Posted by Noa on January 2, 2003, at 13:09:31
Arrgghh. I hate this.
Last night, I woke up after a very realistic dream, during which I was meeting with a co-worker about what I learned about the impending "restructuring". In the dream, I go so worked up with rage! When I woke up, I was very upset, I cried and couldn't go back to sleep.
I stayed up a few hours and finally went back to sleep, only to be unable to get up at the alarm. Again, half asleep, I decided to call in sick, only I fell back asleep again, and dreamed I had called in. Finally I was able to wake up and actually call in (I was so convinced in my dream I already had!).
I am depressed. Plain and simple. But, although I couldn't get myself to work, I did realize just a while ago (after sleeping all morning) that I miss being there. At other times, when I have been unable to get up for work, I've called in sick for part of the day, and come in late. But that involves being able to face people after coming in late, which I wasn't up to today.
I am sick. It's my brain. But I can't tell them that. I wish I could, and that it would be ok--to need a day off because of this particular illness. Without it being anyone's business. Know what I mean?
I have a therapy appointment in one hour, which, obviously, I need badly. But I also wonder if I should set up an extra appointment with my pdoc, to see if there is anything to do to help me through this episode.
I've been thinking of the fish oil supplements. Maybe now would be a good time to try it. My pdoc is into supplements. He has me on folic acid and chromium picolinate, to supplement my meds.
I feel very immobile and inert and paralized.
I guess the reason I felt I couldn't go in to work today is that I am afraid of my own strong feelings about the employment thing, and that they would get in the way, or that I would become consumed by them.
I know there are things I can do to help myself, but my being so upset makes it hard for me to do them. I need to do up my resume, start scoping out other prospects, and perhaps do the politicking needed to possibly hold on to my current job. But I'm too upset to do all that.
poster:Noa
thread:34382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021226/msgs/34382.html