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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 11:35:49
I sent a letter to my therapist telling him I'm infatuated with him. I don't regret sending it (I just mailed it today) but I'm really freaking out about the thought of seeing him next Monday. I think the letter was a good one but it's going to SO PAINFULLY AWKWARD when I see him. I did the right thing, didn't I? I knew if I didn't send it, I would have been unable to bring it up.
Oy vey!
Posted by syringachalet on December 31, 2002, at 12:48:51
In reply to Therapist Infatuation - Revisited, posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 11:35:49
dear mikhail99,
I am honored that you shared this personal struggle with us here.
I have been on both sides of this situation and having a patient tell me that he has deep feelings for me was a rather enlightening position to be in. I felt honored (and a bit flattered) that he felt comfortable enough and trusted me enough to share such vulnerable feelings.
I also felt that I had to maintain my professional boundaries for the sake of my patients health and my professional ethcincs and career.
We talked about his letter to me on his
next visit. He said he felt really embarassed; he said he almost canceled his appt. I told him I was glad he didnt. That i was honored that he felt he could trust such tender feelings with someone who cared about him also as a human being but out of respect for him and professional etchnics I could not have a personal relationship with any of my pateints.
I also shared with him that I saw him a a strong young man who had come to me for me for help. That any health care professional that would cross the line and have an imitime realtionship with a patient would be breaking one of the greatest codes of etchnis I knew and that I respected him and our realtionship too much for that.In reflection now, I think he handled it really well. it was our trsuted relationship that has enabled him to test out new ideas for his real life realtionships..'bounce ideas and stuff' off me to see if 'it might fly'.. as he put it.
He still calls me his "favorite realtiy check".
I have always tried to use honesty with kindness when dealing with very sensitive subject as this.I have had only one relationship,personally, that caused me grief.
I had a female counselor once put her hand on my thigh and try to kiss me. At the time, I was having a very rough time in my personal life and had even taken two weeks off from my work to get refocused and back on track.
I too have boundary issues in my personal life.
But I am still working on those and am glad that they dont cross over into my professional life.I bet your therapist, mikhail99, will want to talk with you about this and please dont see he letting you down easy as a rejection. He must be a very nice person for you to care so deeply for him and if he has your best interest in mind he will know that these feelings were hard for you to share...being so vulnerable.. and he will respect the patient-therapist relationship and not be unkind..just honest with caring.....
syringachalet
Posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 13:09:44
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited, posted by syringachalet on December 31, 2002, at 12:48:51
> dear mikhail99,
>
> I am honored that you shared this personal struggle with us here.
> I have been on both sides of this situation and having a patient tell me that he has deep feelings for me was a rather enlightening position to be in. I felt honored (and a bit flattered) that he felt comfortable enough and trusted me enough to share such vulnerable feelings.
> I also felt that I had to maintain my professional boundaries for the sake of my patients health and my professional ethcincs and career.
> We talked about his letter to me on his
> next visit. He said he felt really embarassed; he said he almost canceled his appt. I told him I was glad he didnt. That i was honored that he felt he could trust such tender feelings with someone who cared about him also as a human being but out of respect for him and professional etchnics I could not have a personal relationship with any of my pateints.
> I also shared with him that I saw him a a strong young man who had come to me for me for help. That any health care professional that would cross the line and have an imitime realtionship with a patient would be breaking one of the greatest codes of etchnis I knew and that I respected him and our realtionship too much for that.
>
> In reflection now, I think he handled it really well. it was our trsuted relationship that has enabled him to test out new ideas for his real life realtionships..'bounce ideas and stuff' off me to see if 'it might fly'.. as he put it.
> He still calls me his "favorite realtiy check".
> I have always tried to use honesty with kindness when dealing with very sensitive subject as this.
>
> I have had only one relationship,personally, that caused me grief.
> I had a female counselor once put her hand on my thigh and try to kiss me. At the time, I was having a very rough time in my personal life and had even taken two weeks off from my work to get refocused and back on track.
> I too have boundary issues in my personal life.
> But I am still working on those and am glad that they dont cross over into my professional life.
>
> I bet your therapist, mikhail99, will want to talk with you about this and please dont see he letting you down easy as a rejection. He must be a very nice person for you to care so deeply for him and if he has your best interest in mind he will know that these feelings were hard for you to share...being so vulnerable.. and he will respect the patient-therapist relationship and not be unkind..just honest with caring.....
>
> syringachaletThank you for your perspective, it's interesting to hear from someone who's been on both sides of the issue. I fully anticipate that he will gently go over boundaries with me and we'll have some good discussions from it. I have these thoughts and feelings but I honestly don't expect anything from him other than our relationship to continue as it's been. It's just so embarrassing, it makes me feel like an adolescent and I'm almost 40!
I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience with your own therapist. I hope you were able to find someone else to help you. I don't think YOU were the one with boundary issues!
Thanks again for your kind post!
Mik
Posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 16:04:27
In reply to Therapist Infatuation - Revisited, posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 11:35:49
You are my hero!!! Not only do you realize that your feelings are an issue with your therapist, you are strong enough to put "them ou there" for open discussion. I totally agree with the other answers that your therapist probably won't respond in a romantic way (as he shouldn't) but you have now been as honest as a person can be with him. I bet this will be a big turning point in your recovery. Both you and he can now feel comfortable to get down to the nitty gritty and work on whatever issues are most pressing without all the "foreplay" involved. (Pardon the pun.)
You did the right thing. I am sure your appointment will be uncomfortable on Monday, but I believe it will lead to a great new bond and tryst between you and your therapist. Congratulate yourself.
I am sure I am not the only one on this site that is proud of you.
-Miller
Posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 16:25:53
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited » mikhail99, posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 16:04:27
> You are my hero!!! Not only do you realize that your feelings are an issue with your therapist, you are strong enough to put "them ou there" for open discussion. I totally agree with the other answers that your therapist probably won't respond in a romantic way (as he shouldn't) but you have now been as honest as a person can be with him. I bet this will be a big turning point in your recovery. Both you and he can now feel comfortable to get down to the nitty gritty and work on whatever issues are most pressing without all the "foreplay" involved. (Pardon the pun.)
>
> You did the right thing. I am sure your appointment will be uncomfortable on Monday, but I believe it will lead to a great new bond and tryst between you and your therapist. Congratulate yourself.
>
> I am sure I am not the only one on this site that is proud of you.
>
> -Miller
>
>
>Thanks Miller, you really made me feel better about the whole thing. And you crack me up, "foreplay"! :-D Now I just have to hope that I timed mailing the letter so that he gets it before Monday! EEK!!
Thanks again! Happy New Year!
Mik
Posted by Dinah on December 31, 2002, at 16:41:21
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited, posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 16:25:53
Now that would be rotten. Getting up the courage to send the letter and then it not getting there in time! So don't feel offended if he doesn't mention it. :)
I'm sure he'll handle it professionally and with compassion. And I'm sure you'll feel better for having told him.
It was rough for me to tell my therapist that I saw him as a mother dog to my blind newborn pup. He still gets the funniest look on his face when I speak of his maternal attributes. (Such a funny look that it's hard not to tease him with the notion. I keep thinking of telling him that I see him as a giant breast on which to suckle, but I'm not sure he could take that with composure.) But now that it's out of the way, it doesn't make me feel ashamed like it used to. He was really nice about it.
And at one time we did discuss the possibility that I was attracted to him. (He had just announced his engagement and I was upset and we were trying to figure out why. I guess it was just because I was worried that his arrangements would change.) Although we ended up rejecting the possibility, he discussed it quite calmly.
Let us know how it goes Monday?
Dinah
Posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 18:14:34
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on December 31, 2002, at 16:41:21
Thanks Dinah, I will certainly post about my session on Monday! Wish me luck! And thanks for sharing your story.
Happy New Year!
Mik
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2003, at 9:06:32
In reply to Re: Therapist Infatuation - Revisited » Dinah, posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 18:14:34
This is the end of the thread.
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