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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bookgurl99 on December 28, 2002, at 0:22:05
I was just watching the tv special on inmates who live in Supermax prisons. They are only allowed to leave their room for 1/2 an hour a day for a little exercise and a shower. And I realized I've been limiting myself in such a way, I may as well be in the supermax myself.
Partly due to my need for decent healthcare, I've stayed in a job that is far below my mental capacity and potential. What's more, it doesn't even make me happy.
I also realize that I've sort of worn a groove from work to home to bed. I haven't made enough of an effort to get out, to participate, to create in the world.
I feel so frusrated that I've been living like this. I know most of it is due to self-limiting thoughts. And some of it could be ssri-induced apathy (going to see my doc next week about changing meds). But I'm so annoyed. How could I have wasted my life for so long?
Does anyone else ever have a wake-up call like this?
Posted by Tabitha on December 28, 2002, at 2:42:39
In reply to More about work/picking good work, posted by bookgurl99 on December 28, 2002, at 0:22:05
Sounds like a good wake-up call. The only similar thing I can recall is when the Unabomber case hit, I thought if I let myself stay too depressed and socially isolated, that could be my future (well not the bombing part, but maybe the living alone in a tiny and remote hovel writing a manifesto that would sound crazy to everyone but me. actually a lot of my old journals sound crazy even to me!)
Don't be too hard on yourself though. If you don't like your job, it's no wonder your energy is drained, leaving little left over at the end of the day. And the medical insurance problem is a real issue for those of us with chronic illness under the U.S. healthcare system. How about giving yourself credit for staying in the job up til now, since it did meet some financial needs? Now it's time to look for more satisfaction.
Keep us posted.
Posted by BeardedLady on December 28, 2002, at 7:36:33
In reply to More about work/picking good work, posted by bookgurl99 on December 28, 2002, at 0:22:05
Bookie:
Most people get wake-up calls like this every day of their lives, but they don't wake up. They're lazy or opposed to change or afraid or simply so complacent they don't know it. When I was in jobs like that, I started to do stuff to get me fired. That way I didn't have to feel like a "quitter."
It was very hard to get me fired. I was a secretary and said Fuck You to the boss in front of the whole office. Everyone was freaked (and happy), but they new I'd be fired. I was, but they all argued for my job back, saying I was under stress. Ich. I didn't want it, but I took it because I was too scared to have to look for a job while getting my master's.
If you can't find a way to make it enjoyable to you, make the change now. It's the best time--New Year's. Start fresh. But decide what you really want to do. If I were you, I'd look for management at Barnes & Noble. I think being around books all day would get me high.
What are you interested in doing?
beardy
Posted by Gracie2 on December 28, 2002, at 16:37:52
In reply to Re: More about work/picking good work » bookgurl99, posted by BeardedLady on December 28, 2002, at 7:36:33
Hi Bookgurl,
I'm a book-lover myself. When I quit my x-ray job because I could no longer function well at it (plus, after 20 years I was just so burned out on it), I started selling used books on amazon.com. At first I did it just to make a little extra money and to clear away the piles of books sitting around the house. Now I do it because I really started to enjoy it. I make about $100 a week, I can pay my Amoco bill and buy groceries with it, so I don't feel like I'm totally sponging off my husband.
A good book for you to read would be "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was" by Barbara Sher. This could help point you in the right direction.
-Gracie
Posted by BeardedLady on December 28, 2002, at 17:08:02
In reply to Re: More about work/picking good work, posted by Gracie2 on December 28, 2002, at 16:37:52
Posted by Tabitha on December 29, 2002, at 5:14:31
In reply to Re: More about work/picking good work, posted by Gracie2 on December 28, 2002, at 16:37:52
Another good one by the same author is "it's only too late if you don't start now". It's actually geared toward mid-life transitions, but much of it is just about finding work you truly love. It's just become my favorite self-help book since it has a chapter on how to avoid romantic love, and another on why it's good to fail in your career. Plus it has her response to the notion that you create your own reality & have unlimited potential, etc: Reality is bigger than you are. That one made me laugh out loud.
Posted by noa on December 31, 2002, at 9:45:56
In reply to More about work/picking good work, posted by bookgurl99 on December 28, 2002, at 0:22:05
I'm kind of in this phase, too. Not so much with the job, but with the "groove" thing, or shall we call it the "rut" thing.
It seems to be a stage when you are stabilized in treatment enough that the just surviving the hassle of getting up and going to work and doing your job and taking care of the basics at home all starts to be not enough. The fact that you are bored and feeling the need for a change is a sign of improvement (so says my own therapist to me).
But it is a hard stage, nonetheless. It is not like you suddenly realize you want more and you also have this wonderful energy to go with it and you can cast off the shackles and go out and live. It is much harder than that. For me, anyway. I am bored with the survival routine and need more, but the initiative isn't there yet.
I, too, wonder about the apathy, could it be in part caused by my medications. But I am not in a place to change medications right now.
I also have been exploring the psychological aspects of the apathy and intertia--you alluded to the self-limiting thoughts, etc. Me too. Also, being more in touch with the self-hating thoughts that lurk beneath and get in the way of enjoyment.
But I'll continue to work on all of this, hopefully it will get better.
Would it help if we started a support "group", ie, we talk about some small goals to get us going and then report back on how it feels when we try them?
Posted by Gracie2 on December 31, 2002, at 17:05:59
In reply to Re: More about work/picking good work » bookgurl99, posted by noa on December 31, 2002, at 9:45:56
Posted by bookgurl99 on January 1, 2003, at 0:48:15
In reply to Re: More about work/picking good work » bookgurl99, posted by noa on December 31, 2002, at 9:45:56
> The fact that you are bored and feeling the need for a change is a sign of improvement (so says my own therapist to me).
Thanks for pointing this out. It helps me to see things as a positive. It's true that 6 or 7 months ago just doing my simple job was a big accomplishment. It's definitely a sign of healing to want more. -- And to have arranged my schedule so I can start searching for more.
>
> But it is a hard stage, nonetheless. It is not like you suddenly realize you want more and you also have this wonderful energy to go with it and you can cast off the shackles and go out and live.I agree. Especially with a thyroid disorder, or just on antidepressants, I feel so physically exhausted sometimes. And, thanks to my mental illness (ocd,anxiety), I've already had failures in the past that make me scared to try again.
I now find that I'm trying to move forward even in the midst of fear and exhaustion. Right now, I'm trying to apply for a position as a youth group coordinator for GLBT teens. The position actually looks quite easy, but I'm intimidated because I'm so used to doing work that is very simple for me. Application is due Friday, and I'm determined not to follow the old habits -- procrastination, 'forgetting,' etc., that would normally hinder me.Seen any good jobs for you lately?
p.s. (Beardy, wanna check out my resume? I'm at bookgurl99@yahoo.com if u wanna send me an email.)
Posted by Noa on January 1, 2003, at 15:31:10
In reply to Re: More about work/picking good work, posted by bookgurl99 on January 1, 2003, at 0:48:15
Hey, that sounds like a great job.
I understand the exhaustion. Until my hypothyroid was under control I was a mess--not only was I not responding well to my depression meds, but I was also incredibly fatigued and mentally foggy. Physically, every little exertion exhausted me! I would walk to the car in the parking lot and have to rest before driving home. I remember that opening the front door at work took every ounce of strength out of me (now it is a cinch, tho I am still aware that the door is rather heavy).
Even if you decide against going for the job, would it be helpful to talk to them about it just for your own edification?
Good luck.
Posted by BeardedLady on January 3, 2003, at 11:45:40
In reply to Re: More about work/picking good work, posted by bookgurl99 on January 1, 2003, at 0:48:15
Posted by bookgurl99 on January 3, 2003, at 23:00:04
In reply to Did you get my e-mail? (nm) » bookgurl99, posted by BeardedLady on January 3, 2003, at 11:45:40
actually, i just lost your email. i just had time today to send the resume, but i had accidentally deleted your message (when i did an inbox purging last night). Could you pls re send?
bookgurl99
Posted by bookgurl99 on January 4, 2003, at 1:08:31
In reply to Did you get my e-mail? (nm) » bookgurl99, posted by BeardedLady on January 3, 2003, at 11:45:40
This is the end of the thread.
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