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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 13:09:31
Arrgghh. I hate this.
Last night, I woke up after a very realistic dream, during which I was meeting with a co-worker about what I learned about the impending "restructuring". In the dream, I go so worked up with rage! When I woke up, I was very upset, I cried and couldn't go back to sleep.
I stayed up a few hours and finally went back to sleep, only to be unable to get up at the alarm. Again, half asleep, I decided to call in sick, only I fell back asleep again, and dreamed I had called in. Finally I was able to wake up and actually call in (I was so convinced in my dream I already had!).
I am depressed. Plain and simple. But, although I couldn't get myself to work, I did realize just a while ago (after sleeping all morning) that I miss being there. At other times, when I have been unable to get up for work, I've called in sick for part of the day, and come in late. But that involves being able to face people after coming in late, which I wasn't up to today.
I am sick. It's my brain. But I can't tell them that. I wish I could, and that it would be ok--to need a day off because of this particular illness. Without it being anyone's business. Know what I mean?
I have a therapy appointment in one hour, which, obviously, I need badly. But I also wonder if I should set up an extra appointment with my pdoc, to see if there is anything to do to help me through this episode.
I've been thinking of the fish oil supplements. Maybe now would be a good time to try it. My pdoc is into supplements. He has me on folic acid and chromium picolinate, to supplement my meds.
I feel very immobile and inert and paralized.
I guess the reason I felt I couldn't go in to work today is that I am afraid of my own strong feelings about the employment thing, and that they would get in the way, or that I would become consumed by them.
I know there are things I can do to help myself, but my being so upset makes it hard for me to do them. I need to do up my resume, start scoping out other prospects, and perhaps do the politicking needed to possibly hold on to my current job. But I'm too upset to do all that.
Posted by Dinah on January 2, 2003, at 13:58:27
In reply to Depressed, posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 13:09:31
I've had dreams like that. In fact most of my dreams are so mundane that I mistake them for real life.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, Noa. Anxiety and worry and depression seem like perfectly normal and reasonable reactions to it. Do you have the time to center yourself and quit reeling from this before you start your job hunt? You might lose some time, but ultimately improve your chances if you are in a better place from which to search.
Hope the therapy appointment helps.
Dinah
Posted by mikhail99 on January 2, 2003, at 14:16:20
In reply to Depressed, posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 13:09:31
> Arrgghh. I hate this.
>
> Last night, I woke up after a very realistic dream, during which I was meeting with a co-worker about what I learned about the impending "restructuring". In the dream, I go so worked up with rage! When I woke up, I was very upset, I cried and couldn't go back to sleep.It's such a pain when our dreams wreck our day like that!
>
> I stayed up a few hours and finally went back to sleep, only to be unable to get up at the alarm. Again, half asleep, I decided to call in sick, only I fell back asleep again, and dreamed I had called in. Finally I was able to wake up and actually call in (I was so convinced in my dream I already had!).
>
> I am depressed. Plain and simple. But, although I couldn't get myself to work, I did realize just a while ago (after sleeping all morning) that I miss being there. At other times, when I have been unable to get up for work, I've called in sick for part of the day, and come in late. But that involves being able to face people after coming in late, which I wasn't up to today.I think calling in was a perfectly fine response to feeling so badly. So you don't have the flu, depression is much worse. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to take a day to try and get your equilibrium back and take care of yourself.
>
> I am sick. It's my brain. But I can't tell them that. I wish I could, and that it would be ok--to need a day off because of this particular illness. Without it being anyone's business. Know what I mean?I know, I'm not comfortable talking to people about my depression or my medication, someone always manages to say something really stupid and ignorant. Which I guess is normal, not everyone in the world is knowledgeable about such things. But what I don't get is how people don't seem to recognize (in this day and age) that depression is a disease, like diabetes.
>
> I have a therapy appointment in one hour, which, obviously, I need badly. But I also wonder if I should set up an extra appointment with my pdoc, to see if there is anything to do to help me through this episode.Let us know how the appointment goes, I hope it helps!! And I think it's a good idea to set up that extra appointment, it might just help to know you have it and there's help available.
>
> I've been thinking of the fish oil supplements. Maybe now would be a good time to try it. My pdoc is into supplements. He has me on folic acid and chromium picolinate, to supplement my meds.
>
> I feel very immobile and inert and paralized.
>
> I guess the reason I felt I couldn't go in to work today is that I am afraid of my own strong feelings about the employment thing, and that they would get in the way, or that I would become consumed by them.
>
> I know there are things I can do to help myself, but my being so upset makes it hard for me to do them. I need to do up my resume, start scoping out other prospects, and perhaps do the politicking needed to possibly hold on to my current job. But I'm too upset to do all that.
>
>Noa, try to take it one day at a time. You need to feel a bit better before you start taking on so much. You'll get there and you'll be fine.
Take care!
Mik
Posted by Tabitha on January 2, 2003, at 16:23:44
In reply to Depressed, posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 13:09:31
Everyone needs to take a "mental health day" now and then to cope with job stress. (A former boss used to tell me that, and as far as I know she had no real mental health problems.) When I call in sick I just say I'm not feeling well today and never offer any explanation. People never ask for details. When I'm stressed to the limit it always seems better to take a day for recovery rather than going in and adding to the cycle with another stressful day when I'm not at my best. The only problem is I tend to berate myself for needing the time off. Silly isn't it?
As for trying to cope with resume and job hunt stuff, I'm in exactly the same place. Again, it's best to let yourself recover a bit before trying to tackle it. I have the hardest time taking that advice, but again and again I see that I make better decisions when I'm more balanced, and it's pointless to try to make big changes when depressed.
Just get your meds in order, and maybe get a little exercise, or wait it out, or do whatever it takes to recover before trying to tackle a jobhunt.
Posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 18:18:58
In reply to Re: Depressed, posted by Tabitha on January 2, 2003, at 16:23:44
Thanks, y'all. My therapy appointment was helpful. I cried the whole way through it. My therapist kept emphasizing how the conclusions about my fears of what is going to happen are so colored by this depression, and that the depressive episode will pass. I think he is right but when I'm in this, I can't see things any other way. For the moment, he wants me to focus on now, rather than on what might happen in 6 months. And, he rightly pointed out that going back to work and being busy will help my mood. So hopefully, I'll make it in ok tomorrow.
Tabitha, the thing is that I find that at least one person usually does ask what was wrong when people come back from being out sick. Which I think is highly intrusive, even though I know they ask out of concern. What they don't think about is all the very personal reasons that people may not want to talk about. For that reason, I try not to ask about why someone was out sick. Rather, just say "Glad you're back, hope you're feeling better" or just "are you feeling better?". But I don't like to ask why. It could be a mental health thing, or it could be a venereal disease! So, those people who innocently ask, are being much more intrusive than they think.
I am feeling a bit better now. Maybe it was the therapy, maybe I have a diurnal variation going on (I have noticed this before)--worse in morning and daytime, start to get a little better at night. But that doesn't explain the panicky dream......
Maybe it is the support from you guys that is making me feel a bit better :)
Thanks.
Posted by judy1 on January 2, 2003, at 18:32:33
In reply to Re: Depressed, posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 18:18:58
I'm glad your session helped so much- it does take that 'voice of reason' to help us see through the muck of depression. I seem to remember that you have SAD? along with the am/pm variation in mood. Can you focus on that? Know that once the sun is up and shining you'll feel better around people (and you're right about the questions- I would say I had a suspicious rash and that seemed to shut them up). hope you feel better-judy
Posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 18:41:55
In reply to Re: Depressed » Noa, posted by judy1 on January 2, 2003, at 18:32:33
You have a good memory, Judy. About the SAD. And one problem is that this year, I haven't gotten a consistent or sufficient dose of light treatment. And although we are starting the light upswing now in the northern hemisphere, we are still in the lowest point.
It's wierd, though because my mood is better in the evenings.
Posted by bluedog on January 2, 2003, at 19:49:42
In reply to Depressed, posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 13:09:31
Hi Noa
I'm bluedog... I haven't babbled with you before so I'm glad to be talking to you!!
I just wanted to let you know that the more depressed I get the less I am able to distingiush between real life and dreams. I am a very vivid dreamer and often wake up from my dreams crying. I think it's a perfectly normal part of the depression.
By the way I called in sick today from work. I've only been back at work for three weeks and already I've had the flu last week (one GP seemed to think my symptoms were psychosomatic but I know better so I gave him the sack...he had the nerve to tell me I might be allergic to work!!) Because it was christmas time all my regular doctors were on holidays
Today I am just miserably depressed and I think it would be counterproductive to go into work in my current state. I think just taking the day off is better for my credibility and my health than going into work late and then being unable to actually do anything but stare at the computer screen.
YES I know that inability to wake up with the alarm VERY WELL indeed and often my alarm will intergrate itself into my dreams so that the alarm can sound for an hour or so and I might simply dream that I'm hearing bells or whatever!!!
Anyway I'm sick of making excuses when I come in late so now I just call in sick when I'm going to be late when I'm really depressed and put up with my feelings of extreme guilt instead!!!
You sound completely normal to me.
Warm regards
bluedog
Posted by moodsalot on January 2, 2003, at 20:02:53
In reply to Re: Depressed and dreaming!! » Noa, posted by bluedog on January 2, 2003, at 19:49:42
Hi bluedog. I'm new to this forum..glad to be talking to you. Everything you wrote I can identify with so well! I've gone through the same thing so many times when i'm in a deep depression (as far as your dreams). Even when i'm not in a deep depression and having vivid dreams i still have problems getting awake. See my post of today under Social Babble. I've resigned my job because i'm going to try and make my life fit around my shortingcomings.
For this first time I told HR in my present job the difficulties I have with depression and they've been real patient with me. They understand I'm not just "taking the day off" or willfully coming in late. I should've been more honest in past jobs but just ended up being fired. Even though i've been upfront about my present job i feel that hasn't solved the problem. Hence the resigning. (Read about it in SB and tell me your opinion!) I wish I had answers for you. Maybe you can vaguely refer to a medical problem so you don't get fired if you don't feel you can be honest. Sigh. I feel for you. Just don't be hard on yourself and know that when you go in sick or take a day off its something you gotta do! Judy
Posted by Noa on January 3, 2003, at 2:41:35
In reply to Re: Depressed and dreaming!!, posted by moodsalot on January 2, 2003, at 20:02:53
Interesting about integrating the alarm into the dreams. I have done that too. I dream that the alarm is ringing (or if the alarm is set to the radio--that it is playing) and I am trying to turn it off but nothing will turn it off. In the dream I usually push every button, even unplug it, and it still goes on playing or ringing! Then it escalates to taking a hammer to the clock, and even that doesn't work!
Hope your day is better tomorrow.
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