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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 39. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kam on January 4, 2003, at 1:07:51
WE NEED TO STAND TALL AND HELP EACH OTHER!!
Posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 12:02:22
In reply to Are there really no other abused women out there?, posted by Kam on January 4, 2003, at 1:07:51
> WE NEED TO STAND TALL AND HELP EACH OTHER!!
Hi Kam,
Thanks for the all caps, its quite readable that way. I am not a woman, so I cant really join you in solidarity if that is what you are looking for.In all honesty, this is a social board, so, you get all variety of messages here, even some perchance about abuse like you may have experienced.
I think you'll find that rather than pressuring people into taking up your cause that you cast your net out once or twice and see if you get any fish. The louder that you shout the less people tend to listen, at least if precedence is any indication.
You might find more assistance on a board that is specifically related to abuse victims. But you're of course welcome to stay and talk about whatever is on your mind, including abuse. Just don't try to pressure people.
thanks
Posted by Kam on January 4, 2003, at 13:03:37
In reply to Re: Are there really no other abused women out there? » Kam, posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 12:02:22
I appreciate your honesty ! However I am not trying to pressure anyone, simply trying to support the many women who may feel stuck in a bad situation as I once did. I know there are many women that are at this moment being physically beaten and they need to know they deserve a better life. And that it is out there for them. As far as another board I am also using another, just thought I'd see if anyone wanted to speak on this one. I do apologize if the caps made it sound like I was shouting. I am a true advocate for abuse and yes my emotions get the best of me at times when I think about it. Never being in that situation I'm pretty sure you could not relate to that. Which I understand, I was however placing it there to see if someone could. I will however stop posting should no one respond. Again I appreciate your honesty and hope you have a great 2003 !!
Posted by Alii on January 4, 2003, at 13:17:44
In reply to Re: Are there really no other abused women out there?, posted by Kam on January 4, 2003, at 13:03:37
>>>...Never being in that situation I'm pretty sure you could not relate to that. Which I understand,...<<<Kam,
I think perhaps you might be neglecting a portion of the population which is that of the battered man. Just because the previous poster said "I am not a woman, so I cant really join you in solidarity if that is what you are looking for." does not mean that the possibility exists that he could have been in an abusive relationship.
I think calling out to women to stand strong is a wonderful thing but to ignore that there are men who suffer just as much if not more than some women do is a shame.
Thank you for putting your shout out there.
A good 2003 to you as well.
~alii
Posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 13:22:56
In reply to Re: Are there really no other abused women out there?, posted by Kam on January 4, 2003, at 13:03:37
> Never being in that situation I'm pretty sure you could not relate to that.
Actually, when growing up, I experience quite a bit of abuse. I was born with what is known medically as a bi-lateral cleft pallete... I wont drown you with medical details, but lets just say I was not one of us, as Peter Gabriel would sing.
I was, growing up, a constant target up till and including highschool, and was in many fights... I remember sitting with a friend and playing with her little brother and then out of nowhere being tackled by someone, someone she knew... You see hatred knew no bounds.
After more surgery then michael jackson I think I'm happy with myself enough, or scared enough of hospitals never to want to go back...
Maybe its a different type of abuse... but when you live it 24/7 for years, it tends to settle in as a part of you.
Posted by Kam on January 4, 2003, at 13:42:22
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » Kam, posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 13:22:56
I totally agree with you it's not just women, and yes there are many different types of abuse. I apologize again for focusing on women, I just found out last week that my very best friend had been abused by her soon to be ex husband and she never said a word to me, til it got too bad to stand. That was my reason for focusing on women, again yes that was wrong. I simply know for me talking about it has been my best therapy but yes for some it may not be. I thank you for your responses and wish you both a HAPPY FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF life !! And yes I said that loudly because I mean it strongly !
Posted by bluedog on January 4, 2003, at 22:06:24
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » Kam, posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 13:22:56
Hi Kid a
I have a close friend who was also born with your medical condition....only thing is the doctors didn't do such a great job with the surgery and the results are still noticeable. I admire him for his courage in making the life he now has for himself but he still bears the mental scars that a childhood with physical scars created for him.
We all have our own "Cross to bear"
I really admire you for putting up a photo of yourself on this site but it seems that was a really good move on your part judging by the number of admirers you now have. I don't think I would have the courage to put up my own photo on the net as I would be terrified that people will then judge me by my looks rather than my words.
To all you others that have had the courage to put up photos of yourselves I take my hat off to you also.
Warm regards
bluedog
Posted by shar on January 4, 2003, at 23:53:10
In reply to Kam.....men get battered too, posted by Alii on January 4, 2003, at 13:17:44
I have a terrible time agreeing with the idea that ..."there are men who suffer just as much *if not more than* some women do" (emphasis mine).
I think I've probably stepped into threads dozens of times by now, with my opinion (my opinion) (that is, my opinion) that no good comes from comparisons of pain levels or suffering levels, and it might even end up causing friction when it occurs.
While I would love to be more flowery and poetic about my opinion, I am a rather down-to-earth person who just "says." My saying is not aimed at anyone in particular, nor is it a command (nor even a request for people to behave a certain way), but just expressing my opinion, and I only do this masochistic exercise because I believe that the further away we can get from potentially endless disagreements or comparisons (see below), the closer we can get to finding common ground (if that is what we want).
Some (tongue-in-cheek) examples that could lead to potentially endless disagreements:
That's red.
Squares experience more existential angst than triangles.
[Drug] is better than [drug].
[Drug] should be used to treat [symptom or condition].
Verbs are better than nouns.
Tricycles are more sensitive than big wheels.
I suffer more than you.
My pain is more exquisite than yours.
My depressive condition is quintessential agony.
He should just cheer up.
She should just pull herself up by her bootstraps.Well, y'all get the idea. Let the attacks begin.
Shar
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 5, 2003, at 0:16:31
In reply to I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 4, 2003, at 23:53:10
shar,
i have tried for along time to get my husband to hit me...
he wont..
i never touched him either.
there is a line that when crossed...
violence is another way express pain regardless of sex.
i would never hurt my kids..
its hard to understand?
jyl
Posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 0:19:57
In reply to I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 4, 2003, at 23:53:10
...shut then why not do so?
~A.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 5, 2003, at 0:39:32
In reply to If you feel like you should keep your fingers ... » shar, posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 0:19:57
>I only do this masochistic exercise because I >believe that the further away we can get from >potentially endless disagreements or >comparisons (see below), the closer we can get >to finding common ground (if that is what we want
I think that is where shar mentioned why she
was compelled to say something.
Posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 0:54:48
In reply to If you feel like you should keep your fingers ... » shar, posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 0:19:57
> ...shut then why not do so?
>
> ~A.8-)
It's the principle of the thing. Gets me every time.
Almost always outweighs what I "should" do for the sake of polite society.
Shar
Posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 1:00:14
In reply to Re: If you feel like you should keep your fingers ... » Alii, posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 0:54:48
> > ...shut then why not do so?
> >
> > ~A.
>
> 8-)
>
> It's the principle of the thing. Gets me every time.
>
> Almost always outweighs what I "should" do for the sake of polite society.
>
> Shar
And I, Shar, speak out for the community of men who suffer with the difficulity of being battered men. I don't say battered men or women have it worse but was only trying to point out that hetero, lesbian, bi, gay, trans no matter the make up of the relationship the possibility of battering is there. And the suffering is real.That was all I was trying to get across. That anyone in an abusive relationship is suffering and hopfully can find the strength through people on this site or pointers to other sites more specific to domestic abuse.
And Shar, by now you must *know* I am NOT polite society!!! So no worries about holding tongues or fingers for my sake. ;)
~Alii
Posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:06
In reply to Re: I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but, » shar, posted by justyourlaugh on January 5, 2003, at 0:16:31
> shar,
> i have tried for along time to get my husband to hit me...
> he wont..
> i never touched him either.
> there is a line that when crossed...
> violence is another way express pain regardless of sex.
> i would never hurt my kids..
> its hard to understand?
> jylJYL:
I don't think I understand your post. I understand the sentences individually, but when I read the whole thing, I think I'm missing the point. Probably my concrete, non-poetic nature causes that.Shar
Posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:21
In reply to I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 4, 2003, at 23:53:10
Shar I think the idea of these diatribes it that it is possible for men to suffer abuse. I was in a abusive relationship where I recal my ex kicking me repeatedly over my depression and my inability to fight back, what was I going to do, punch her?No one is positing that one sex suffers more than another, though statistics may prove this otherwise. I don't think that was the intention. No one is claiming the right to more grief than another... There is much less discord than you interpret.
Perhaps rather than constantly trying to constantly smoothe out the differences in opinion between posters you should see them perhaps as pieces of a greater puzzle, a dialouge if you will that leads both writers to a better understanding of one another.
Nobody needs a hero here.
Posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 1:08:39
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » kid a, posted by bluedog on January 4, 2003, at 22:06:24
> I really admire you for putting up a photo of yourself on this site but it seems that was a really good move on your part judging by the number of admirers you now have. I don't think I would have the courage to put up my own photo on the net as I would be terrified that people will then judge me by my looks rather than my words.
thanks for your response, bluedog, it is a warmth to my heart. yes i have known others like me in moments of my youth... we all tended to avoid each other... none of us wanted to emphasise our shortcomings by ganging up together...
i think i am very lucky to have a very brilliant doctor who performed my last surgery. i could perhaps get another, one final cut... but he told me something quite sage... there is only so much you can do... and the combination now of dread of hospitals and happiness with my current self keeps me out from under the knife...
its only with the cam that i can even talk about my past... that i can show people that i am not, a hideous deformed monster... i had not spoken of it until now.
be well.
Posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 1:09:14
In reply to Re: I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:06
> > shar,
> > i have tried for along time to get my husband to hit me...
> > he wont..
> > i never touched him either.
> > there is a line that when crossed...
> > violence is another way express pain regardless of sex.
> > i would never hurt my kids..
> > its hard to understand?
> > jyl
~~~~~~~~~~~
> JYL:
> I don't think I understand your post. I understand the sentences individually, but when I read the whole thing, I think I'm missing the point. Probably my concrete, non-poetic nature causes that.
>
> Shar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Justyourlaugh,
I am a bit mystified by what you wrote in this thread and am slightly worried that you or your husband are 'trying' to provoke violence from one another?
Please please correct me if I'm wrong.
I'm just concerned is all.
~alii
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 1:24:18
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » Kam, posted by kid a on January 4, 2003, at 13:22:56
kid a,
My cousin was born with a cleft pallet, after having three girls he finally had his son who had a Cleft pattet as well. Last I heard from my mother he was in the hospital with a 105 degree temperature. He is also the brother of a mongoloid sister, who I totally adored and carried on my hip for years. I remember the verbal abuse from his peers. And they stood up for her 100%. It's not the outer appearance that matters, it's whats inside that counts. Beauty is only skin deep ! And BTW to some : Hatred does know it's bounds"
Posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 1:31:29
In reply to Re: I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but, » shar, posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:21
>
> Shar I think the idea of these diatribes it that it is possible for men to suffer abuse.Kid A, my post was not in disagreement with that idea. I am sorry if that's the way you took it. Rather, I was addressing, in more general terms, the idea of comparisons, their helpfulness (or lack thereof), and where they may lead.
> No one is positing that one sex suffers more than another, though statistics may prove this otherwise.
Kid A, well, that point was suggested, and it was the comparison that got my attention, and concerned me.
> Perhaps rather than constantly trying to constantly smoothe out the differences in opinion between posters you should see them perhaps as pieces of a greater puzzle, a dialouge if you will that leads both writers to a better understanding of one another.I believe that some forms of discourse lead to a better understanding, and some don't, which is what my post was about.
>
> Nobody needs a hero here.I didn't realize it appeared I was trying to be a hero. God forbid. However, I will say that there are people here who are heroes to me, and I've needed them before and probably will again.
Shar
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 1:38:48
In reply to Re: I know I should just keep my fingers shut.....but,, posted by shar on January 5, 2003, at 1:03:06
I definitely don't understanded it ! You say it's hard to understand, that is an understatement after being a breath between life and death. Please explain.
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 1:58:38
In reply to Re: abuse debaser » bluedog, posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 1:08:39
To Bluedog,
I'm sorry I missed your photo !! If you read my other threads, I am a cousin of a mongoloid cousin, I used to ask my mom, can I have a sister just like her??? Beauty is only skin deep. She was and Still is awesome, the doctors told my aunt she would not live past 16, well I am forty and she is 35, and she still to this day plays a verify important roll in my life!! And now her nephew, who has Cleft Palette! Just like her dad did, pray for us please, he is in the hospital now with a 105 degree temperature!!!
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 10:59:16
In reply to Re: abuse debaser, posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 1:58:38
Sorry Bluedog, I meant kid a. These SSRI's have affected my concentration and short term memory terribly. I am trying to work on how to improve the concentration thing on a full time basis. Any ideas out there would be appreciated.!
Thanks
Posted by bluedog on January 5, 2003, at 11:30:26
In reply to Re: abuse debaser, posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 10:59:16
Posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 17:33:04
In reply to Re: abuse debaser, posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 10:59:16
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 18:17:32
In reply to Re: abuse debaser - a picture of myself... now..., posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 17:33:04
>
> http://home.cfl.rr.com/discostud/hello.htmOne of my favorites!!!!! I love the Police !!!
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