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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tetrix on November 17, 2009, at 23:38:34
I have read so many negative feedbacks about therapy that I am starting to feel discouraged.
I have been in therapy for over 7 months and I dont feel that it has been helpful at all. If anything it gave me even more anxiety and has been a financial and emotional drain.
Putting transference aside and not looking at the therapist as an object of affection,
- can someone honestly say that therapy helped them to deal with their problems or issues?How long did it take to realize if it is helping?
Thanks.. I really need to know..
Posted by workinprogress on November 18, 2009, at 0:43:00
In reply to about therapy, posted by tetrix on November 17, 2009, at 23:38:34
Hi there Tetrix-
Therapy is a tricky thing. I know I felt a lot worse before feeling better. I went into therapy to deal with a relationship ending. My therapist said: "you're not here about xxx, you're here about you". I totally didn't believe her, but sure enough, after getting through xxx I ended up taking a look at me. I didn't think there was anything to look at, but boy was I wrong.
And as far as transference aside, I would say it is the connection I feel with my T, the fact that she is more of a mother than my mother, that is the reason I have learned and grown the most. Because I have attached to her and come to trust her. That's meant we've dug deeper.. deeper all the time. And in the end, for me, it's the relationship and our conversations through and about that relationship, that have done the most healing. So, I can't really put transference aside, at least if you're looking at positive transference and connection to your T. Because that is what I honestly would say is the key to my growth. Someone loving and caring about me completely unconditionally has allowed me to start doing that for myself.
Now, to be fair, I don't have serious mental health issues (at least that my T has shared with me or that I've otherwise been diagnosed with), but I've grown from almost no sense of self/self-esteem to pretty immense amounts.... MAGIC.
It could be that your therapist is not the right fit. Have you talked to your T about how you're feeling? That's the most common piece of advice on Babble. If you haven't, I suggest you do. Ask your T what they think, tell your T what you think. Talk it through, make a plan about what you want and talk to your T about expectations. Change doesn't happen overnight, but maybe you are stuck... or maybe your expectations are too high, it's hard to know without knowing more about the things you'd like to see...
If talking it through doesn't lead to a place that feels right for you- you might consider interviewing other Ts... finding out if there is a better fit out there for you.
Good luck..
WIP
Posted by IntendedMispelling on November 18, 2009, at 0:43:13
In reply to about therapy, posted by tetrix on November 17, 2009, at 23:38:34
I feel like the way therapy is done just isn't enough. Talking for one or two hours a week really doesn't work.
I hate it when my therapists play along acting like they understand things when they don't.
And there's the way they take the issues your living and turn it into a straw-man. Many people want someone who can help them make sense of the subtleties of life. But the operating assumption of many forms of therapy is that there are no subtleties.
I can't honestly say that therapy has worked for me. But I also don't think I've ever had therapy that was really honest.
Posted by emmanuel98 on November 18, 2009, at 3:07:41
In reply to about therapy, posted by tetrix on November 17, 2009, at 23:38:34
Why are you in therapy? What do you hope to achieve? I've seen a T for nearly five years and have grown so much I barely recognize myself. My biggest regret is that I was too macho to consider therapy when I was younger and could have benefited even more. When I started therapy five years ago, I was mess and knew I was a mess and needed help.
My T has constantly pushed me to be honest with myself and to be clear on what the goals are of therapy. He doesn't believe in open-ended, goal-less therapy.
Also, you can't "put transference aside", IMO. Transference is what kept me coming, even when therapy was difficult and painful. I so wanted his approval that I was willing to work really hard at therapy, anxious to become a better person who was worthy of his regard.
>
> I have been in therapy for over 7 months and I dont feel that it has been helpful at all. If anything it gave me even more anxiety and has been a financial and emotional drain.
>
Posted by lingonberry on November 18, 2009, at 7:56:35
In reply to about therapy, posted by tetrix on November 17, 2009, at 23:38:34
> I have read so many negative feedbacks about therapy that I am starting to feel discouraged.
>
> I have been in therapy for over 7 months and I dont feel that it has been helpful at all. If anything it gave me even more anxiety and has been a financial and emotional drain.
>
> Putting transference aside and not looking at the therapist as an object of affection,
> - can someone honestly say that therapy helped them to deal with their problems or issues?
>
> How long did it take to realize if it is helping?
> Thanks.. I really need to know..
Hi everybody. Ive been lurking around her for a while. I have hesitated to respond because English isnt my tongue and it makes it a little bit hard I have to think before I write. LOL.
I perfectly understand your point tetrix, but I have to say that feeling more anxiety (I know it sounds like a paradox) shows that youre on the right track, and Im so happy for you.Ive been in therapy for 3,5 years now and boy, have I been struggling? YES! Its all about you. You have to take responsibility for your own recovery. (Im not saying that youre not). You need to do whatever it takes to get there; you need to stay with your feelings no matter what. This wish to get well may manifest itself in reading books, listen to tapes, go to workshops, trying to link the feelings you have towards your therapist to the past etc. Its tough because you have to do much work on your own. Therapy is not 45 minutes per week. It is 24/7 work. You have to make it your first priority.
I have discovered that the therapeutic relationship is not like any other relation. The therapist is, like someone already said, (Im sorry that I forget your name, maybe Seldomseen?) the catalyst. And he or she is the screen that all your flaws are projected onto. Therapy, sometimes, can be an absolutely devastating experience. The therapeutic relationship is weird they have to push your buttons so to speak for you to move forward, to bring old stuff to the surface - emotions, patterns etc - that have been repressed for a long time. And thats really hurtful. And its definitively hurtful when we truly believe that they are the ones who have hurt us (when we dont see that we have a transference thing going on, that we project things on to them) because we expect warmth, love and understanding from them. But that is therapy in a nutshell I think. Therapists wake things up; we feel hurt, anger, frustration and think our therapist isnt a perfect match at all, that they do not do what we expect them to do, because if they do, we will feel safe and comfy. That is so not true. I will say, if you dont have a feeling you sort of wanting to crawl out of your own skin, you dont do therapy. Im sorry, but thats how it should feels like. IMO
But the nice thing is, and which make us progress, when we have the courage to let our therapist know how we feel about them, when we talk about our feelings towards them, then they help us with their understanding, interpretations and we get real empathy and we relearn that its safe to speak about our problem, that they will not get angry at us, and they help us to work through whatever is in our hearts and minds so we can heal our wounds. And it feels like this cycle will go on and on and on
Therapy goes back and forth, sometimes its very intense you feel a lot and then sometimes you experience a period which is calmer and relaxing - thats usually when the lights come on. So, therapy is a struggle, but its also a wonderful experience. And I dont think you should put transference aside, rather opposite, feel all the feelings your therapist evoke in you, really feel them and try to stay with them and then bring them in to the therapy for discussion. THATS therapy. It takes some time but it is definitely worth it. The feeling - when your internal saboteurs starts to decrease and your sense of self-worth grows bigger and bigger, and you begin to be more assertive because you like and respect yourself - its really magic.
I liked my therapist immediately, he evoke something in me the very first time I met him. He looks so kind, and warm and I felt as he really SAW me and wanted to help me. He radiated warmth and kindness, really empathic. I cried all the way back home, BUT I never did it in front of him until after approx 2, 5 years. (Im co-dependent and have, along with many other things, problem with trust issues) I think though that you must have some sort of positive feelings, all along with the negative ones, towards your therapist if it has to work. There must be something if you know what I mean. But I struggled with this trust issues and I dont even thought he was on my side for a very long time.
Oh, sorry! Im just ranting. LOL. But I just LOVE this subject.
I hope youll get what you need from your therapist tetrix so you learn to live your life till the fullest, because youre worth it! Take care!
Dali
PS: And dont know which type of problems you are struggling with but if youre interested I highly recommend two great books about therapy Between therapist and client (Michael Kahn) and Children of alcoholism, the struggle for Self and intimacy in adult life Both describes the therapy process pretty well.
Posted by tetrix on November 20, 2009, at 9:13:56
In reply to Re: about therapy » tetrix, posted by lingonberry on November 18, 2009, at 7:56:35
Thank you so much for your posts and your support.
Lingonberry ( btw I LOVE those), I have reread your post several times and it gave me a lot of hope.I am in therapy because of drastic changes in my life that lead me to severe depression and anxiety that is causing insomnia and prevents me from leading a normal life.
I have decided to stick with my T and give her a chance and trust the process of therapy. I guess my expectations were too high and my idea of what therapy should be were incorrect.
Seeing her only once a week does make this process unbelievably long and sometimes frustrating but I hope that it will be worth it at the end.Thank you all again, your posts meant a lot to me.
Posted by lingonberry on November 20, 2009, at 17:05:06
In reply to Re: about therapy, posted by tetrix on November 20, 2009, at 9:13:56
> Thank you so much for your posts and your support.
> Lingonberry ( btw I LOVE those), I have reread your post several times and it gave me a lot of hope.I like being associated with something you love, rather then LOL
> I am in therapy because of drastic changes in my life that lead me to severe depression and anxiety that is causing insomnia and prevents me from leading a normal life.
Im sorry that your life has changed in that direction. Cross my fingers that something good comes out of it in the long run. Btw, I heard once that the word crisis means possibility. But its not easy to look at it that way when one is in the middle of it. I also had sleeping problems because of anxiety and stress, but I came to terms with it by CBT. I followed the exercises in a book and it really worked and Im so happy, because its very distressing to not sleep well. I get more anxiety from it.
> I have decided to stick with my T and give her a chance and trust the process of therapy. I guess my expectations were too high and my idea of what therapy should be were incorrect.
Its really awful when one start to feel worse in therapy. I tried pretty hard to find ways to get away from my feelings. I mean, hello, I pay you for fixing me, right? And I totally understand your expectations. Mine was way over the top. Every time I got out of a relapse or growing cycle (I think the latter sounds more positive) I immediately thought; I have never felt so good! Thats it! Im done! At last, the therapy is over!
> Seeing her only once a week does make this process unbelievably long and sometimes frustrating but I hope that it will be worth it at the end.
Is it possible for you to see your therapist twice a week? I dont know if you are paying for the therapy or if its covered by insurance, but I have to say, like many other babblers, that therapy twice a week is a whole another experience then ones a week. It makes such difference! Its hard to even imagine. And It really speeds up the process.
Bye for now! Take care!
Lingonberry> Thank you all again, your posts meant a lot to me.
Posted by tetrix on November 22, 2009, at 17:21:00
In reply to Re: about therapy, posted by lingonberry on November 20, 2009, at 17:05:06
Hi Lingonberry ( Lingonberry jam with thin pancakes yum)
I am paying for therapy out of my pocket and it is becoming a fanancial concern.. I cant afford to see her twice a week but even if I did, she wouldnt give it to me. I did ask her once in the beginning and we ended up just adding extra 15 minutes..
I am going to ask her for more CBT ( she is eclectic).. I hope it would change the direction and the speed of our therapy.
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