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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JayMac on September 13, 2008, at 11:51:10
Do you guys email your T? How often?
Lately I've been emailing mine every week. Whatever I can't get out during our time together, I end up putting in an email and sending to her. These emails take me forever to write! I carefully select every word.
So I emailed her on Thursday night, and I haven't heard back from her. =( She usually responds within half a day. I wonder if she's tired of my emails. Truthfully, it was a very long email. I'm just worried that she forgot about me or she's tired of me or she's preoccupied with some other patient or she got in a car accident (I tend to imagine the worst). I know she has a life. I just wish she would email something, anything. I made some very, very vulnerable statements in the email and I hate feeling neglected. I feel neglected and now I feel anxious.
Maybe this is all trasnference. Actually, most of it is, but it still hurts.
Should I call her? Or would that be too obsessive/compulsive?
Thanks,
Jay
Posted by Phillipa on September 13, 2008, at 12:31:52
In reply to Emailing your T?, posted by JayMac on September 13, 2008, at 11:51:10
When I was seeing mine I'd get three words back. Was quite surprised as so many here e-mail their t's and get replies back not "Call and make an appointment". Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on September 13, 2008, at 16:12:04
In reply to Emailing your T?, posted by JayMac on September 13, 2008, at 11:51:10
Jay,
I can email mine as often as needed and I dont very much. Usually I do when I am angry at him and can't express it very well. You see the conversations I have with him in my head usually go better than those face to face. So sometimes I fire off an email telling him the things that are in the conversations in my head. Then we talk about it the next time. Which is sometimes why I don't always email him, I don't always want to discuss it next time. Is this clear as mud now.
I guess I have alot going on in my head, and I don't always disclose this with him. But he is very patient with me and waits for me to tell him. I don't know why he doesn't just give up.
But as for responding, mine usually says we will discuss next time. And sometimes he doesn't respond. For me, it is just a relief to get it out of my head. His response is not always necessary. I hope that makes sense to you. It does to me, but may seem weird.
.
rsk
Posted by JoniS on September 14, 2008, at 9:45:44
In reply to Emailing your T?, posted by JayMac on September 13, 2008, at 11:51:10
JayMac,
I email my T - used to be about 1 time a week but now I'm trying not to at all. He is pretty good about responding within an hour or so. He has a blackberry so he gets it pretty much instantly. He doesn't discourage emails, but I find that I am 90% of the time disappointed by his reply. I usually feel like he didn't get what I was trying to say. So now I usually call if I feel a great need, or I just wait til I see him again. His email replies are always short, and when I've talked about emails with him in the past I think that he beleives that emails can be misunderstood and just not a great way to communicate issues/feelings,etc. Maybe your T believes something like that as well - dont want to close the door to communication, but prefer face to face (or even telephone)discussion.
My 2 cents says dont take it personally at all, and call your T if you need to.
Joni
Posted by JayMac on September 14, 2008, at 14:29:31
In reply to Re: Emailing your T? » JayMac, posted by Phillipa on September 13, 2008, at 12:31:52
> When I was seeing mine I'd get three words back. Was quite surprised as so many here e-mail their t's and get replies back not "Call and make an appointment". Phillipa
Thanks for your response Phillipa. Yeah...I've heard some don't like email and won't respond and others don't mind.
Posted by JayMac on September 14, 2008, at 14:31:41
In reply to Re: Emailing your T? » JayMac, posted by rskontos on September 13, 2008, at 16:12:04
> Jay,
>
> I can email mine as often as needed and I dont very much. Usually I do when I am angry at him and can't express it very well. You see the conversations I have with him in my head usually go better than those face to face. So sometimes I fire off an email telling him the things that are in the conversations in my head. Then we talk about it the next time. Which is sometimes why I don't always email him, I don't always want to discuss it next time. Is this clear as mud now.
>
> I guess I have alot going on in my head, and I don't always disclose this with him. But he is very patient with me and waits for me to tell him. I don't know why he doesn't just give up.
>
> But as for responding, mine usually says we will discuss next time. And sometimes he doesn't respond. For me, it is just a relief to get it out of my head. His response is not always necessary. I hope that makes sense to you. It does to me, but may seem weird.
>
> .
>
> rskThank you for your response Rsk. I've been finding myself telling her via email everything that I wasn't able to say during our time together. She was fine with me emailing her. But lately I'm beginning to think that she doesn't like it.
Posted by JayMac on September 14, 2008, at 14:36:26
In reply to Re: Emailing your T? » JayMac, posted by JoniS on September 14, 2008, at 9:45:44
> JayMac,
>
> I email my T - used to be about 1 time a week but now I'm trying not to at all. He is pretty good about responding within an hour or so. He has a blackberry so he gets it pretty much instantly. He doesn't discourage emails, but I find that I am 90% of the time disappointed by his reply. I usually feel like he didn't get what I was trying to say. So now I usually call if I feel a great need, or I just wait til I see him again. His email replies are always short, and when I've talked about emails with him in the past I think that he beleives that emails can be misunderstood and just not a great way to communicate issues/feelings,etc. Maybe your T believes something like that as well - dont want to close the door to communication, but prefer face to face (or even telephone)discussion.
>
> My 2 cents says dont take it personally at all, and call your T if you need to.
>
> JoniHi Joni, thanks for your response. My T usually responds within 24-36 hours. But it's been a few days since I emailed her. My T, for the same reason you mentioned, doesn't prefer email, but she lets me do it cuz she knows it's easier for me. I just have a hard time with the phone because I feel like I close up around her (at least lately). So...the email has been useful, but at the same time, I don't want to use email to *avoid* talking to her. Actually, I think I am doing just that: Using email to avoid talking to her.
Thanks for your input!
Posted by JayMac on September 14, 2008, at 14:40:19
In reply to Emailing your T?, posted by JayMac on September 13, 2008, at 11:51:10
Update: I called my T, left a voicemail. I told her that I just wanted to make sure she got my email. I did ask her to either email or call me back.
After reading all your suggestions/opinions, I think that I need to speak with her about how I use email to avoid speaking with her.
Thanks for all your support! =)
Posted by Poet on September 14, 2008, at 18:56:11
In reply to Emailing your T?, posted by JayMac on September 13, 2008, at 11:51:10
Hi JayMac,
Maybe she's away this weekend and isn't checking her email?
My T usually responds to emails if anything she just puts, we'll talk about this on Friday.
If I were you and if you haven't heard from her by Monday afternoon, I'd give her a call and aks if she got the email.
Poet
Posted by JayMac on September 14, 2008, at 21:28:51
In reply to Re: Emailing your T? » JayMac, posted by Poet on September 14, 2008, at 18:56:11
Hi Poet,
Thanks for your response. Yeah....I don't know why she hasn't responded back. Usually she's pretty good. She could very well be away for the weekend, good point.I called her this morning and left a message on her voicemail. But later this afternoon I called her voicemail again and told her that she didn't have to call/email me back because I had a "realization". I don't really really need her to call/email me back. I realized that, among other things, I'm emailing her everything I should be talking about while in therapy.
Posted by softheprairie on September 15, 2008, at 0:33:13
In reply to Emailing your T?, posted by JayMac on September 13, 2008, at 11:51:10
I find it odd to read so much around here about emailing one's therapist. My pdoc does my meds and my therapy (which I do know is not so common these days), and he hasn't given me his email adrs., tho' I've been seeing him for years. I think I'm more reluctant to phone than many on these boards are, too, so it's not due to me calling too often.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 15, 2008, at 7:49:40
In reply to Emailing your T?, posted by JayMac on September 13, 2008, at 11:51:10
I e-mail my t from time to time; trying to not become dependent, but he always responds. He says that he knows my e-mails are a way to "be in contact through the week."
I only call him, if it is really serious, and so far....maybe only call him 2 times in a year.
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by healing928 on September 15, 2008, at 10:16:03
In reply to Re: Emailing your T?, posted by softheprairie on September 15, 2008, at 0:33:13
I don't like leaving long detailed phone messages. And he is the one that said it was okay to "unload" on him. Most of the time I will tell him I don't need a response...
I think it depends on the t and what he or she is comfortable with...
Posted by Wittgensteinz on September 16, 2008, at 16:04:00
In reply to Re: Emailing your T?, posted by healing928 on September 15, 2008, at 10:16:03
When I first started therapy, I mailed some long texts to my T - he wanted me to write a 'life story', which I did in various 'episodes'. It was a good way to set the scene.
At a certain point he said that I shouldn't use e-mail as an alternative to bringing the experiences into the shared space of the therapy room - it shouldn't be a 'secrete communication' (like passing notes in class) as that's indirect. I could still e-mail but he would ask me to remind him what I'd written in my mail, so I would have to say it aloud. Now I don't need to write it, I just allow myself to say it - sometimes I will take something I've written into the session and read it.
Nowadays, I'll mail him about formal things (appointments) and if there's anything that comes to mind after the session - if I'm distressed about something etc. I mail once/twice a week - but sometimes I don't mail for a few weeks, it depends. It's nice to mail him once or twice while he's away on holiday, and he'll mail me back. He usually responds to my mails - mostly just a couple of lines, sometimes more.
I'd just ask your T how she feels about your mailing - I imagine if she was irritated by it, she'd just say. It's more likely she's been away, busy, had internet problems... or the mail/reply didn't arrive. I hope you hear from her soon. I don't think a mail a week is too much, but it's something you should discuss with your T.
Witti
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