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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by octopusprime on October 26, 2004, at 22:31:39
ok i'm not quite sure what to do here. any bipolars in the room please chime in.
when i started feeling kinda manic (i guess it is almost three months ago, how time flies!) i went to a walk in clinic, where i was referred to an intake worker, who referred me to a pdoc, who said i wasn't crazy enough to treat at his centre, and then i was punted back to the medical doctor. i went to get a family physician, who went on sabbatical. so now if i go to the doctor again, it will be the fifth medical professional i've seen in less than three months.
oh and when i filled my prescription (oh your old drugs worked before, just take those) they screwed up at the pharmacy and i had to go back again to get the messed up prescription.
so i'm sick of doctors and medicine.
and that's not counting the twice now (twice! i'm going on the pill) i had to go to the doctor for emergency contraception.
i'm not being careful.
two weeks ago i was ready to move out of the country and i was interviewing at <large software company> for a new job. i was also trying to finagle other job offers which fell through.
i have a job. i just got a new employee that reports directly to me. i'm a manager now. i have a new chair, new monitor, good toys to play with. i am in line for a big raise.
assuming i don't snap and kill somebody first. new hire was warned that i'm crazy. my coworkers introduce me to their friends as crazy <my first name>. i am not so agitated as i used to be.
but i told off the corrupt coworker today. the corrupt coworker has this crazy scheme involving me, him, and his wife (oh but she's not a wife! it's his girlfriend in <town name>) that is not suitable for repeating in polite company. it involves a hot tub. this corrupt coworker wants to be fixed up with my female friends. i have arranged a meeting for him with one of my friends, and another friend of mine is flying out here to meet him. likely for less than pure purposes. and i find this discussion amusing.
in the meantime i started seeing (sleeping with) corrupt coworker's brother in law. who is nuts. and told me that he might just die skiing into an avalanche this winter. i said fine, i'll only see you once or twice a week until then. and you don't have to bother to call in between.
in the meantime i will be playing in a musical performance on saturday, i'm becoming re-involved with a local political organization, and my sister has booked a trip to visit. and yoga. and bike rides. and still time for a beer after work or a social call. no problem. oh yeah and thinking about getting a new apartment and maybe getting a ski pass or something else entirely.
so my brain is in one hundred thousand places at once, i'm loud, indiscreet, doing stupid things, potentially screwing up friendships (but meeting new people at a head-spinning rate to compensate). my medications aren't working.
but then who do i see? nobody took me seriously before. and frankly, all this circus is kinda fun and beats the living crap out of depression. i've written some beat poetry. i'm singing in public. i'm dancing more than i have in years. i am alive. painfully, thrashingly, alive ... but alive nonetheless
with this sense of dread in my head that i had better medicate myself down before this spiral gets really really out of control. i will crash this car. i know i will crash this car (because i spent the money for car repairs on clothes, poetry books, alcohol, cigarettes, and $20 facial scrubs and hand creams)
so ... what do i do? back to the doctors that didn't really evaluate me properly or have the resources to deal with me before? and then what?
argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps - i have another month's supply of meds on my desk ... they gave me three months and booted me out ... i don't know if i should go back sooner or just hope this medicated high stays relatively stable ... (they gave me celexa 20 mg and seroquel 25 mg bid and it's NOT CUTTING IT)
Posted by boomarang on October 27, 2004, at 0:26:32
In reply to assuming i don't destroy my life, i'm doing fine, posted by octopusprime on October 26, 2004, at 22:31:39
are the two meds you are on considered mood stabilizers? I don't follow the ones i haven't tried...not to sound stupid.
lamictal (mood stabilizer) sounds like it could be a good one to smooth out your whoopsie dazy manic highs.
i feel no side effects from lamictal. you've probably already investigated this but thought i'd throw it in.
sara
Posted by octopusprime on October 27, 2004, at 1:10:26
In reply to Re: assuming i don't destroy my life, i'm doing fine, posted by boomarang on October 27, 2004, at 0:26:32
hey boomerang:
neither of them are mood stabilizers. i'm pretty sure i need one. i was thinking trileptal, not too keen on weight gain.
but i guess the point of my post is this (lost in the old rambling):
i feel like i'm playing doctor on myself.
i'm disappointed in the medical professionals that were by and large unsupportive.
i'm starting to think that maybe i should just try to get by without the meds, and quit dealing with the medical profession which is supposed to be helping me and not brushing me off.
i don't trust the doctors to give me good advice on the meds.so what do i do when i've been a good girl and asked for help and it's failing? do i just buck up and ask again? and how do i trust them when they say they want to help and do the right thing when i can look at my behaviour and know it's wrong?
Posted by yoshimi on October 27, 2004, at 3:37:16
In reply to Re: assuming i don't destroy my life, i'm doing fine » boomarang, posted by octopusprime on October 27, 2004, at 1:10:26
hiya
maybe you remember me?
im just thinking you maybe could get an HMO, i know they can be bad, but there you can try a couple docs. I know what you mean about riding the manic high. Its scary a bit.
well, if you do have a job that pays you pretty well, oh, do you have insurance? that will help a lot. and i know all about spending the car repair $ on all the same kinda stuff.
I feel like my suggestions arent so grteat right now, i am sorry about that. im a little out of it myself. Let me just say that, i have been on this same board with you for long enough to feel very secure that you will not destroy your life.
And a lot of what you are doing is creative and a great outlet for the energy. Just try relaly hard to be careful. like carry condoms with you and stuf like that.
yoshimi
Posted by yoshimi on October 27, 2004, at 3:39:53
In reply to assuming i don't destroy my life, i'm doing fine, posted by octopusprime on October 26, 2004, at 22:31:39
p.s. maybe if you call them and just tell them its not working they can tell you whether a little more seroquel could be used at times or something. I found it really sedating (i was on way more thanthat).
I think they should relaly see you again, and if you dont like that doctor, maybe try again?
im sorry i know it sucks trying to find a good dr.
Posted by octopusprime on October 27, 2004, at 10:59:32
In reply to Re: assuming i don't destroy my life, i'm doing fine » octopusprime, posted by yoshimi on October 27, 2004, at 3:37:16
hey yoshimi
thanks for the vote of confidence that i won't destroy my life. :)
i live in canada so doctor hopping is not too hard. and i have insurance that covers 80% of the drug cost (but only $500 of therapy a year - natch! that's why i'm not in therapy). so seeing the doctor is free, except for the stress, frustration, and invalidation of the whole experience! i can handle the out-of-pocket drug cost which is why i'm hoping they work. but they don't. argh!
Posted by gardenergirl on October 27, 2004, at 21:36:40
In reply to Re: assuming i don't destroy my life, i'm doing fine » yoshimi, posted by octopusprime on October 27, 2004, at 10:59:32
Ugh, that sounds like you have been through a lot as far as dealing with health care. I think it might be wise to give another ol' college try. There are some good things happening, and I hope that they can stay stable. Whatever you decide, I wish you peace and wellness.
It was good chatting the other night. Stay in touch with us!
gg
Posted by just plain jane on October 28, 2004, at 9:46:23
In reply to Re: assuming i don't destroy my life, i'm doing fine » yoshimi, posted by octopusprime on October 27, 2004, at 10:59:32
which is not really a risk, but a given, concerning me.
I kinda thought you live in Canada.
The following are just ideas, mine, not recommendations. (that's a CYA for those nitpickers out there)OK #1, if they have the contraceptive shot that lasts and month or so, get it. If not, get the patches. (oh, yeah, there IS a thing called celibacy, too, but I don't know where you can find that)
OK #2, use that manic power to blow the next doctor off his friggin stool. Remember, the folks at work introduce you as crazy. So nail the doctor with it. Don't just tell him about it, BE it, while you try to explain how it feels. Oh, and do some homework on what doctor to see. There has to be somewhere/one you can access to study up on who actually does his job.
OK #3, how come you're pimping these chicks to your coworker? And are you gettin' a cut of the action, or is the brother in-law your reward?(THIS OK IS AN ATTEMPT AT HUMOR - another disclaimer)
In any case, I hope you find relief and don't crash your car or your life.
just plain jane
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