Posted by lingonberry on November 18, 2009, at 7:56:35
In reply to about therapy, posted by tetrix on November 17, 2009, at 23:38:34
> I have read so many negative feedbacks about therapy that I am starting to feel discouraged.
>
> I have been in therapy for over 7 months and I dont feel that it has been helpful at all. If anything it gave me even more anxiety and has been a financial and emotional drain.
>
> Putting transference aside and not looking at the therapist as an object of affection,
> - can someone honestly say that therapy helped them to deal with their problems or issues?
>
> How long did it take to realize if it is helping?
> Thanks.. I really need to know..
Hi everybody. Ive been lurking around her for a while. I have hesitated to respond because English isnt my tongue and it makes it a little bit hard I have to think before I write. LOL.
I perfectly understand your point tetrix, but I have to say that feeling more anxiety (I know it sounds like a paradox) shows that youre on the right track, and Im so happy for you.Ive been in therapy for 3,5 years now and boy, have I been struggling? YES! Its all about you. You have to take responsibility for your own recovery. (Im not saying that youre not). You need to do whatever it takes to get there; you need to stay with your feelings no matter what. This wish to get well may manifest itself in reading books, listen to tapes, go to workshops, trying to link the feelings you have towards your therapist to the past etc. Its tough because you have to do much work on your own. Therapy is not 45 minutes per week. It is 24/7 work. You have to make it your first priority.
I have discovered that the therapeutic relationship is not like any other relation. The therapist is, like someone already said, (Im sorry that I forget your name, maybe Seldomseen?) the catalyst. And he or she is the screen that all your flaws are projected onto. Therapy, sometimes, can be an absolutely devastating experience. The therapeutic relationship is weird they have to push your buttons so to speak for you to move forward, to bring old stuff to the surface - emotions, patterns etc - that have been repressed for a long time. And thats really hurtful. And its definitively hurtful when we truly believe that they are the ones who have hurt us (when we dont see that we have a transference thing going on, that we project things on to them) because we expect warmth, love and understanding from them. But that is therapy in a nutshell I think. Therapists wake things up; we feel hurt, anger, frustration and think our therapist isnt a perfect match at all, that they do not do what we expect them to do, because if they do, we will feel safe and comfy. That is so not true. I will say, if you dont have a feeling you sort of wanting to crawl out of your own skin, you dont do therapy. Im sorry, but thats how it should feels like. IMO
But the nice thing is, and which make us progress, when we have the courage to let our therapist know how we feel about them, when we talk about our feelings towards them, then they help us with their understanding, interpretations and we get real empathy and we relearn that its safe to speak about our problem, that they will not get angry at us, and they help us to work through whatever is in our hearts and minds so we can heal our wounds. And it feels like this cycle will go on and on and on
Therapy goes back and forth, sometimes its very intense you feel a lot and then sometimes you experience a period which is calmer and relaxing - thats usually when the lights come on. So, therapy is a struggle, but its also a wonderful experience. And I dont think you should put transference aside, rather opposite, feel all the feelings your therapist evoke in you, really feel them and try to stay with them and then bring them in to the therapy for discussion. THATS therapy. It takes some time but it is definitely worth it. The feeling - when your internal saboteurs starts to decrease and your sense of self-worth grows bigger and bigger, and you begin to be more assertive because you like and respect yourself - its really magic.
I liked my therapist immediately, he evoke something in me the very first time I met him. He looks so kind, and warm and I felt as he really SAW me and wanted to help me. He radiated warmth and kindness, really empathic. I cried all the way back home, BUT I never did it in front of him until after approx 2, 5 years. (Im co-dependent and have, along with many other things, problem with trust issues) I think though that you must have some sort of positive feelings, all along with the negative ones, towards your therapist if it has to work. There must be something if you know what I mean. But I struggled with this trust issues and I dont even thought he was on my side for a very long time.
Oh, sorry! Im just ranting. LOL. But I just LOVE this subject.
I hope youll get what you need from your therapist tetrix so you learn to live your life till the fullest, because youre worth it! Take care!
Dali
PS: And dont know which type of problems you are struggling with but if youre interested I highly recommend two great books about therapy Between therapist and client (Michael Kahn) and Children of alcoholism, the struggle for Self and intimacy in adult life Both describes the therapy process pretty well.
poster:lingonberry
thread:926097
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091022/msgs/926119.html