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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Which obviously doesn't stand out here. Everyone seems to be having such a hard time. I haven't caught up on reading posts from while I was away for just 3 days, but I see that things are not good for a lot of folks.
I just wanted to be able to tell someone that I deleted the remaining card games from my computer because I was getting caught up again in these dissociative hours of playing free cell. I thought it would be ok since I deleted minesweeper but I found a way to make freecell grab my attention--I counted moves and limited myself to a certain number. I fear this is another OCD like thing. I don't have the dx of OCD, but I have some OCD problems and they seem worse all the time.
I might have to take a break from Babble soon, too, as it is so upsetting lately to see all the distress and I feel overwhelmed. It is sad to take a break--I want to help but I don't know what to say anymore to help.
Please take care of yourselves, everyone. I may check back in later or perhaps take a break--just didn't want to suddenly disappear--I had promised to not do that. So if I'm not here for a while, just know I, too, am taking a break.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 8, 2003, at 16:30:10
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Hi noa
I don't know what to say either, I have such a hard time with that, it seems I can only ever
comiserate with someone.
I am really sorry you're so down though,
really. I keep saying that "really!" cause it still surprises me sometimes, that I think and worry about the people here during my day, and those aren't just words.
Thanks for letting us know you might be taking a break,
and for letting me know I'm not the only one who just doesn't know what to say sometimes.Take care.
And sorry you had to delete your card games:(
Gee, if I didn't escape I don't know what I'd do.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 8, 2003, at 16:30:11
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Hi noa
I don't know what to say either, I have such a hard time with that, it seems I can only ever
comiserate with someone.
I am really sorry you're so down though,
really. I keep saying that "really!" cause it still surprises me sometimes, that I think and worry about the people here during my day, and those aren't just words.
Thanks for letting us know you might be taking a break,
and for letting me know I'm not the only one who just doesn't know what to say sometimes.Take care.
And sorry you had to delete your card games:(
Gee, if I didn't escape I don't know what I'd do.
Posted by NikkiT2 on July 8, 2003, at 16:38:56
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Sorry you're having a tough time Noa.. I'm feeling much better this week than last which is good. And no withdrawal from the prozac *woo hoo*!!
Hope you pop back to read these posts.. you're a good person and will, ofcourse, be missed. But I do feel that you will return so my contact with you won't be lost forever.
Do well
Nikki x
Posted by fallsfall on July 8, 2003, at 17:24:23
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
We'll miss you! But do what you need to do for you. We'll be here when you get back.
Posted by whiterabbit on July 8, 2003, at 17:35:48
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Noa-
You have always been a calm & loving presence on the board & you always help others by simply saying, "I hear you, I understand & I care." And I think that's just what we need after all...Please come back when you're feeling up for it. Sometimes things do get intense here & we feel the need to get away from it for a bit, because you always have to take care of yourself first -
otherwise you can't be a help to anyone else.
Be well sweetie -
Gracie
Posted by Greg on July 8, 2003, at 17:47:06
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
We all have to take time away to recharge our batteries now and then. You do whatever you need to do to make sure you're taking the very best care of yourself that you can.
I was really glad though to hear that you somtimes just can't find the words to say to others here. When that happens to me, I always assume it's because I fried a few too many brain cells as a teenager...
I hope we see you soon, but only when you're ready.
Much love my friend,
Greg
Posted by whiterabbit on July 8, 2003, at 18:29:34
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
I was thinking of what you said about erasing the card games from your computer, I'm not sure what you mean by disassociation although I've seen that word cropping up around here more & more, I assume it's a form of escapism or letting your mind slip into auto-pilot while you're focusing on the card games? Somebody correct me if I'm wrong about that.Anyway what I was going to say is, I don't see anything so terrible about that. There's no reason that your mind has to be "on" all the time,
& I would think the cards games would be better than zoning out in front of the TV, because at least in the cards games you're actually participating in an activity. If it helps you relax and "get away" for awhile, what's the big deal? It doesn't seem harmful to be but again, maybe I'm off base here.I remember reading somewhere that if golf is the focus of most of your pleasure in life (as it seems to be with a lot of people who take up golf, although I don't get it myself - but thats beside the point) and you start having serious financial difficulties, the ONE thing that you SHOULDN'T do about your money problems is to sell your golf clubs. It's not worth it! Depriving yourself of one of the few - maybe the only - things you're truly passionate about will only serve to make your life exceedingly grim.
I'm not sure how this relates to you exactly but damn it sounded good in my head, LOL. Take care of yourself, dear, & come back soon.
-Gracie
Posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 22:39:01
In reply to Noa one more thing..., posted by whiterabbit on July 8, 2003, at 18:29:34
HI, thanks Gabbi, Nikki, Fallsfall, Gracie, and Greg. I couldn't resist coming back to check in before going to sleep.
I am so relieved to read that Racer went to counseling. It is a step.
Greg, you are wonderful, btw. (re 2000)
Gabbi--I think I finally get the "x2"--I'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes.
I am overwhelmed with a lot of stuff. I also am not feeling great. My ears took until mid-day to pop back to earth pressure. I had never had ear problems flying before, but this time, I must have still had fluid left from my cold last week, and it was very painful and I was pretty deaf temporarily. But I also have been having some GI symptoms for a few days, must be some kind of bug because one of the babies in the family I visited with had GI problems yesterday. Poor little guy was getting all dehydrated.
Anyway, I slept for a little while, rescheduled with my therapist and somehow, miraculously, was able to find my old (expired) passport. Now, I just need to borrow money so I can get a new passport in time for my trip next month. After yesterday's travelling annoyances, the last thing I feel like doing is planning for another plane trip--and a long one at that, and because of my late passport problem, I'll probably end up in a horrible seat. Makes me want to cancel the trip. But of course, the ticket is already bought and not returnable.
Still having GI stuff, but my mood is a tiny bit better. I'm depressed, and anxious about how out of control my life feels, but not feeling as much like I'm going to fall apart like I was feeling earlier today.
I'm worried I won't be able to get up for work in the morning. Maybe I'll work half a day-either before therapy or after--I'll have to play that by ear.
Thanks all. So, my break is deferred for now. I'll have to play that by ear from day to day, as well.
Thanks.
Posted by noa on July 9, 2003, at 8:39:34
In reply to Noa one more thing..., posted by whiterabbit on July 8, 2003, at 18:29:34
Gracie, you're right--it is not so terrible--for most people. But I seem to be so easily addicted and lose hours and hours--I have so much time to "relax" -- that is not my problem. I tend to waste a lot of time on the computer and lose track of time. And often, the longer I get into these inert modes, the harder it is for me to get moving again. And I get more depressed.
AND, I get really caught up in it--in kind of an OCD way. After I started counting moves in Freecell, I also noticed myself counting everything all the time. I'd catch myself counting steps as I walk, etc. This is an OCD thing and it is agitating for me.
But I'm not knocking computer games for other people. A lot of people find them relaxing and fun. I just need to stay away from them right now.
Posted by Tabitha on July 9, 2003, at 12:55:45
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
I'm sorry to hear you're down Noa. Seems like a good time to say-- thanks for responding to so many of my posts. You've been very kind and supportive to me and I appreciate it. Take care of yourself with a break or whatever you need.
Posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 15:25:06
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Noa-
First I'll tell you why all the interest on my part about OCD (besides that I care about you of course). All manner of serious mental disorders has began to show up in the maternal side of our family (here I could make a joke about our family being from the Arkansas backwoods but I won't). I've been diagnosed with bipolar and ADD. One of my cousins has had a hellish time raising her son
who has been institutionalized, hospitalized, rehabilitated, in & out of prison - all since the age of 10. He's been diagnosed with bipolar & who knows what...fortunately he's an only child. Another cousin has one child with Tourettes and ANOTHER cousin has a small child who, tragically, was just diagnosed as autistic (he's 4 years old and has never spoken a word, not even 'mama'). These are all my first cousins...I don't even WANT to know what's happening to second & third cousins.Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what's going on with my cousin who has the autistic child. He's got the hand-washing thing pretty bad...but now it's getting worse. He's a really charming guy, actually, but at his house you have to follow the rules - like, after you're done watching TV, you have to clean off the remote with an alcohol pad.
If he has to show up somewhere that he's not comfortable with, where there might be a lot of unclean surfaces, he wears driving gloves. I've been sort of watching his disorder get worse over time with some bewilderment, I wish I could do something but I don't know what.Anyway, after my recent diagnosis of ADD (I've had the bipolar dx for some time), I bought an INCREDIBLE book called "Healing ADD - the breakthrough program that allows you to see and heal the 6 types of ADD" by Daniel Amen MD. What's so impressive about this guy is that he uses 3-D brain scanning (SPECT studies) to study and confirm his theories on ADD type and treatments, which means actual, visible proof of diagnosis & successful treatment methods. Maybe this knocks me out because I'm an x-ray tech, I dunno. Anyway, I pulled out the book to see if he had anything to say about OCD - there wasn't a whole lot but what he does say is interesting.
Dang it, I have to go move my car before I get a ticket. The NEXT place I move will have off-street parking. AOL will kick me off if I'm gone too long & I tell you what, when I get moved & hook up my computer again, AOL can KISS MY !@&%#$!
Be back in a little while.
-Gracie
Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2003, at 17:23:54
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 19:26:12
In reply to Some thoughts on OCD » noa, posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 15:25:06
Okay I'm back - got delayed. Anyway here's what Dr. Amen has to say about OCD -
"Other Things to Look For in Assessing ADD:
When ADD is present, these other problems should be evaluated. Sometimes these problems are misdiagnosed as ADD, sometimes they occur with ADD.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: OCD is marked by a person with obsessions (repetitive negative thoughts) and/or compulsions (repetitive negative behaviors), which interfere with their lives. People with OCD get "stuck" or "locked in" to negative thoughts or behaviors. In my clinical experience, there is a high percentage of people with ADD who also have features of OCD, especially if there is significant alcohol abuse in their family backgrounds. The overfocused subtype of ADD has many features in common with OCD, and both disorders tend to respond best to anti-obsessive antidepressants, such as Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, Anafranil, and Zoloft."Now at this point, I took a quick look at the symptoms for Type 3 Overfocused ADD. Noa, of course I don't know you nearly well enough to make any sort of judgement call but to me, a lot of the symptoms didn't seem to apply to you at all like, "Has a tendency to hold onto his or her own opinion and not listen to others", "Has a tendency to hold grudges", "Is oppositional and argumentative". In case you're interested here are the other symptoms listed that may or may not apply to you:
-Worries excessively or senselessly
-Has a strong tendency to get locked into negative thoughts, having the same thought over and over
-Has a tendency toward compulsive behaviors
-Has trouble shifting attention from subject to subject
-Has difficulties seeing options in situations
-Has a tendency to get locked into a course of action, whether or not it is good for him or her
-Needs to have things done a certain way or becomes very upset
-Is criticized by others for worrying too much"At the time I started my brain-imaging work, there were several studies in this field that suggested that there was overactivity in the anterior cingulate gyrus in patients who had obsessive compulsive disorder." (Oh yeah! The anterior cingulate gyrus, why didn't I think of that?)"In 1991 a SPECT study reported that Prozac decreased activity in the anterior cingulate gyrus in patients with OCD...we have found that serotonergic medications seem to be the most helpful in this disorder.
"Differentiating Type 3 (Overfocused) ADD from OCD and OCPD-
I am frequently asked how I differentiate people with this type of ADD from people who have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) or obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). That is easy. All three groups have overfocused tendencies (anterior cigulate issues), but people with Type 3 (Overfocused) ADD also have long-standing core ADD symptoms: short attention span, distractibility, spotty organization, poor follow-through, and poor internal supervision. People with OCD have clear obsessive thoughts and/or compulsive behaviors, such as repetitively checking locks or handwashing. People with OCPD have difficult personality traits - such as emotional rigidity, an "anal" need for sameness, the need to have their way, and compulsive cleanliness - but generally do not have core ADD symptoms. In fact, they usually have the opposite of ADD symptoms: they are overorganized, always on time, never say anything impulsively, and must follow through with every task." (I used to work for an orthopedic surgeon who had this OCPD-type personality. He was EXTREMELY difficult to work for, always tearing my head off for little stuff, like not having a grease-pencil for drawing on
x-rays WITHIN ARM'S REACH of every viewbox. But when my son needed knee surgery, I made a beeline for Dr. OCPD because I KNEW FOR SURE there would be no screw-ups during the operation - and there wasn't.)Well if you find any of that remotely interesting, Dr. Amen has a website with more information at www.brainplace.com - I think it's fascinating but you might be nodding off by now!
Maybe I could be a psychiatrist...do they run background checks on you before they let you into psychiatrist school, I wonder. If they do, I'd probably be arrested for trying to get in there.
Oh well...
Gracie
Posted by yesac on July 9, 2003, at 20:54:00
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Hi noa.... if you are still reading, I just want to say that you've always been really supportive and responsive to my posts and I enjoy your presence on the board. So take your time... but I'll be looking forward to your "return".
Posted by noa on July 9, 2003, at 22:38:56
In reply to Re: Some thoughts on OCD - Part 2, posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 19:26:12
Gracie--thanks for all the Amen info--and god bless you for all that typing!!
I actually have one of Amen's books--picked it up at a used book sale not long ago. But haven't read it yet--you've sparked my interest.
I don't really fit the descriptions. I don't really have "rituals" like repetetive stuff. I do *sometimes* obsess about germs in public restrooms, etc. But at the same time, I'm definitely not fastidious or anything.
I can get overfocused sometimes--like on the computer games. I also sometimes get off onto tangential stuff and forget about what my main task was.
I think I have "cognitive compulsions" like I'll find myself thinking something over and over, even though mostly I was not conscious of it--kind of like I was thinking it but not paying attention to what I was thinking, so I keep repeating it to myself until I notice how annoying it is that I've been thinking it over and over again--only then will I pay attention to the thought!
I have behaviors that I think fall under OCD but are much like tics--like picking at my skin, etc. I just recently heard the term "Tourettic Compulsions" as in related to Tourette Syndrome. This term sounds to me like it applies to some of my behaviors. They aren't typical OCD compulsions, like to ward off bad things happening. They feel more automatic, difficult to suppress, tic-like.
Anyway, thanks for the OCD thoughts. And I am glad you don't think some of those personality traits apply to me!!
Posted by noa on July 9, 2003, at 22:39:51
In reply to Re: Take care of yourself. (nm) » noa, posted by Dinah on July 9, 2003, at 17:23:54
Thanks, Dinah! Hey, you're still here, too. I decided to defer my "break" but am taking it day by day. How are you doing?
Posted by noa on July 9, 2003, at 22:44:09
In reply to Re: Having a hard day, posted by Tabitha on July 9, 2003, at 12:55:45
Posted by noa on July 9, 2003, at 22:44:32
In reply to Re: Having a hard day » noa, posted by yesac on July 9, 2003, at 20:54:00
Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2003, at 8:01:38
In reply to Re: Take care of yourself. » Dinah, posted by noa on July 9, 2003, at 22:39:51
I'm still pretty much on Babble break, just fell to temptation for a minute or two. I've got this feeling that with my therapist gone, I should remain very very still to avoid any possibility of problems. I'm annoyed with myself for the dependency, but there it is. And I'm banging my head for telling him that I didn't want to pursue the backup therapist idea. Fear triumphs over sense yet again.
I'm off back to emotionally curl up into a tight little ball till he gets back. But I might pop in from time to time.
Glad you're feeling a bit better.
Posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 12:38:07
In reply to Having a hard day, posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 16:07:03
Are you still hangin' around? Feeling any better?
Thinking of you.
P
This is the end of the thread.
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