he thought you were scatterbrained and not concentrating. And probably not even the only one he saw today who was scatterbrained and not concentrating.
Also, I'd bet most math mistakes are in the simple parts. It's not the Big Concepts that people fall down on, it's the "two plus two equals 8" that creates problems. So, if you can't do simple math, it still don't mean you can't do complex math.
>
>
> Me, why do I have to live?Maybe you have to live solely in order to learn NOT to get yourself twisted into a pretzel by the world? You're jumping way past anything the available facts can support.
>
> Who am I kidding?
>
> I can't socialize...too draining, too stressfulYou just need the following four things: To relax, to practice, and to practice and practice some more.
>
> Now, worried about BabbleFest
>You're welcome to worry about it, but wouldn't it be better to use your energy more productively? Think how you'd do if you put half that WorryEnergy into studying? Straight As, so think on that when you start to worry.
Also, talk to your pdoc about this. Maybe it's time to start looking at DBT skills? This is a perfect subject for using them.
Posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 19:31:40
In reply to Re: How it went » Deneb, posted by LegWarmers on March 7, 2006, at 19:01:30
> > The meeting itself wasn't so bad. I was pretty composed and confident even though I made a fool of myself.
>
> so? why are you beating yourself up?I don't know, I just am. I'm mortified. I can't stand it. I keep thinking and sighing and thinking and sighing. I just want to turn my brain back to the calm and happy setting.
> > I can't even order coffee right. Please, someone for the BabbleParty, order my food for me.
>
> How do you mean you can't order a coffee?It's just too embarrassing for words. I misread the menu.
>there is nothing wrong with ordering wrong, or mixing up your order, or even spilling your order on the guy who you met for coffee! Everyone does it!
I know it should console me a bit, but it doesn't. :-(
> > I had a bad session with my tutor. I seriously think he laughs behind my back now.
> >
>
> and if he does?I can't say the thought that crosses my mind without being triggering.
>I doubt he does, most people are fairly intune to when a person is being themselves or if they are affected by stress.
I just can't deal. I just can't.
> Im sure he figured you were either tired, or under pressure
I'm sure he figured out I'm "not quite right".
> the fact that you got into university is a sign you arent too stupid for university.
I'm a fraud. I don't belong.
> why? you did something incredibly brave today, you can tell all your other potential coffee dates that you are busy with school and will get back to them later. when something makes you anxious, it takes time to adjust to it without being anxious, don't give up, but put less importance on those people, no one is perfect
My coffee dates just keep piling up. I don't have the energy to reply. :-(
I feel horrible.
Deneb*
Posted by JenStar on March 7, 2006, at 23:05:41
In reply to How it went *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 16:48:29
oh Deneb,
no! don't feel that way! You did GREAT. Meeting new people is really hard, and you have a LOT of guts and courage to even try it. I'm really impressed that you had the nerve to meet someone new. That's great, even if he doesn't turn into someone you'll hang out with a lot.Your life IS interesting and cool, so please don't be down on yourself.
You're going to be fine at the Babble party, because you've talked with people here before. The guy you met today was a complete stranger, so it's different.
You'll be OK. Don't be so hard on yourself!
take care, ok?
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on March 7, 2006, at 23:13:12
In reply to Re: How it went » LegWarmers, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 19:31:40
Deneb, you just did something really brave and courageous! It's OK if you flubbed the order and misread and lost your bearings. That is really normal stuff. It's possible he felt he was doing all those things, too.
Sometimes when I'm nervous I forget how to do "basic" things too. Like read. Or talk. In college especially I would really get nervous.
I know what it feels like to stumble over simple syllables, or to watch in horror as I do the one exact thing I kept thinking and thinking and thinking that I should *not* do. I've put salt in my coffee. I've spilled things, badly. I once laughed and a snot flew out of my nose onto a guy's sweater. And he totally noticed it. It was truly horrible. (Not my best shining moment, although the shot itself glistened in the lights.)
If you don't want to have coffee with more people, then don't! Tell them school is too busy now. If you DO, pick someone who looks non-threatening. Are there any ladies/girls in the mix? Maybe you'd feel more comfy chatting with another girl?
You are brave, Deneb! I admire your courage.
JenStar
Posted by Tanzanite on March 8, 2006, at 1:54:17
In reply to How it went *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 16:48:29
I cannot offer all the great advice and words as many of the long time posters here can. But, I think you are intelligent, and creative and that always shows through on your posts. I also think it was very brave for you to go out and meet someone considering how scary that must have been for you. That says something in itself. You took that step, and I am proud that you did that. I am not even that brave. I agree with the other posters who said to let the others know you are busy right now. But, this was a big step you took today. Give yourself credit for what you have done. Even if taking things little by little. You are not stupid. Not in the least.
Sending good wishes your way and I hope you will be ok.
Tanzanite
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 8, 2006, at 3:39:09
In reply to Re: How it went » James K, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 18:10:02
have you got Tim Hortons in Ottowa?
When I was on Ontario, I was taken to Tims by my friends, and tried to order a skimmed milk latte.. and they said "uh, we just do coffee".. I asked what they meant *L*
Go to Tims.. not only is their coffee superb, but you only have to decide between milk and cream and whether you want sugar (and those donut holes are to die for *grins*)
N xx
ps - Everytime I socialise, I spend about 3 days beating myself up for every little stupid thing I may, or may not have said or done!
Posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 10:59:50
In reply to How it went *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 16:48:29
"Tutor, me scatterbrained, can't do simple math"
There are plenty of babblers who can help with math, too. Maybe things just need to be worded differently for you to get it?
You can always babblemail me a math question, and I bet Racer would answer them, too.
Posted by zenhussy on March 8, 2006, at 11:19:00
In reply to Re: How it went » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on March 8, 2006, at 3:39:09
Posted by Deneb on March 8, 2006, at 12:40:25
In reply to Re: How it went - math » Deneb, posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 10:59:50
> "Tutor, me scatterbrained, can't do simple math"
>
> There are plenty of babblers who can help with math, too. Maybe things just need to be worded differently for you to get it?
>
> You can always babblemail me a math question, and I bet Racer would answer them, too.Thanks AuntieMel. That's a really gracious offer. I'm actually finished with all my math and physics courses so there's not a lot of math to do anymore.
I have a LOT of trouble doing math in my head, especially when stressed or under pressure. That's what happened yesterday. I was looking at 0.2 and I couldn't figure out it is 1/5 with my tutor looking at me. That's a really simple calculation, 0.2 = 2/10 = 1/5. I know that, but I just couldn't think.
I'm amazingly stupid with on the spot math calculations in spite of the fact that I got 96% in high school calculus.
I did pretty well in all my high school math classes. I think it was because there was homework every day and I practiced a lot. I did very poorly in my 1st year calculus class, even though it was mostly review. I think the main difference was the lack of practice. I didn't do the practice questions consistently. I did OK in my physics courses because I did the questions more consistently.
I have some major problems with visualizing things in my head. I need to write most calculations down on paper. I think this means that I have a pretty low intelligence.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 8, 2006, at 12:45:28
In reply to Re: How it went » Deneb, posted by JenStar on March 7, 2006, at 23:13:12
Thanks JenStar for making me feel better.
I'll get over it eventually. I need a lot of practice as you can probably tell.
There are some women in the mix but right now I'm too busy with school work.
I'm getting new coffee dates everyday now. I have a lot of them. I'm a little overwhelmed.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 8, 2006, at 12:47:09
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by Tanzanite on March 8, 2006, at 1:54:17
Thanks Tanzanite for your encourgement. It makes me feel a little better.
I think I'll try it out again, but I'm going to wait until I have more free time.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 8, 2006, at 12:53:15
In reply to Re: How it went » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on March 8, 2006, at 3:39:09
> have you got Tim Hortons in Ottowa?
Have we got a Tim Horton's? LOL, we have them all over the place!
> When I was on Ontario, I was taken to Tims by my friends, and tried to order a skimmed milk latte.. and they said "uh, we just do coffee".. I asked what they meant *L*
:-) They have a few other coffee selections, French vanilla and English toffee cappucinos and a cafe mocha.
> Go to Tims.. not only is their coffee superb, but you only have to decide between milk and cream and whether you want sugar (and those donut holes are to die for *grins*)
Yeah, the chocolate ones are the best!
> ps - Everytime I socialise, I spend about 3 days beating myself up for every little stupid thing I may, or may not have said or done!
I know exactly what you mean.
Thanks Nikki :-)
Deneb*
Posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 15:18:31
In reply to Re: How it went - math » AuntieMel, posted by Deneb on March 8, 2006, at 12:40:25
It doesn't mean you aren't intelligent. It just means your brain needs to see it.
I couldn't do physics without drawing the problems, and when I was tutoring it I taught people to draw them - and it always helped.
Hubby and I joke about math all the time. He kids me because I can do calculus no sweat, but I can't add up my checkbook without a calculator.
I tell him that checkbooks aren't math, they are arithmetic.
Even Einstein had problems with arithmetic.
Posted by Poet on March 8, 2006, at 18:28:43
In reply to Re: How it went » LegWarmers, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 19:31:40
Hi Deneb,
In Toronto I will help you order food, if you figure out what my portion of the bill is.
I can't order food to be delivered over the phone, so it'll have to be done in person. You think you have some odd social anxiety traits.
Meeting someone for the first time makes anybody nervous. I'm sure the guy was just as nervous and all the way home said I really blew that one and I liked her. She thinks I'm weird.
I met my husband through a personal ad and went on many, many meetings over coffee with other guys first. Don't let the first one scare you off from the others, okay?
Poet
Posted by Tanzanite on March 8, 2006, at 19:04:29
In reply to Re: Deneb » Tanzanite, posted by Deneb on March 8, 2006, at 12:47:09
I think you are a cool person and considering all you go through I still will say I am very proud at you being open about all this and taking that first step. Here I am still trying to decide what route I am gonna take to meet people around here cuz I don't know anyone and am chicken. Yes, take your time with meeting people. No rush, you definitely don't want to overwhelm yourself. But, the thing I find surprising is sometimes you may be surprised that one day you will find someone that is so much like you that you will just click as friends. That happened to me from meeting a friend online (however we talk all the time on the phone) and she and I get along great. She is more like a sister to me than my own sister. I tend to shy away from people, unless I feel there is something in common. You just never know, and since you are in a populated area, I think one day you will find some cool friends who will be understanding as well as supportive. Because Deneb, you actually do have a good personality from what I have seen in your posts. Everything just is overwhelming for some of us, it just makes everything a lot more difficult. But, I have faith that you can do it. And your first steps have encouraged me.
Peace and well wishes to you always
Chelle(Tanzanite)
Posted by Deneb on March 9, 2006, at 21:33:35
In reply to You go girl :) » Deneb, posted by Tanzanite on March 8, 2006, at 19:04:29
I'm going to try the coffee thing again, probably this Saturday.
I'm not telling my parents about this because they would never approve of me meeting strangers online.
I will be in a public place the whole time. I'll make sure he/she doesn't follow me home.
Deneb*
Posted by Tanzanite on March 10, 2006, at 1:00:15
In reply to Re: You go girl :), posted by Deneb on March 9, 2006, at 21:33:35
I really hope you get more comfortable with meeting people. Thats it, just stay safe. There are people here that care about you. I hope you meet some kind people Deneb. Well wishes,
Chelle
Posted by Deneb on March 10, 2006, at 20:29:58
In reply to I'll be sending good vibes your way :) » Deneb, posted by Tanzanite on March 10, 2006, at 1:00:15
Thanks :-)
I'm meeting someone else tomorrow (Saturday at 11 am). It's perfect because it'll force me to get up in the morning and go to the library afterwards to study. I have a midterm on Weds.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 11, 2006, at 12:14:01
In reply to Re: I'll be sending good vibes your way :), posted by Deneb on March 10, 2006, at 20:29:58
I didn't meet up with my coffee date. :-(
Oh well.
I waited 20 mins but no one showed up so I decided to get some bubble tea by myself.
I walked around downtown. I'm actually exploring! I've been living here for 12 years and I still don't know downtown!
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 11, 2006, at 18:16:47
In reply to Re: I'll be sending good vibes your way :), posted by Deneb on March 11, 2006, at 12:14:01
It turns out that there was a miscommunication. My coffee date thought the meeting was tomorrow!
We're going to meet up tomorrow.
Deneb*
Posted by Tanzanite on March 11, 2006, at 23:32:08
In reply to Re: I'll be sending good vibes your way :), posted by Deneb on March 11, 2006, at 18:16:47
Keeping my fingers crossed for you. I am glad you walked around downtown. I think I would get lost easily in a big city. Hey, I get lost everywhere. I must have some kind of directional and orientation problem. I cannot figure it out :)
Well wishes
Chelle
Posted by Deneb on March 12, 2006, at 12:39:33
In reply to Good luck tomorrow :), posted by Tanzanite on March 11, 2006, at 23:32:08
It went pretty well. There was a steady stream of conversation throughout. He wanted to practice his English. He seems like a nice guy, he teaches French at a high school. He had a lot of nervous movements, but I don't think he was particularly nervous. I wasn't nervous at all!
I think my social anxiety is gone! Is it me, or my meds? Either way, it's pretty cool. My social anxiety was gone last time too, only I start ruminating on the mistakes I made afterwards. This time I'm not. Yay!
Deneb*
Posted by Tanzanite on March 12, 2006, at 20:37:15
In reply to How it went, posted by Deneb on March 12, 2006, at 12:39:33
I am so proud of you :) and happy that this was such a better time than the last. This makes me happy to hear. Still rooting for ya Deneb! It is awesome that you are going out and meeting people. (I still gotta do that). But, I got me some pets to start bringing more meaning to my life so that is a big start for me :)
Congrats on your breakthrough
Chelle
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