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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Kam on January 4, 2003, at 13:42:22
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » Kam, posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 13:22:56
I totally agree with you it's not just women, and yes there are many different types of abuse. I apologize again for focusing on women, I just found out last week that my very best friend had been abused by her soon to be ex husband and she never said a word to me, til it got too bad to stand. That was my reason for focusing on women, again yes that was wrong. I simply know for me talking about it has been my best therapy but yes for some it may not be. I thank you for your responses and wish you both a HAPPY FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF life !! And yes I said that loudly because I mean it strongly !
Posted by bluedog on January 4, 2003, at 22:06:24
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » Kam, posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 13:22:56
Hi Kid a
I have a close friend who was also born with your medical condition....only thing is the doctors didn't do such a great job with the surgery and the results are still noticeable. I admire him for his courage in making the life he now has for himself but he still bears the mental scars that a childhood with physical scars created for him.
We all have our own "Cross to bear"
I really admire you for putting up a photo of yourself on this site but it seems that was a really good move on your part judging by the number of admirers you now have. I don't think I would have the courage to put up my own photo on the net as I would be terrified that people will then judge me by my looks rather than my words.
To all you others that have had the courage to put up photos of yourselves I take my hat off to you also.
Warm regards
bluedog
Posted by shar on January 4, 2003, at 23:53:10
In reply to Kam.....men get battered too, posted by Alii on January 4, 2003, at 13:17:44
I have a terrible time agreeing with the idea that ..."there are men who suffer just as much *if not more than* some women do" (emphasis mine).
I think I've probably stepped into threads dozens of times by now, with my opinion (my opinion) (that is, my opinion) that no good comes from comparisons of pain levels or suffering levels, and it might even end up causing friction when it occurs.
While I would love to be more flowery and poetic about my opinion, I am a rather down-to-earth person who just "says." My saying is not aimed at anyone in particular, nor is it a command (nor even a request for people to behave a certain way), but just expressing my opinion, and I only do this masochistic exercise because I believe that the further away we can get from potentially endless disagreements or comparisons (see below), the closer we can get to finding common ground (if that is what we want).
Some (tongue-in-cheek) examples that could lead to potentially endless disagreements:
That's red.
Squares experience more existential angst than triangles.
[Drug] is better than [drug].
[Drug] should be used to treat [symptom or condition].
Verbs are better than nouns.
Tricycles are more sensitive than big wheels.
I suffer more than you.
My pain is more exquisite than yours.
My depressive condition is quintessential agony.
He should just cheer up.
She should just pull herself up by her bootstraps.Well, y'all get the idea. Let the attacks begin.
Shar
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 5, 2003, at 0:16:31
In reply to I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 4, 2003, at 23:53:10
shar,
i have tried for along time to get my husband to hit me...
he wont..
i never touched him either.
there is a line that when crossed...
violence is another way express pain regardless of sex.
i would never hurt my kids..
its hard to understand?
jyl
Posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 0:19:57
In reply to I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 4, 2003, at 23:53:10
...shut then why not do so?
~A.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 5, 2003, at 0:39:32
In reply to If you feel like you should keep your fingers ... » shar, posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 0:19:57
>I only do this masochistic exercise because I >believe that the further away we can get from >potentially endless disagreements or >comparisons (see below), the closer we can get >to finding common ground (if that is what we want
I think that is where shar mentioned why she
was compelled to say something.
Posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 0:54:48
In reply to If you feel like you should keep your fingers ... » shar, posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 0:19:57
> ...shut then why not do so?
>
> ~A.8-)
It's the principle of the thing. Gets me every time.
Almost always outweighs what I "should" do for the sake of polite society.
Shar
Posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 1:00:14
In reply to Re: If you feel like you should keep your fingers ... » Alii, posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 0:54:48
> > ...shut then why not do so?
> >
> > ~A.
>
> 8-)
>
> It's the principle of the thing. Gets me every time.
>
> Almost always outweighs what I "should" do for the sake of polite society.
>
> Shar
And I, Shar, speak out for the community of men who suffer with the difficulity of being battered men. I don't say battered men or women have it worse but was only trying to point out that hetero, lesbian, bi, gay, trans no matter the make up of the relationship the possibility of battering is there. And the suffering is real.That was all I was trying to get across. That anyone in an abusive relationship is suffering and hopfully can find the strength through people on this site or pointers to other sites more specific to domestic abuse.
And Shar, by now you must *know* I am NOT polite society!!! So no worries about holding tongues or fingers for my sake. ;)
~Alii
Posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:06
In reply to Re: I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but, » shar, posted by justyourlaugh on January 5, 2003, at 0:16:31
> shar,
> i have tried for along time to get my husband to hit me...
> he wont..
> i never touched him either.
> there is a line that when crossed...
> violence is another way express pain regardless of sex.
> i would never hurt my kids..
> its hard to understand?
> jylJYL:
I don't think I understand your post. I understand the sentences individually, but when I read the whole thing, I think I'm missing the point. Probably my concrete, non-poetic nature causes that.Shar
Posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:21
In reply to I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 4, 2003, at 23:53:10
Shar I think the idea of these diatribes it that it is possible for men to suffer abuse. I was in a abusive relationship where I recal my ex kicking me repeatedly over my depression and my inability to fight back, what was I going to do, punch her?No one is positing that one sex suffers more than another, though statistics may prove this otherwise. I don't think that was the intention. No one is claiming the right to more grief than another... There is much less discord than you interpret.
Perhaps rather than constantly trying to constantly smoothe out the differences in opinion between posters you should see them perhaps as pieces of a greater puzzle, a dialouge if you will that leads both writers to a better understanding of one another.
Nobody needs a hero here.
Posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 1:08:39
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » kid a, posted by bluedog on January 4, 2003, at 22:06:24
> I really admire you for putting up a photo of yourself on this site but it seems that was a really good move on your part judging by the number of admirers you now have. I don't think I would have the courage to put up my own photo on the net as I would be terrified that people will then judge me by my looks rather than my words.
thanks for your response, bluedog, it is a warmth to my heart. yes i have known others like me in moments of my youth... we all tended to avoid each other... none of us wanted to emphasise our shortcomings by ganging up together...
i think i am very lucky to have a very brilliant doctor who performed my last surgery. i could perhaps get another, one final cut... but he told me something quite sage... there is only so much you can do... and the combination now of dread of hospitals and happiness with my current self keeps me out from under the knife...
its only with the cam that i can even talk about my past... that i can show people that i am not, a hideous deformed monster... i had not spoken of it until now.
be well.
Posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 1:09:14
In reply to Re: I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:06
> > shar,
> > i have tried for along time to get my husband to hit me...
> > he wont..
> > i never touched him either.
> > there is a line that when crossed...
> > violence is another way express pain regardless of sex.
> > i would never hurt my kids..
> > its hard to understand?
> > jyl
~~~~~~~~~~~
> JYL:
> I don't think I understand your post. I understand the sentences individually, but when I read the whole thing, I think I'm missing the point. Probably my concrete, non-poetic nature causes that.
>
> Shar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Justyourlaugh,
I am a bit mystified by what you wrote in this thread and am slightly worried that you or your husband are 'trying' to provoke violence from one another?
Please please correct me if I'm wrong.
I'm just concerned is all.
~alii
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 1:24:18
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » Kam, posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 13:22:56
kid a,
My cousin was born with a cleft pallet, after having three girls he finally had his son who had a Cleft pattet as well. Last I heard from my mother he was in the hospital with a 105 degree temperature. He is also the brother of a mongoloid sister, who I totally adored and carried on my hip for years. I remember the verbal abuse from his peers. And they stood up for her 100%. It's not the outer appearance that matters, it's whats inside that counts. Beauty is only skin deep ! And BTW to some : Hatred does know it's bounds"
Posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 1:31:29
In reply to Re: I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but, » shar, posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:21
>
> Shar I think the idea of these diatribes it that it is possible for men to suffer abuse.Kid A, my post was not in disagreement with that idea. I am sorry if that's the way you took it. Rather, I was addressing, in more general terms, the idea of comparisons, their helpfulness (or lack thereof), and where they may lead.
> No one is positing that one sex suffers more than another, though statistics may prove this otherwise.
Kid A, well, that point was suggested, and it was the comparison that got my attention, and concerned me.
> Perhaps rather than constantly trying to constantly smoothe out the differences in opinion between posters you should see them perhaps as pieces of a greater puzzle, a dialouge if you will that leads both writers to a better understanding of one another.I believe that some forms of discourse lead to a better understanding, and some don't, which is what my post was about.
>
> Nobody needs a hero here.I didn't realize it appeared I was trying to be a hero. God forbid. However, I will say that there are people here who are heroes to me, and I've needed them before and probably will again.
Shar
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 1:38:48
In reply to Re: I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:06
I definitely don't understanded it ! You say it's hard to understand, that is an understatement after being a breath between life and death. Please explain.
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 1:58:38
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » bluedog, posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 1:08:39
To Bluedog,
I'm sorry I missed your photo !! If you read my other threads, I am a cousin of a mongoloid cousin, I used to ask my mom, can I have a sister just like her??? Beauty is only skin deep. She was and Still is awesome, the doctors told my aunt she would not live past 16, well I am forty and she is 35, and she still to this day plays a verify important roll in my life!! And now her nephew, who has Cleft Palette! Just like her dad did, pray for us please, he is in the hospital now with a 105 degree temperature!!!
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 10:59:16
In reply to Re: abuse debaser, posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 1:58:38
Sorry Bluedog, I meant kid a. These SSRI's have affected my concentration and short term memory terribly. I am trying to work on how to improve the concentration thing on a full time basis. Any ideas out there would be appreciated.!
Thanks
Posted by bluedog on January 5, 2003, at 11:30:26
In reply to Re: abuse debaser, posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 10:59:16
Posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 17:33:04
In reply to Re: abuse debaser, posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 10:59:16
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 18:17:32
In reply to Re: abuse debaser - a picture of myself... now..., posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 17:33:04
>
> http://home.cfl.rr.com/discostud/hello.htmOne of my favorites!!!!! I love the Police !!!
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 18:33:18
In reply to Re: abuse debaser - a picture of myself... now..., posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 18:17:32
> >
> > http://home.cfl.rr.com/discostud/hello.htm
>
> One of my favorites!!!!! I love the Police !!!P.S. Don't know you but from what I've read, LOVE YOU TOO !! Again Beauty is on the inside. I've run across many "beautiful" people in my life but they were so hollow inside. Not for me. I go much deeper than that !
Posted by trouble on January 7, 2003, at 23:06:24
In reply to Are there really no other abused women out there?, posted by Kam on January 4, 2003, at 1:07:51
Jesus Christ Kam you are gonna get me
blocked again, I am a woman, I have counseled wives, children and men in abusive and dysfunctional family systems and in honor of
their memory I will now go slam my fist thru the wall. Tit for tat sister, your posts create violence.trouble
Posted by Alii on January 7, 2003, at 23:15:29
In reply to Re: Are there really no other abused women out there?, posted by trouble on January 7, 2003, at 23:06:24
Posted by Zo on January 8, 2003, at 14:56:44
In reply to Re: Are there really no other abused women out there?, posted by trouble on January 7, 2003, at 23:06:24
a breath of fresh air just blew through this thread. . . . . . .. ahhh. nice.
zo
Posted by Kam on January 8, 2003, at 19:05:25
In reply to Re: Are there really no other abused women out there?, posted by trouble on January 7, 2003, at 23:06:24
trouble,
As I stated in a prior message I already apologized for using CAPS which was loud. I also apologized for not including men. I also stated after my 17 year abusive prior marriage, I found out my best friends husband had been abusing her for years and she never talked to me about it. I tend to get a little emotional when I think about abuse, as I'm quite sure all of you out there do. Again I apologized for that. I found this board one day and saw the word support in the definition of the board, so I thought I would see if there was anyone else out there not speaking, I responded to someone else that said maybe I should go to a board specifically for abuse which I am already on a couple. I also stated that I would not post another message about the subject should there be no responses. And I have kept my promise and have not. So if everyone would stop posting addtions to this thread it would go away. I am sorry that you had to deal with so many people who have been abused it must have been hard to see and hear. I on the other hand having been there myself am no longer angry simply want to lend an ear, and support if needed, something I never had an opportunity to do. Again, I have not posted anything else on this board against abuse and will continue to not do so, but I will not apologize for the inital post again, for I have already done so. I don't know maybe as well as coming off too boldly I misunderstood the word support on the top of the board ! Here's to a wonderful life for you.Kam
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