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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sdjeff on November 1, 2004, at 21:35:25
Me again.
I am getting to the point where maybe going to the hospital would be a good idea.
It's hard to explain, but I just feel emotionally flat. The only things I seem to be able to feel are guilt, sadness, irritability and anxiety. I can't feel "good" for longer than a few seconds at a time. My meds are working, just not in the best ways. The Zyprexa is making me flat while I have no idea what the cymbalta is doing, if anything.
I've been ruminating on suicide a lot lately. I am so tired of waking up in the morning feeling like a train wreck. I'm tired of not being able to enjoy my time with my daughter. I am tired of life in general and I feel so worthless.
I made a deal with myself that if things got bad enough I would go to the ER. I am just scared. I have no doubts about being admitted, but I don't know what to expect after that. I am worried about the time away from my daughter, I think she'd have a hard time understanding.
Posted by gardenergirl on November 1, 2004, at 21:58:43
In reply to Getting up the guts to go to the hospital, posted by sdjeff on November 1, 2004, at 21:35:25
Jeff,
Praying for your safety...please hang on to the thought of your daughter and her well-being. She needs her daddy. And her daddy needs to be okay.Please do what is best for you and for her.
(((((((jeff))))))))))))
gg
Posted by boomarang on November 1, 2004, at 22:03:58
In reply to Getting up the guts to go to the hospital, posted by sdjeff on November 1, 2004, at 21:35:25
sometimes we think about things so much we get stuck and cannot move forward. What does your daughter need most from you that you cannot give her now? and what does she need that you could give her should you decide to go to the hospital?
be well
sara
Posted by sdjeff on November 2, 2004, at 1:52:44
In reply to Re: Getting up the guts to go to the hospital, posted by boomarang on November 1, 2004, at 22:03:58
Thanks gg and boomarang. Your words help. TO answer your question, b, I just plain need to be around. That is the most important thing.
This last month has been very difficult. I was going to make this a different post but I'll just stay in this thread. I lost my job. I hated it but it was paying the bills. I don't have the energy to get another one. Not to mention my handwriting looks like a first graders handwriting. My prospects are slim to none job-wise. I might as well accept the reality and wait for my SSDI to start. I also lost my girlfriend. Things were going great then out of the blue she stops calling and won't return my phone calls. I really feel like it was my fault. I wish I knew what I did. I basically feel like a complete failure. I had these grand plans to start school and become a nurse. I can't see how that will happen now. I just feel like I can never properly support my daughter and ultimately will end up a burden.
There is a lot more but I won't bore you. I want it to end. I don't want to be a burden to those who know me. The scary thing is that I'm pretty apathetic. I'm guessing it's the flat affect from my meds. Anyway, I made a deal with myself that if things get hairy enough, I would go to the hospital first.
Posted by partlycloudy on November 2, 2004, at 5:42:16
In reply to Re: Getting up the guts to go to the hospital, posted by sdjeff on November 2, 2004, at 1:52:44
Hello Jeff. So sorry about your job and the fear and disappointment you feel - I have been there many times. The guilt is nasty. I'm on sick leave from my job so I can straightened out with my mood swings and depression. Getting yourself treated properly so that you're not flat but balanced is the right thing to do, IMO. You have too much to offer the world and your daughter.
pc
Posted by fallsfall on November 2, 2004, at 6:58:21
In reply to Re: Getting up the guts to go to the hospital, posted by sdjeff on November 2, 2004, at 1:52:44
How old is your daughter and where would she stay if you were admitted to the hospital? Is there a friend or relative's house where she would feel comfortable? Knowing that she was being taken care of might make it easier for you to get the help you need.
Have you talked to your therapist or pdoc? It sounds to me like you should call one or both of them and ask for an extra session. They can help you decide what to do about the hospital.
You do have an awful lot going on right now. Let people help you.
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 2, 2004, at 7:06:42
In reply to Re: Getting up the guts to go to the hospital » sdjeff, posted by partlycloudy on November 2, 2004, at 5:42:16
jeff,
i was there last week (is something in the water?)
you should feel proud that you are willing to do this for yourself and daughter..
when things get "hairy" perspective seems to fall by the waistside..
be safe..
you are doing a good thing..
i will be thinking of you
jyl
Posted by sdjeff on November 2, 2004, at 19:01:04
In reply to sdjeff.., posted by justyourlaugh on November 2, 2004, at 7:06:42
Thanks to all of you.
My T and I agree that it's time to go. My mom is going to drive me to the ER.
Posted by Sad Panda on November 3, 2004, at 3:03:04
In reply to Re: sdjeff.., posted by sdjeff on November 2, 2004, at 19:01:04
I hope you find some answers during your hospital stay.
Posted by fallsfall on November 3, 2004, at 9:31:17
In reply to Re: sdjeff.., posted by sdjeff on November 2, 2004, at 19:01:04
Asking for help when you need it is a very good thing. Let us know how you are doing when you get out.
Posted by boomarang on November 3, 2004, at 15:16:49
In reply to Re: sdjeff.. » sdjeff, posted by fallsfall on November 3, 2004, at 9:31:17
This is the end of the thread.
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