![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 4 to 28 of 28. Go back in thread:
Posted by gabbix2 on July 10, 2003, at 1:46:44
In reply to Don't stroke out Gracie!!, posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 0:40:55
That really needed to be Said just the way you put it!
Not just for Kara Lynn but for so many of us.I'm sorry it was brought about by a fight
It was a breath of fresh air though.
please take care.
your courage and humor are an inspiration.
I really don't want to add, while recovering from a stroke to that list..
Posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 2:06:25
In reply to Bless you Gracie, posted by gabbix2 on July 10, 2003, at 1:46:44
..and is asking if I know any good practitioners. I just CAN'T believe this! Why don't I go over there and decorate for him, and get anyone I know to also?
One of the rooms needs to look a bit more open, and the house is beam heavy--perhaps I have some ideas!!
God, HELP ME!!! Is anything wrong with this picture, or is it just me? HOW CAN HE BE DOING THIS WITH ME??!!
Posted by Emme on July 10, 2003, at 7:10:05
In reply to Now he's going to Feng Shui his new house..., posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 2:06:25
> ..and is asking if I know any good practitioners. I just CAN'T believe this! Why don't I go over there and decorate for him, and get anyone I know to also?
Oh my gawd, this guy is a piece of work. Nothing he does conforms to anything you'd expect a reasonable person to do. I'm really convinced he's cruel.
> God, HELP ME!!! Is anything wrong with this picture, or is it just me? HOW CAN HE BE DOING THIS WITH ME??!!I hate to sound like a broken record, but this is more proof that:
It's not you, it's him.I'm so sorry your mind is getting jerked around like this. Whatever you do, don't call him. He likes to hold the reins. You've seen what he can do (toss you aside after a long relationship, toss you out in the middle of the night, before exams).
New house huh? Feng shui huh? What a lot of baloney. Still just an empty life beneath it. Yours will be much better and richer in the ways that matter.
Emme is still amazed and seething over this guy.
Posted by whiterabbit on July 10, 2003, at 9:21:01
In reply to Re: Now he's going to Feng Shui his new house... » kara lynne, posted by Emme on July 10, 2003, at 7:10:05
That's what you tell him! Whew, still seem to be a little wound up, but I can still move all my parts...
Gracie
Posted by fallsfall on July 10, 2003, at 9:21:17
In reply to Re: Now he's going to Feng Shui his new house... » kara lynne, posted by Emme on July 10, 2003, at 7:10:05
Do not call. Do not email. Do not write. Do not drive past his house. Do not drive past his work. Do not call his friends.
This is withdrawal and it hurts, but it will end. I think he is enjoying shoving his "success" into your face. But you know that it is a facade and that he has his problems underneath.
You will get your act together. You will move in to a permanent place. You will shore up your support network. You will be fine. Don't let him keep you from being fine.
Keep the faith
Posted by Greg on July 10, 2003, at 9:34:06
In reply to I got your Feng Shui RIGHT HERE, buddy!, posted by whiterabbit on July 10, 2003, at 9:21:01
> That's what you tell him! Whew, still seem to be a little wound up, but I can still move all my parts...
> GracieYou know Gracie, I wish you'd learn to say what's REALLY on your mind... :)
Remind me to never piss you off. LOL!
Posted by giget on July 10, 2003, at 11:23:09
In reply to Please tell me any reason not to call him..., posted by kara lynne on July 9, 2003, at 22:52:54
Kara,
Goddess I wish you could see how my life was and is now. I find myself even now, calling my ex, and getting mad when he does not call back. We said it was over, so why would he call back.Hang in there, I have found the same times, only realizing after I have called that I did call, and what did I say? Who knows, but him.
All he will do is hurt you again... he is a control person.
He is in control of you and what you do. He is just gerking you around like his little doll. I remember one thing my ex has said to me.... I thought it was cute at the time... I think your ex is saying the same thing
" I wish I could put you in a little box under my bed and bring you out when I want to play"
What a male shoven.... ok, I am sorry, I just have a anger problem I know.You do not want him to know where you live. THen you can always say, well sometime he has to be in the neighborhood why does he not stop by, or call. Eventually you will get over him, and will not want him to know where you live or how to get a hold of you.... it will happen, it will just take time.
How can he move on and leave you in shambles? Men are wired differently, YY chromosome. They have different thought patterns, more of a single task person...
I am not getting down on men, just pointing out the differences... I could say the same for womyn!
MOst womyn want a man who understands you, who understands what you want and need. Why else would we say that nothing is wrong when there really is something wrong. We want them to think like we do. Why do we spend so much time trying to explain our feelings about a situation, only for them to say they understand just to shut us up. They will never understand, just like we will never understand them. That is what makes the sexes different and what attracts straight people.... It is the ultimate challeng to try and figure out the other sex...
Ok... tangent!!!!
So what I am trying to say, in a few words, is just give it some time. You will have to go through the seperation feelings, the lonely feelings, the greif and other stuff, but will be a whole person again. You can be a whole person by yourself. You do not want to attract the wrong people in your life right now, you are like a small youth, fragile, don't let him get in your way of having a real life...
Just don't call him.... Call me anytime... I am always up, I don't sleep much anymore.
> I'm having a really panicky time, lately. Like driving on the freeway if I'm stuck in traffic, I envision myself getting out the car and just walking and telling anyone who asks that I'm simply having a panic attack and cannot stay in the car.
>
> Likewise I've got this compulsion to call the ex--in a moment of desperation, like a fix, but I don't even know why. I know it would be demeaning and demoralizing if I called him right now. I know he will not ever give me anything I need. He's not even trying to find out where I live! I'm just stunned that he really can give me up so easily. I can't get over it. I was staying with a vapor, who never chose to be with me the whole time I was with him. It was like I could've stayed or gone, all the same to him.
>
> My therapist says, "It's time for you to come to yourself", you know, patent sentences that sound so predictable, but feel so un-do-able. It's going on three weeks since I've seen or talked to my ex (except for a few emails) after five years of being together. How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to just yank myself away and start a new life?
>
> I want to get over those panicky, impulsive moments where I feel like my hand is going to jump out in front of me and dial the phone without my permission. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm moving again in 20 days so I can't unpack, but I can't move forward.
>
> I'm sorry so many people are having such a hard time right now. I'm sorry to be so redundant.
>
>
Posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 13:27:19
In reply to Re: Please tell me any reason not to call him..., posted by giget on July 10, 2003, at 11:23:09
" I wish I could put you in a little box under my bed and bring you out when I want to play"
And YOU have the anger problem?!! This is what's killing me! This morning I opened my email and there was a message from him: "I'm hoping that one day missing will replace anger. I miss you, beautiful girl..."
Oh, just let me get through this without going completely psycho. It's as if he never said those things to me, never pulled all the things he did, and *I* am having the anger because I won't prance over to his mansion (notice how the fish keeps getting bigger and bigger) and set up his relationship corner so he can attract a better woman. Somebody slap me and calm me down, please.
Thank you for writing, I really appreciate it. But I might take you up on that calling thing...
Posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 13:34:41
In reply to Re: Now he's going to Feng Shui his new house... » kara lynne, posted by Emme on July 10, 2003, at 7:10:05
-You've seen what he can do (toss you aside after a long relationship, toss you out in the middle of the night, before exams). -
Thank you for reminding me. He's doing a great job of gaslighting me at the moment. You know I am so small in my little reaction to all of this, while he's just ready to be jolly ol' chums.
I have such a hard time with the injustice of it all. How is this ok with the universe--that he can be such an insensitive jerk and project every flaw onto me in the most infuriating way? There will never be any justice with him, so I have to stop looking there. But it's so hard when he sends me these emails like he did this morning, that he misses me and maybe someday I'll get over my "anger" problem and be as exalted as he is in his desire to be buddies. ARRRRGHHHHHH.
Thank you for seething in my behalf.
Posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 14:27:16
In reply to Emme, posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 13:34:41
I signed a year lease and didn't even look. I trusted the woman when she said it was month to month. Now I think maybe I made the whole thing up in my mind. My landlady doesn't remember my giving her notice even though she said ok. So I gave written notice today. I'm such an idiot for doing things so haphazardly. I won't be getting my deposit back. They said that it is quiet, despite my saying it is not. They said everyone else has been here for years. I said I tried to get an upstairs apt. right after I moved in--not trying to cause anyone upstairs trouble, just that it was too much noise for me.
I have no help tomorrow to move the rest of my stuff from the old house. I had help, but they flaked. So my 76 year old father with a bad back will be driving up and we will try to do it together. He'll try to hire someone to help. My "best friend" since birth and family friend whose son has a truck doesn't like to do that sort of thing. It's just wonderful the way people come through for you. People have offered so I don't want to act completely self-pitiful. It's just that they're acquaintences that I barely know and I feel funny taking them up on it. That is my problem. It's just another problem. I'm acting helpless and overwhelmed and childish.
My cat projectile vomited all over the bed repeatedly this morning. Usually I can catch her and move her to an easier place to clean before she pukes but she caught me by surprise. And I've never seen her puke so much. I'm a little concerned.
So it's not noisy here, I made it up. The landlady never said what she said and I never said what I said.
And I'm just sad and tired and yawning when I start to cry like a little kid.
I'm sorry if I'm just exploding all over this board.
Posted by Emme on July 10, 2003, at 14:53:55
In reply to Emme, posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 13:34:41
>
> Thank you for reminding me. He's doing a great job of gaslighting me at the moment. You know I am so small in my little reaction to all of this, while he's just ready to be jolly ol' chums.
You'd never be able to fully relax around him. You'd be always waiting for the other shoe to fall.
> But it's so hard when he sends me these emails like he did this morning, that he misses me and maybe someday I'll get over my "anger" problem and be as exalted as he is in his desire to be buddies. ARRRRGHHHHHH.Oooh, verrrrry manipulative he is. He's put it back on you again.
> Thank you for seething in my behalf.
Hey, always ready to seethe at injustice. :)
Emme
Posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 14:56:04
In reply to I'm having such a screwed up day., posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 14:27:16
I guess I oughta wait at least five minutes in between each trauma before posting. The flake will help after all, as long as I make it "worth his while". Ahhhh.
Posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 15:00:49
In reply to Re: Emme, posted by Emme on July 10, 2003, at 14:53:55
It's also the IRONY that he's moving into a place with the office in back of the house, and in a better neighborhood. A big part of the problem was that he was gone all the time at the office and I hated where we lived.
Of course all these changes only because he decided they were best for him at this point. And nothing changes the fact that he doesn't really want me there with him--except of course to help him decorate.
Posted by Emme on July 10, 2003, at 15:07:43
In reply to I'm having such a screwed up day., posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 14:27:16
Okay. Logistics time.
> I'm such an idiot for doing things so haphazardly.
Well, you were under considerable duress.
> I won't be getting my deposit back.
Are you SURE about that? Is it legal? We found out in *my* state that it is illegal for the landlord to keep the security deposit (except for the usual things like extreme damages, etc.) EVEN IF YOU MOVE OUT EARLY. My neighbor did a google search for tenants rights in my state and found a web site with interpretations of the law and citations for specific passages in the code. And remember, the law supersedes anything written in your lease. I am sure you, like everyone esle, could use the money, so it's worth a half hour of web searching.
> I have no help tomorrow to move the rest of my stuff from the old house. I had help, but they flaked. So my 76 year old father with a bad back will be driving up and we will try to do it together. He'll try to hire someone to help.
Yes. Good. Hire. I'm glad your dad is backing you up in this way.
> People have offered so I don't want to act completely self-pitiful. It's just that they're acquaintences that I barely know and I feel funny taking them up on it.
Take them up on it. Take them up on it. Do it. Do it. People like to feel useful and helpful and sometimes nice friendships can be started just through doing things together. You can buy pizza and soda aftewards and sit for a while with them. And at sometime, you can return the favor to them, or to someone else. It is a gift to other people to be able to accept the help they want to give.
> My cat projectile vomited all over the bed repeatedly this morning. Usually I can catch her and move her to an easier place to clean before she pukes but she caught me by surprise. And I've never seen her puke so much. I'm a little concerned.Poor little critter.
> So it's not noisy here, I made it up. The landlady never said what she said and I never said what I said.
Good luck with the move. Where are you moving to next? Do you feel okay about it?
Emme
Posted by giget on July 10, 2003, at 15:13:19
In reply to I'm having such a screwed up day., posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 14:27:16
Sorry for all the problems today... email me saradotdaneviczatsiemensdotcom for I leave work in 3 mins....
He is just a small, bully like I said before. You should take the peers up on the moving thing... Just give them drinks, and dinner after or the next day. I am sure they would love to see how it looks after you get everything put away...
> I signed a year lease and didn't even look. I trusted the woman when she said it was month to month. Now I think maybe I made the whole thing up in my mind. My landlady doesn't remember my giving her notice even though she said ok. So I gave written notice today. I'm such an idiot for doing things so haphazardly. I won't be getting my deposit back. They said that it is quiet, despite my saying it is not. They said everyone else has been here for years. I said I tried to get an upstairs apt. right after I moved in--not trying to cause anyone upstairs trouble, just that it was too much noise for me.
>
> I have no help tomorrow to move the rest of my stuff from the old house. I had help, but they flaked. So my 76 year old father with a bad back will be driving up and we will try to do it together. He'll try to hire someone to help. My "best friend" since birth and family friend whose son has a truck doesn't like to do that sort of thing. It's just wonderful the way people come through for you. People have offered so I don't want to act completely self-pitiful. It's just that they're acquaintences that I barely know and I feel funny taking them up on it. That is my problem. It's just another problem. I'm acting helpless and overwhelmed and childish.
>
> My cat projectile vomited all over the bed repeatedly this morning. Usually I can catch her and move her to an easier place to clean before she pukes but she caught me by surprise. And I've never seen her puke so much. I'm a little concerned.
>
> So it's not noisy here, I made it up. The landlady never said what she said and I never said what I said.
>
> And I'm just sad and tired and yawning when I start to cry like a little kid.
>
> I'm sorry if I'm just exploding all over this board.
Posted by whiterabbit on July 10, 2003, at 16:34:40
In reply to Don't stroke out Gracie!!, posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 0:40:55
Kara I don't know what your dx is or what kind of problems you're having (besides The Schmuck) so couldn't guess whether Seroquel would help you...Anyway just wanted to remind you, a lot of times it takes more than one med to do the trick. I have bipolar but didn't do well on a mood stabalizer...Seroquel got rid of the high anxiety,
panic attacks, insomnia and manic cycling - thank you Lord. But I was still tired and depressed, tried Wellbutrin but it made me agitated & short-tempered...then Paxil came along and...TA-DAH!!
Cleaned up the depression...heavens if you've been reading my Seroquel posts on PB then you've heard all that maybe several times. What's happening to me now is, since I've been taking a stimulant for the ADD, the mania "breaks through"
easily when I'm upset or stressed. But it's MY FAULT because I know I shouldn't drink coffee all
day long & I do anyway - and not just that colored-water type coffee, I swill the hard stuff-
espresso with an extra shot of espresso please.
(According to my book it's quite common for some ADD types to abuse stimulants as a means to "fire
up" the underactive part of the ADD brain...and here all these years I just thought I liked coffee.) Drinking coffee all day long never affected me too much but it does now that I'm taking a stimulant. I have GOT to cut down...Why no, I don't know WHAT this has to do with your problem, I'm SUPPOSED to be focusing better instead of shooting off into wierd tangents like fireworks...dear girl you hang in there and I promise you, I PROMISE you that sometime in the not-too-distant-future, you will think of The Schmuck and you will say to yourself, HOW could I have EVER thought I was in love with that fat selfish jerk, WHAT was I thinking!
It will come, it will come. You're still going through the grieving process, & you have to feel those terrible emotions that you're feeling right now, but those feelings WILL NOT LAST. Be strong, don't let the guy play you, imagine that he's sitting with one of his guy-friends and you come up in their conversation - the friend says, you screwed up man, she's gone for good. Then The Schmuck pulls a $20 bill out of his wallet and says, how much do you wanna bet, I can get her to come over and work on my house, I'll say I need some Feng Shui advice and she'll be over just like that (snaps his fingers) - God she's so easy." You just keep that little scenario in mind and be strong, the guy is a JERK.
-Gracie
Posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 16:54:48
In reply to Ahhhhh yes, the dreaded Seroquel... » kara lynne, posted by whiterabbit on July 10, 2003, at 16:34:40
...oh, bad Kara. Gracie shouldn't have coffee. And neither should I, but my goodness I love it. And I'm with you, I drink the strongest around. I try to keep it to one cup, just in the morning, but then there's the iced tea I'm drinking right now...
Around here Peet's coffee is the best and strongest you can get--we could arrange a secret manic meeting. (Ok, so I'm not bi-polar-but I'm plenty manic in my own right. And still I shouldn't be having coffee for a myriad of health reasons.)
I love tangents. Please keep going off on them as much as you like (hmmm, that sounded weird...)
Thank you so much for your support, thank you so much for your scenarios. Thank you sounds so lame when you really mean it.
Posted by kara lynne on July 10, 2003, at 17:03:35
In reply to Re: I'm having such a screwed up day. » kara lynne, posted by Emme on July 10, 2003, at 15:07:43
...I'm off to search the internet. I will let you know what I find.
I move in two weeks; it's not the best place, but it's a lot better than where I am. It's in a safe neighborhood where I will be able to walk around, and I know a few people close by (not very well, but it's still something). I feel like once I get there I might to begin to breathe. It's hard with your stuff in boxes and your landlords pointing fingers in your face and telling you you're a bad dog.
Yes, I was under duress when I made the move and I may just have to chalk it up to that. But it's amazing how I just don't know my own mind anymore once people start disputing me enough about things...
Thanks for helping me get through the day
Posted by whiterabbit on July 10, 2003, at 20:30:59
In reply to Re: I got your Feng Shui RIGHT HERE, buddy! » whiterabbit, posted by Greg on July 10, 2003, at 9:34:06
NOW you're messing with a...
Posted by giget on July 11, 2003, at 7:50:02
In reply to Re: I'm having such a screwed up day.!!!!!!, posted by giget on July 10, 2003, at 15:13:19
Good morning Kara,
I hope today is a little better than yesterday. I loved the senario of him betting that you would come over. Sometimes I think that is how I got so re involved with things.....How are you today?
Just think, you don't have to pack all that stuff again!!! That was one thing I hated, packing all my stuff.Need to talk I am here! Screwed up as normal but here....
Guess who I called after a few drinks last night.... luckily the phone was off, so no one will know I called!
Posted by kara lynne on July 11, 2003, at 12:22:29
In reply to Re: I'm having such a screwed up day.!!!!!!, posted by giget on July 11, 2003, at 7:50:02
I'm so glad the phone was turned off.
The ex promised me he'd be gone by noon today, then I get up and get an email sent at 5am that he's been up all night packing and can't get out of the house until one or two--hope that "doesn't make things difficult for me".
Even this one, small thing he couldn't do for me. It screws everything up. I DON'T want to see him, but I don't know if I can avoid it now. This just quadruples the anxiety involved.
Posted by giget on July 11, 2003, at 12:23:51
In reply to giget--don't call!!, posted by kara lynne on July 11, 2003, at 12:22:29
Kara,
Send me an email...
Giget> I'm so glad the phone was turned off.
>
> The ex promised me he'd be gone by noon today, then I get up and get an email sent at 5am that he's been up all night packing and can't get out of the house until one or two--hope that "doesn't make things difficult for me".
>
> Even this one, small thing he couldn't do for me. It screws everything up. I DON'T want to see him, but I don't know if I can avoid it now. This just quadruples the anxiety involved.
Posted by Greg A. on July 11, 2003, at 14:29:20
In reply to Please tell me any reason not to call him..., posted by kara lynne on July 9, 2003, at 22:52:54
kara lynne
sorry to interrupt the male bashing . . . not really. I wrote once a long time ago about my experience with becoming totally infatuated with a woman at my office who had split up with her husband. Nothing physical ever happened over the 4 year period but I wanted it to. I am married of course with two teenage daughters but my chromosomes and the resultant hormones ruled my life at that time. You may recall that I had ECT last fall and returned to work feeling more depressed that I ever have in my life. This wonderful person called the cops on me for supposedly threatening her but I really think she decided she wanted nothing to do with a mentally ill person and this was her compassionate way of letting me know.
Now to the point of this – how to escape from a person you thought you cared about and who you thought cared about you.
As someone said – time. You will think straighter and the hurt will be far less painful. I know, easier said than done. It’s like quitting smoking - one day at a time.
Write down your hateful feelings and questions of how he could have done this to your life knowing that you are not well. Get rid of the feeling but on paper only. Don’t re-read them. (there is no use in telling him because if he cared he would still be with you)
Please avoid contact. You will only start the cycle again. (like having one cigarette)
Know that you are the caring, good person (not him) because you would never do what he has done.
Try not to feel that you are somehow second rate. Chances are he will find out shortly that his new partner has flaws which make Ilsa She-Wolf of the SS look like Mary Poppins. Men are exceedingly stupid that way. Everything looks so attractive and better when viewed from below the waist. When the novelty wears off we discover someone who would phone the cops on a very ill person.I wish you well
Greg A.
Posted by kara lynne on July 11, 2003, at 23:13:03
In reply to Re: Please tell me any reason not to call him..., posted by Greg A. on July 11, 2003, at 14:29:20
Hi Greg,
Does it sound to you then like this happened because he's got someone else? That thought rather kills me, although of course I've thought it myself.
Posted by kara lynne on July 12, 2003, at 0:51:50
In reply to Re: Please tell me any reason not to call him..., posted by Greg A. on July 11, 2003, at 14:29:20
Sorry to have responded only to that (typical female). I just wanted to say I appreciated your post and your suggestions. Unfortunately I did see him today, although not by choice, and it did indeed make things harder. I feel all triggered up again.
Also, I did not know you went through that experience at work, or with the ECT. I'm sorry to hear how that turned out, although you are obviously feeling much better now. I'm curious to know what ended up making the difference, if you ever want to share.
Anyway, thanks again for sharing the male perspective. I am really grateful to hear it from such a kind male!
This is the end of the thread.
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