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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KB on March 18, 2002, at 18:39:45
This is ridiculous, but I need my Celexa refilled (I have less than a week left) and I can't bring myself to call my Pdoc. It's not that I don't like him - he's warm, funny, intelligent, sensitive - but I just get scared of calls like this esp. when it involves asking for something for myself. I make calls to doctors and everybody else on behalf on clients all day but it's like I'm somebody else at work and when I get home she just vanishes and leaves this scaredy-cat behind.
Posted by Willow on March 18, 2002, at 19:00:47
In reply to reluctant to call PDOC, posted by KB on March 18, 2002, at 18:39:45
KB
Give me the number I'll call them in for you. Seriously though you can ask your pharmacy to call the doc. If the doc wants to see you he'll call you.
Sound good?
Whispering Willow
Posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 19:16:12
In reply to reluctant to call PDOC, posted by KB on March 18, 2002, at 18:39:45
What is it with us? I react so much the same way. I can do stuff for others, be an advocate for them, whatever. But when I have to do it for myself, I put it off, I don't want to do it & have never, ever figured it out. I'm terribly uncomfortable & agonise over doing something I can do in a flash for someone else. Does anyone have an explanation for this?? I'm baffled over my (& KB's) reluctance.
As Willow said, phoning your pharmacist should be okay. If you're uncomfortable with phoning him too, is there no one who will do it for you? Or do you have trouble over asking others as I do?
Posted by sid on March 18, 2002, at 19:24:30
In reply to Re: reluctant to call PDOC » KB, posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 19:16:12
IsoM, Could it be some level of co-dependence? Co-dependents live for others before themselves, take care of others, etc... And they tend to neglect themselves. They become lazy or careless when it's about them, but they'd give their lives for someone else.
I'm a co-dependent myself , so I recognize the pattern. I've learned to force myself to do things that are good for me as if it's a task in my job. It's a chore like any other; I write it down on my to-do list. I don't always do it as I should, but I certainly try.
In Zo's case, it sounds more like nervousness related with meeting her pdoc.
- sid
Posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 20:03:48
In reply to Re: reluctant to call PDOC » IsoM, posted by sid on March 18, 2002, at 19:24:30
Thank you very much, sid. That's a bit of an eye-opener, to say the least. Long time ago, I wondered if I was like that & then totally forgot about it.
I could do a bit of checking & come up with lots of sites & read through gobs of them before I found some that were good. Do you have anything handy (on-line for now, not a book) that I could read over? If I suit that profile, maybe I could use it to get my life more in order. I hate that part of me. Might explain why I'm always running about wanting to help others. I could still use help trying to understand myself.
Posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 20:09:14
In reply to Re: reluctant to call PDOC » sid, posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 20:03:48
Posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 20:27:01
In reply to Preferrably not a flowery web-site please, sid (nm), posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 20:09:14
Sid, sorry to bother you if you were checking out sites for me. I have some of the traits but I remember why I gave up the idea before. I have only a few traits, most don't fit me at all. And I am being very honest with myself.
I do have pretty good self-esteem - it's just I can still see some major areas that I need to work on. I don't feel responsible for others happiness. In fact, I've told my sons, they, themselves, are the only ones who can or can't make them happy. I enjoy being alone & strangely can have lots of fun alone but do sometimes wish I had someone with me to share the fun, but I don't feel bad about others. Now I'm just confused.
Posted by trouble on March 18, 2002, at 21:49:01
In reply to reluctant to call PDOC, posted by KB on March 18, 2002, at 18:39:45
When *I* can't do something I just pretend *I'M* someone else.
Try it, works every time!
trouble
Posted by sid on March 18, 2002, at 22:47:09
In reply to Found a Couple of Good (?) Sites, sid, posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 20:27:01
Ah, confusion...
Well, I don't fit the profile anymore because I worked on it... But I do have tendencies. The descriptions of co-dependents fit me somewhat but not completely. I take whatever info that I find useful (CBT type of adjustments), and leave the rest.
Unfortunately, I don't know of web sites about co-dependence. I know an author however: Beattie (a woman). There are a number of authors actually... you can look for info on "adult children" or "adult children of alcoholics" -that fits not only children of alcoholics actually, but those who are usually fit the co-dependency pattern. Many people were forced to take on the role of an adult early in life, and they have co-dependent tendencies later in life. E.g.: my father was emotionally unavailable, a non-violent alcoholic and my mother was illiterate. I obviously had to be responsible for grown-up stuff early in life, just for survival.
Ah, but some co-dependents go the opposite way: they are irresponsible and are a burden to those around them; they follow their parents' example. Co-dependence is a reaction to one's environment as a child, when that environment was not safe or when parents were weak.
I realize I still tend to do things for others faster and better than when it's for me. So I still have tendencies...
- sid
Posted by sid on March 18, 2002, at 22:49:03
In reply to hope this helps, posted by trouble on March 18, 2002, at 21:49:01
Yes, I've learned to do that too.
My parents did not parent me much, so I learned to parent myself (how sad). At times, I pretend I'm my own child and figure out what I need to do to take care of myself, as if I were my own child. It does work at times. It certainly made me put myself first, which I used never to do.- sid
Posted by sid on March 18, 2002, at 23:19:46
In reply to Found a Couple of Good (?) Sites, sid, posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 20:27:01
Some web sites that may be useful…
Info with a 12-step program (I'm not into 12-step programs, but some of the info may be worth reading): http://www.ramsjb.com/talamasca/avatar/aca.html
Bool listings – a number of them religious, which I don't relate to at all, but others might: http://www.open-mind.org/Books/AC.htm
Jan Woititz' web site (one of the well known authors on the subject) : http://www.intac.com/~woy/drwoititz/drjan.htm
The 13 characteristics of adult children (co-dependents):
http://www.intac.com/~woy/drwoititz/13char.htmAnother well known author on the subject: Melodie Beattie; sje doesn't seem to have a web site though - at least it didn't appear in the results of my search.
About family and co-dependence:
http://www.wholefamily.com/aboutyourkids/co_dependency_qa.html
Posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 23:39:52
In reply to Some web sites on co-dependence, posted by sid on March 18, 2002, at 23:19:46
Thanks both trouble & sid. I like the idea of pretending I'm someone else doing it for me. I often used my imagination in all sort of things growing up, it made many things bearable & I still kinda get a kick out of doing it now. I think it's a great suggestion. I'll carry on a two-sided conversation that should make it easier. (Long as nobody else hears me & phone for the men in the little white suits to come for me.)
Sid, because I'm a very take-charge type of person (but don't always follow through with it), that may account for why many traits don't fit me. I did need to grow up quickly & take charge. My Mom was very encouraging but she was a shy, insecure woman herself & I'd often be her advocate from a bullying husband/father & greedy, free-loading relatives.
I know for a certainty that I got into a co-dependent relationship with my husband. I resented it & hated it, but if I didn't do something & take charge, nothing at all ever was accomplished. My youngest son said he was so good at fooling people but thought he was an expert in passive-aggression after he grew up & could see it from an adult's view. Whenever I tried to get a idea of what mt ex- wanted to do, he'd say one of three things "I don't know", "I don't care" or "I guess so". He'd never come out & state anything emphatically. I was always left to guess & then he'd go do it his own way anyway without ever telling me. Twenty four years of that was bound to leave a strong imprint on me.
Your comments, sid, to trouble about looking after yourself as your own child, I found surprising as it's how I often view myself - as a child I need to look after & talk with. Coping strategies, hey? I'll try my best to put these ideas into practice.
Posted by mair on March 19, 2002, at 7:23:03
In reply to reluctant to call PDOC, posted by KB on March 18, 2002, at 18:39:45
I haven't read through this whole thread so I don't know whether anyone else has given you these suggestions. With my last pdoc, I used to call when I knew he wasn't there and leave a message on his answering machine about the refill. I'd say in the message that I just needed to have him call in the prescription, that I was fine and he didn't need to call me back. Sometimes it worked, sometimes he called me anyway, but that was somehow different from me calling him. I communicate with my current pdoc in between sessions almost exclusively by email. That seems to suit me best.
Mair
Posted by KB on March 19, 2002, at 8:25:07
In reply to Re: reluctant to call PDOC, posted by mair on March 19, 2002, at 7:23:03
Thanks everybody for your suggestions. Unfortunately, I can't talk to the pharmacist any more than I can call the Pdoc - in fact, I usually get someone else to pick up my prescriptions for me so I don't have to face him (feel embarassed about taking so many meds - I have Lupus so it's a lot).
Mair, I do use the answering machine gambit a lot but his machine specifically says not to leave med or refill requests on it, so that puts me in a quandary about what to say when I leave the message "Hi, I can't say why I'm calling because your machine doesn't allow it?" If only he had email . . .
I'm the same way about MDs - I spend a lot of time agonizing about whether something is important enough to call about - the result is that I either get better or wind up in the ER.
My mother was the same way - wouldn't go to the grocery store b/c she was too embarassed to be seen using food stamps - oddly enough, that doesn't bother me, maybe because I did it so often as a kid. I can't set fot in a baakery, though - seems SO self-indulgent.
Posted by sid on March 19, 2002, at 8:56:04
In reply to Co-dependancy, posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 23:39:52
Posted by jane d on March 20, 2002, at 23:26:58
In reply to Re: reluctant to call PDOC, posted by KB on March 19, 2002, at 8:25:07
KB - I have the same problem. I've gotten better about calling the doctor after several years but it can take several days to work up to it. I also have trouble calling other people with requests for myself but I can usually make calls for work. I've wondered why this is. One thing that rings a bell with me is the descriptions of social phobia that talk about a fear of authority figures. Who's more of an authority figure than a doctor, especially a psychiatrist? When working you have the authority that comes with the job. And it's sort of like reading a script. I remember that when I started working those calls were much harder for me to make. Do you think it might be easier to call the doctor from work?
I haven't found a solution to this yet. I just plan to call enough days in advance that I can afford to spend several days practicing what I am going to say and getting up my courage. And feeling embarrassed the entire time. I've also noticed that the fear of calling increases with more depression and decreases when antidepressants start to work.
Jane
There's more about social anxiety at about.com. http://panicdisorder.about.com/cs/socialbasics/
These are two of the articles I found thru that site that sounded a bit familiar to me. Not all of it's a good match but then these diagnoses rarely are.
This is the end of the thread.
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