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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bird in the sky on December 28, 2005, at 21:21:30
I have this bad habit. I wonder if anyone else does. Probably not. I sometimes feel real horny and desirous of some connection. That's the best way i can explain it now. I masturbate and then when almost to come i call someone up (hopefully a recording) and let them hear me come. Sometimes i do it crying instead of coming. It's a bad habit i know, and i'm trying to break it. I have already told 2 people that i am the one that had been calling because it really seemed to bother them that they didn't know who i was. Luckily they didn't have me arrested or tell my husband. Now that i am seemingly oversexed i have this desire all the time and am hardly able to control it. I know i am going to get responses from you guys like "you had better control it!" or something along those lines, but what i really want to know, is whether anyone else has ever done this? bird
Posted by sleepygirl on December 29, 2005, at 0:05:53
In reply to Am i the only one who has done this ?, posted by bird in the sky on December 28, 2005, at 21:21:30
not yet
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 29, 2005, at 7:35:27
In reply to Am i the only one who has done this ?, posted by bird in the sky on December 28, 2005, at 21:21:30
> I have this bad habit. I wonder if anyone else does. Probably not. I sometimes feel real horny and desirous of some connection. That's the best way i can explain it now. I masturbate and then when almost to come i call someone up (hopefully a recording) and let them hear me come.
I've received calls something like that. I don't know if that might be a comforting thought, though. Is it?
Because I think there's something about your behaviour that isn't going to ever be comfortable....right?
I don't know if it's illegal. Whatever. I know you're not happy with it. And I think it's the kind of thing to find a therapist to talk to about. Cognitive behavioural therapy seems like it should be a good fit. You've talked about it here, so I think you're looking for a way to manage your behaviour differently. A sex therapist, I would think.
Lar
Posted by bird in the sky on December 29, 2005, at 14:16:58
In reply to Re: Am i the only one who has done this ? » bird in the sky, posted by Larry Hoover on December 29, 2005, at 7:35:27
> > I have this bad habit. I wonder if anyone else does. Probably not. I sometimes feel real horny and desirous of some connection. That's the best way i can explain it now. I masturbate and then when almost to come i call someone up (hopefully a recording) and let them hear me come.
> Lar replied:
> I've received calls something like that. I don't know if that might be a comforting thought, though. Is it?
>
> Because I think there's something about your behaviour that isn't going to ever be comfortable....right?
>
> I don't know if it's illegal. Whatever. I know you're not happy with it. And I think it's the kind of thing to find a therapist to talk to about. Cognitive behavioural therapy seems like it should be a good fit. You've talked about it here, so I think you're looking for a way to manage your behaviour differently. A sex therapist, I would think.
>
> Lar
It does make me feel better that you have rec'd calls similiar to mine. Were they women or men? i am curious. I have heard of men doing it to women and it seems like maybe it should be against the law. But for some reason when a woman does it, it doesnt seem as bad? I dont agree with my own logic, it just seems that way.i reason the sound is not offensive and the listener may not even know what it is. it is very comforting to know that someone (that i like and respect, but not necessarily am horny for) has heard me. It's when my emotions are real intense and somehow it goes to my crotch and i feel like i just have to release and share it. I haven't been doing it for quite a while, but the desire is still strong.
I don't want to bother these people i like and respect, but i think about it quite a lot and i think i release in other ways that are misdirected.
I don't know what to do. I have told my therapist. It would be comfortable to me if the listener was not bothered by it. i think...
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 29, 2005, at 17:06:42
In reply to Re: Am i the only one who has done this ?, posted by bird in the sky on December 29, 2005, at 14:16:58
> It does make me feel better that you have rec'd calls similiar to mine. Were they women or men? i am curious. I have heard of men doing it to women and it seems like maybe it should be against the law. But for some reason when a woman does it, it doesnt seem as bad? I dont agree with my own logic, it just seems that way.
It was a woman. I wouldn't consider a man doing it to be the same thing.
> i reason the sound is not offensive and the listener may not even know what it is.
That's verging on a total rationalization. I don't think that there are ways to "normalize" what you're talking about doing. It sounds like you're trying to find a way to continue to do this, if somehow it can be found to be inoffensive? I don't think that's a reasonable expectation. Or do the people you're calling know what's truly going on? I didn't get that impression.
> it is very comforting to know that someone (that i like and respect, but not necessarily am horny for) has heard me. It's when my emotions are real intense and somehow it goes to my crotch and i feel like i just have to release and share it. I haven't been doing it for quite a while, but the desire is still strong.
There are many issues, but most especially consent. I suspect you do not have your recipients' consent? And what about the violation of intimacy with respect to your spouse?
> I don't want to bother these people i like and respect, but i think about it quite a lot and i think i release in other ways that are misdirected.
>If I understand you correctly, you misdirect energy that could have gone into this behaviour? I'm sorry if anything I have said has led you to believe that I think that it is reasonable or (I struggle with what word is best) acceptable to continue to do this, without all parties being totally aware of just what is going on.
> I don't know what to do. I have told my therapist. It would be comfortable to me if the listener was not bothered by it. i think...
I hope your therapist helps you to understand what motivates you to do this, before you get into some real trouble. I'm reasonably certain that there are many people who would not be magnanimous towards you, upon discovery.
Lar
Posted by Tamar on December 29, 2005, at 19:59:16
In reply to Am i the only one who has done this ?, posted by bird in the sky on December 28, 2005, at 21:21:30
> I have this bad habit. I wonder if anyone else does. Probably not. I sometimes feel real horny and desirous of some connection. That's the best way i can explain it now. I masturbate and then when almost to come i call someone up (hopefully a recording) and let them hear me come. Sometimes i do it crying instead of coming. It's a bad habit i know, and i'm trying to break it. I have already told 2 people that i am the one that had been calling because it really seemed to bother them that they didn't know who i was. Luckily they didn't have me arrested or tell my husband. Now that i am seemingly oversexed i have this desire all the time and am hardly able to control it. I know i am going to get responses from you guys like "you had better control it!" or something along those lines, but what i really want to know, is whether anyone else has ever done this? bird
>
>Didn’t you post about this on the Psychology board a couple of months ago? Have you considered talking to your therapist about it?
I think it’s probably hard to control, so I wouldn’t tell you to just control it. It’s very difficult to make those kinds of changes, and there’s probably a reason you do it; you must get something out of it that keeps you doing it.
I’m sure some other people have done it sometimes. It’s not something I’ve ever done, although I have heard of people doing similar things.
But if the people you’re phoning don’t know it’s you, then I think there’s a problem. I honestly don’t think it makes any difference whether you’re a man or a woman. I do think it’s something you need to talk about in therapy, because one day maybe someone will call the police or tell your husband. And that would be horrible for you. As a favour to yourself, I think you need to find a way of dealing with this.
Tamar
Posted by bird in the sky on December 29, 2005, at 21:47:53
In reply to Re: Am i the only one who has done this ? » bird in the sky, posted by Tamar on December 29, 2005, at 19:59:16
Yes i did post this in the other board. I thught i might get more responses here on this board. Is that against the rules?
Everything i said is still just as i feel now and i have added newer responses. It has been helpful what you and Lar have said.
I will definitely try to work it out in therapy.
Posted by bird in the sky on December 29, 2005, at 22:04:47
In reply to Re: Am i the only one who has done this ? » bird in the sky, posted by Larry Hoover on December 29, 2005, at 17:06:42
Lar said:
If I understand you correctly, you misdirect energy that could have gone into this behaviour? I'm sorry if anything I have said has led you to believe that I think that it is reasonable or (I struggle with what word is best) acceptable to continue to do this, without all parties being totally aware of just what is going on.No you haven't led me to believe it is ok. In fact you have been quite understanding yet firm in how and why you think it's wrong. I guess i agree, i usually am a very value-oriented person.
I guess i was trying to rationalize and try to see if you guys think it was in any way acceptable.I am glad that noone knows i do this (that knows me), except my therapist. I guess if i were busted i would say i was crying on the phone.
Yes, I misdirect energy that gets built up when i don't do this. That's what i think is going on.
who are you anyway, a psychologist? I thought this was a board of peers.
what would you feel or think if you knew what was going on, and you had an idea who it was? (compassion, desire to "help") what if you had no idea who it was, (anger? nothing, frustration)
wow, i don't want to evoke any of these in the listeners except maybe compassion. i dont know. i wish i knew what people would think. Larry or anyone?
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 29, 2005, at 22:59:57
In reply to Re: Am i the only one who has done this ?, posted by bird in the sky on December 29, 2005, at 22:04:47
> Lar said:
> > If I understand you correctly, you misdirect energy that could have gone into this behaviour? I'm sorry if anything I have said has led you to believe that I think that it is reasonable or (I struggle with what word is best) acceptable to continue to do this, without all parties being totally aware of just what is going on.> No you haven't led me to believe it is ok. In fact you have been quite understanding yet firm in how and why you think it's wrong. I guess i agree, i usually am a very value-oriented person.
> I guess i was trying to rationalize and try to see if you guys think it was in any way acceptable.Phewww! It's hard to walk that line, at least so both parties see that walk for what was intended. Thanks for acknowledging that.
> I am glad that noone knows i do this (that knows me), except my therapist. I guess if i were busted i would say i was crying on the phone.
>
> Yes, I misdirect energy that gets built up when i don't do this. That's what i think is going on.Would it be fair to say that you haven't yet found a release of this energy that is both safe and respectful of others?
Do you notice the difference in phrasing that I use? I think it tends to focus one's subconscious mind on the targets: safe and respectful. It's a self-guiding procedure.
> who are you anyway, a psychologist? I thought this was a board of peers.
I'm definitely a peer.
> what would you feel or think if you knew what was going on, and you had an idea who it was? (compassion, desire to "help") what if you had no idea who it was, (anger? nothing, frustration)
> wow, i don't want to evoke any of these in the listeners except maybe compassion. i dont know. i wish i knew what people would think. Larry or anyone?It would be a challenge for me, in any relationship, that wasn't already close and trusting. I wouldn't start with compassion, I don't think, in any other situation.
Lar
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