![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by giget on July 7, 2003, at 10:08:26
Ok, so I have been seeing a wonderful therapist durning my breakdown. Last week, he upset me. He was being very sarcastic about my religion, and trying to make me believe it is just a projection of what my life was and not a religion. This is one thing I do not allow. I fight everyday with people over this and have ahd to explained the basic idea of it so many times.
He said that he knew he was pushing me... and I told him yes, but the whole hour the subject did not change.
I have a lot of built up anger, and he got to see some of it. Nothing bad, just the stubborn side of me, and I told him that is just part of me.
I was so angry when I left, I thought he would be understanding enough to say, well she believes in something, that will help. He got upset with me too that night.
So....
NOW I have to decide if I want to go to him anymore. I know you are going to get in heated disscussions in therapy but this threw me off all weekend. All weekend I have thought about this.I do have problems, he thinks they all go back to child hood, no abuse, just people did not appriecate me for who I was.... I was a very unique child, and person now.
I have an appointment with him tonight that I don't want to go to, but I am just going to go and explain to him my feelings from the last session, and that I want to cut back on the sessions. I go once a week, and maybe we can cut back to once every other week or once a month. He has helped me so much, I don't want to just dump something good, but when they come at your soul like that it makes you wonder.
So what do I do?
I am also trying to move, save money, and sessions cost alot each week......Any suggestions?
Posted by whiterabbit on July 7, 2003, at 11:07:55
In reply to Therapist Question, posted by giget on July 7, 2003, at 10:08:26
I'm mystified by your therapist's intentions. Maybe I'll ask my own therapist why your guy would do such a thing, if he was giving you a hard time for a specific therapist-like reason or if possibly your therapist has a personal bias against your particular religion. There are a few religions I'm not so wild about myself, BUT I believe in religious freedom UP to a point, I don't have an "anything goes" attitude. Like for instance, those people who watch their children
die for lack of medical attention because they believe the power of prayer alone will do the healing. When their children die, I think those people should go to prison. That's what I think.But unless you're involved in a situation like that, your religion is none of your therapist's business & I can't come up with any good reasons myself why your therapist would disapprove of something that brings you comfort & adds meaning to your life.
Still, if your therapist has been good for you up to this point, maybe you should reconsider ditching him right away. Maybe you misinterpreted his meaning or motive, or maybe the guy was just having a terrible day & he let it get the best of him. If I was you, I would forget the religious discussion altogether - there's a reason that traditionally, religion & politics weren't discussed in polite company. Unless you're having a problem (besides him) that involves your religious beliefs, then why bring it up at all?
You're paying good money for your therapist's time & you shouldn't have to use it defending your religious preferences.If you're so upset that you can't force yourself to just let it go, write him a letter explaining your feelings & bring it with you to your next appointment. Don't give it to him until you're ready to leave, or you'll be paying for the time it takes for him to read & digest the letter & come up with his response, which is what you're trying to avoid. If he brings up the subject tell him you would prefer not to discuss religion right now and go on to the next subject.
THEN you can discuss your letter during the session after that, if you want to. You should be able to talk about whatever YOU want to talk about because it's your dime. That's what I think.
-Gracie
Posted by mair on July 7, 2003, at 12:26:44
In reply to Therapist Question, posted by giget on July 7, 2003, at 10:08:26
My therapist has decided that she has to push me on some subjects or I'd just avoid them forever. On the other hand, she's also noted that she can't push so hard that I decide I don't want to be in therapy anymore. I think you need to be pretty open with your therapist about your feelings about what happened. If he's been a good therapist for you, it would be unfortunate to let this one session determine your future relationship.
Mair
Posted by fallsfall on July 7, 2003, at 12:58:09
In reply to Re: Therapist Question, posted by mair on July 7, 2003, at 12:26:44
I think that you need to have a very clear discussion with your therapist. Tell him exactly what he did that you didn't like. Tell him how it affected you. Tell him that it made you consider leaving. Tell him what you want him to do around that subject. Then ask what he was trying to accomplish. Ask if it was necessary. Ask if you request that he not do that anymore, can he honor your request.
Sometimes it can be hard to be so open and honest. But, as the survivor of a patient-therapist war, I encourage you to talk about it soon and very openly.
What I am recommending is to tell him what he did, tell him how it made you feel, give him a chance to explain himself, and then tell him what you want him to do in the future (since you are paying him).
I agree that you should try to work this out and not stop (or reduce sessions) due to one session.
You said that he knew he was pushing you, but you don't say that you asked him to stop.
Bring it up and have a discussion about it.
Good luck!!!
Posted by Penny on July 7, 2003, at 13:08:25
In reply to Therapist Question, posted by giget on July 7, 2003, at 10:08:26
I think you should confront your therapist about what he said that upset you, if you at all can. I know it is hard - I have huge problems with confronting those I disagree with or those who say something (even unintentionally) that hurts me.
My former therapist didn't really discuss religion with me, even went so far as to say she isn't a religious counselor and didn't feel comfortable counseling me in that area, not that she ever prevented me from talking about it. My current therapist actually recommended a church to me, but was quick to say that it was just a thought if I was looking for somewhere b/c, judging by how I talked about my past religious experiences, it might be a place I would feel comfortable. She made sure I understood that she wasn't 'pushing' religion on me or counseling me on what church I should be going to, she was just making a recommendation if I needed one (she's been in this area for a long time).
From my perspective, it is not your therapist's place at all to criticize or comment on your religion, as religion is a very personal choice. Although I suppose I could see him saying something if he felt like it was 'harming' you in some way - holding you back or something. But from what you say, that's not the case.
You could always confront him and make it very clear that your religious choices are not topics open for discussion. It is YOUR therapy.
If he is not receptive to your thoughts, perhaps then you should consider finding someone new. But, I think you should consider giving him another chance, at least to discuss with him your anger and frustration over what happened in that session.
Good luck.
Penny
Posted by giget on July 8, 2003, at 7:44:32
In reply to Re: Therapist Question » giget, posted by Penny on July 7, 2003, at 13:08:25
I went to the therapist last night on my scheduled visit. I explained that he made me very upset and I felt like he was trying to pick apart and rationalize my religion. I told him how I felt. I also told him that I am going to cut back to every other week, that if I look at the weeks as a whole then I will not pick at every little thing that upset me, just the big stuff. He agreed with me, and I told him that he has helped me and that I still need his help.
After that he asked what I wanted to talk about... so I started rambling on about something, and I could see a change in him. He did not write anything down, he sat sorta half way on the chair, it was relaxed looking.
I told him of my goal to find another job and he was happy with that also.
Posted by fallsfall on July 8, 2003, at 12:17:46
In reply to Went last night, posted by giget on July 8, 2003, at 7:44:32
Good for you!!!
Assertiveness at its best.
Now he knows how you feel - and you didn't hurt him by telling the truth.
Rah Rah!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.