Posted by octopusprime on October 26, 2004, at 22:31:39
ok i'm not quite sure what to do here. any bipolars in the room please chime in.
when i started feeling kinda manic (i guess it is almost three months ago, how time flies!) i went to a walk in clinic, where i was referred to an intake worker, who referred me to a pdoc, who said i wasn't crazy enough to treat at his centre, and then i was punted back to the medical doctor. i went to get a family physician, who went on sabbatical. so now if i go to the doctor again, it will be the fifth medical professional i've seen in less than three months.
oh and when i filled my prescription (oh your old drugs worked before, just take those) they screwed up at the pharmacy and i had to go back again to get the messed up prescription.
so i'm sick of doctors and medicine.
and that's not counting the twice now (twice! i'm going on the pill) i had to go to the doctor for emergency contraception.
i'm not being careful.
two weeks ago i was ready to move out of the country and i was interviewing at <large software company> for a new job. i was also trying to finagle other job offers which fell through.
i have a job. i just got a new employee that reports directly to me. i'm a manager now. i have a new chair, new monitor, good toys to play with. i am in line for a big raise.
assuming i don't snap and kill somebody first. new hire was warned that i'm crazy. my coworkers introduce me to their friends as crazy <my first name>. i am not so agitated as i used to be.
but i told off the corrupt coworker today. the corrupt coworker has this crazy scheme involving me, him, and his wife (oh but she's not a wife! it's his girlfriend in <town name>) that is not suitable for repeating in polite company. it involves a hot tub. this corrupt coworker wants to be fixed up with my female friends. i have arranged a meeting for him with one of my friends, and another friend of mine is flying out here to meet him. likely for less than pure purposes. and i find this discussion amusing.
in the meantime i started seeing (sleeping with) corrupt coworker's brother in law. who is nuts. and told me that he might just die skiing into an avalanche this winter. i said fine, i'll only see you once or twice a week until then. and you don't have to bother to call in between.
in the meantime i will be playing in a musical performance on saturday, i'm becoming re-involved with a local political organization, and my sister has booked a trip to visit. and yoga. and bike rides. and still time for a beer after work or a social call. no problem. oh yeah and thinking about getting a new apartment and maybe getting a ski pass or something else entirely.
so my brain is in one hundred thousand places at once, i'm loud, indiscreet, doing stupid things, potentially screwing up friendships (but meeting new people at a head-spinning rate to compensate). my medications aren't working.
but then who do i see? nobody took me seriously before. and frankly, all this circus is kinda fun and beats the living crap out of depression. i've written some beat poetry. i'm singing in public. i'm dancing more than i have in years. i am alive. painfully, thrashingly, alive ... but alive nonetheless
with this sense of dread in my head that i had better medicate myself down before this spiral gets really really out of control. i will crash this car. i know i will crash this car (because i spent the money for car repairs on clothes, poetry books, alcohol, cigarettes, and $20 facial scrubs and hand creams)
so ... what do i do? back to the doctors that didn't really evaluate me properly or have the resources to deal with me before? and then what?
argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps - i have another month's supply of meds on my desk ... they gave me three months and booted me out ... i don't know if i should go back sooner or just hope this medicated high stays relatively stable ... (they gave me celexa 20 mg and seroquel 25 mg bid and it's NOT CUTTING IT)
poster:octopusprime
thread:407727
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041026/msgs/407727.html