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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by red house on September 26, 2007, at 20:33:54
hi, i'm a lurker on the board sometimes and i've read posts in the past where people have talked about googling their Ts. i'm ashamed to admit that i've done it too, and have even told my T that i've googled her. (she didn't seem to mind at all.) sometimes it helps me to feel connected to her somehow when i google her -- like if i know something about her, then it's easier to hold onto her as a real person.
anyway, but my question is: have any of you who have googled (or somehow else) ever run across something that you wish you didn't know about your Ts? and if so, what have you done?
i recently came across something that i know i shouldn't have been able to discover and it's quite disrupting to me -- nothing bad really, just something really hard about my T's past that she'd probably never have volunteered to tell me. so i realize i "shouldn't" have found it in the first place, but now that i know, i am not sure that i'm really going to be able to keep it out of my mind in session.
any suggestions? anyone dealt with something like this? obviously honesty would be one way to go, but . . . i don't have the guts to admit what i know and that i found it in the first place.
thanks -- this is a really amazing board; i've gained so much just from reading your posts.
redhouse
Posted by Racer on September 26, 2007, at 21:39:43
In reply to What to do when . . . ?, posted by red house on September 26, 2007, at 20:33:54
I found my T's home address, among other things I found about her on searching. I warned her about it, so that she'd know it was out there.
Then again, my T has disclosed a fair amount of personal information, so it might be easier for me to talk about these things.
My advice? I think it might be best to tell her what you found, just because otherwise it may interfere with your therapy. This is your therapy, after all, and there's nothing wrong with googling her.
Good luck. I do hope you'll let us know what happens.
Posted by Dory on September 26, 2007, at 21:53:52
In reply to What to do when . . . ?, posted by red house on September 26, 2007, at 20:33:54
i wasn't able to find much about mine online... some quote from him in an article in a local paper... something about treatment of phobias. whoopee. My last T was a little better, some previous work and a picture.. that picture was like a gold nugget.
if you have already opened the door about checking her out online, then i would imagine she wouldn't freak out. But it probably feels bad and weird huh?
Posted by Maria01 on September 26, 2007, at 22:46:58
In reply to What to do when . . . ?, posted by red house on September 26, 2007, at 20:33:54
The internet is essentially a public domain, so there is nothing wrong with Googling your therapist. She's already aware that you have Googled her and she handled is just fine, so I doubt your recent finding will cause her to be upset. If her details are on cyberspace, they're available to the public.
As always, honesty is the best policy. Otherwise, if it continues to bother you and you don't address it, it may potentially interfere with your therapy. It's up to you, but I'd go for it.
Posted by red house on September 27, 2007, at 6:44:06
In reply to Re: What to do when . . . ? » red house, posted by Maria01 on September 26, 2007, at 22:46:58
thank you for your responses. my better angel tells me you're right -- that honesty is the best policy. i think i just needed to hear it from someone else too!
thank you!
redhouse
Posted by muffled on September 27, 2007, at 11:15:25
In reply to Re: What to do when . . . ?, posted by red house on September 27, 2007, at 6:44:06
Posted by JoniS on September 28, 2007, at 9:14:34
In reply to Re: What to do when . . . ?, posted by red house on September 27, 2007, at 6:44:06
Hey red house,
Tell us how that goes, telling your T. (I bet it will be fine, as someone said the internet is public domain)
I have done much worse. I have googled, AND Google Earth'd my T. AND, I drove past his house one time. I'm really not psycho, I think it was just this deep desire to be connected to him. I certainly don't plan to interject myself into his personal life. I'm really struggling with this therapy-client relationship.
Hope things go well for you!\
Joni
Posted by red house on September 28, 2007, at 14:02:52
In reply to Re: What to do when . . . ?, posted by JoniS on September 28, 2007, at 9:14:34
thanks, joni. i will let you all know what happens -- i will probably need the support. my session is not until next week, so i've had a long time to stew over it. i ended up leaving a message for my T so as to kind of force myself to tell her when i go in because it's just been eating me up.
i agree with you that the internet is public domain and that it shouldn't be a problem. but, i kind of went beyond googling this time and found something through a news database. still public information, for sure, but a little harder to come by than google. i definitely think this crosses the line, and certainly the information i discovered is something i really wish i didn't know. but you can't really unknow something, so, i'm kind of stuck . . .
my T's generally really great about finding the good, even when i've been bad, but i think i definitely crossed the line this time. i'm scared it's going to be very hard to repair. it's already consumed a lot of my energy with worry and fear.
thanks for your support.
redhouse
Posted by purplemyth on October 5, 2007, at 21:57:46
In reply to Re: What to do when . . . ? » JoniS, posted by red house on September 28, 2007, at 14:02:52
I actually just googled my T a little while ago, which is why I ended up on this post tonight I guess. I googled her a long time ago, when our relationship was still building. I got her kids and husbands name, vacation house, a random qoute, some charities she donates to, affiliation, and that she ran a marathon. The charity bothers me for some reason, as did the marathon (luckily i found out inderctly that she doesnt like running, which leads me to believe that she was in a fund raising race or something, which bothers me too). I have a close relationship with her now, and in the the past I was able to tell her that I researched her and wasnt sure how she would respond. She smiled, and was interested why I did this and what I found, which was surprising and made me feel good. I dont think I told her what I found, but I was able to say that i didnt want to tell her because it may make things cloudy or her or me uncomfortable. I had a great past 2 sessions where we really connected. Today I felt a little sad, so I thought just googling her to see if there is any stupid little update at the school she supervises at, would help me feel connected and like she was with me a bit. I found something new which surprised me. It was part of her clinical/professional world, and it was a brouchure for a conference in one month where she will speaking with two others about countertransference and payment from clients. This upset me at first because I often get mad about the amount she charge or feel like its too much or she doesnt like me enough. The description said something about how some analysts who are fependent on their clients coming it for treatment, "coast" with their client. meaning (even if they arent aware), that they are continuing to see clients even when improvement is not being made and therapy is stale for a while. Luckily, I really feel as though that is not her issue at all. but it bothers me that her conference is about money, and I also wondered why the secription didnt include how clients feel about the amount they are being charge and those issues and how money can taint things (unless examined/dealth with). I think I am going to tell her that I know about this, and the charity, and her family, and the run. I feel safe enough now with her to do so and she seemed interesting...I just need to get past the embarrassment. I guess you inspired me to want to tell her, and hope you will be able to or have already. And yea, I would love to know how it goes! And I just want to add, that I am very sleepy and about to go to bed, so i hope there were not too many typos and that it makes sense for the most part :)
> thanks, joni. i will let you all know what happens -- i will probably need the support. my session is not until next week, so i've had a long time to stew over it. i ended up leaving a message for my T so as to kind of force myself to tell her when i go in because it's just been eating me up.
>
> i agree with you that the internet is public domain and that it shouldn't be a problem. but, i kind of went beyond googling this time and found something through a news database. still public information, for sure, but a little harder to come by than google. i definitely think this crosses the line, and certainly the information i discovered is something i really wish i didn't know. but you can't really unknow something, so, i'm kind of stuck . . .
>
> my T's generally really great about finding the good, even when i've been bad, but i think i definitely crossed the line this time. i'm scared it's going to be very hard to repair. it's already consumed a lot of my energy with worry and fear.
>
> thanks for your support.
>
> redhouse
Posted by red house on October 6, 2007, at 9:26:14
In reply to Re: What to do when . . . ?, posted by purplemyth on October 5, 2007, at 21:57:46
thanks, purplemyth, for your message and for sharing about your experience. i think you will probably ultimately feel better to share with your T what you found, even if the short-term of doing so provides discomfort. i have found that sharing what i learned or what i've done helps to diminish the shame i feel about what i've done or the feeling of keeping a secret. but it's still really hard to do.
i did end up telling my T what i had done and what i had learned. what i had done was not terrible really, at all, in and of itself, and was about public information that was accessible to me. and my T was pretty clear that given the internet, boundaries are a little different. but what i learned about was something that she wouldn't have shared with me and therefore was crossing a boundary for her. and i knew that as soon as i uncovered it; she acknowledged that what i knew was something personal and an experience that had been very painful for her. i felt really really bad for bringing it up, somehow as if i was hurting her to have to bring it into her conscious thoughts (it was a while ago that what i found happened).
and i also fear, very much, that we can't really go back to the way things had been in therapy. i feel like my violating her boundaries will hang thick in the air forcing her to be more cautious and reserved. i should be punished for what i did, i feel.
she said clearly that she wasn't mad at me, but that i had crossed a boundary, and even if she understood where the need came from for me to seek out information, she wanted me to stop doing it, and to work on being direct with her about what i am needing and the feelings that lead to the urge to go looking for info.
and she was very open to talking about how what i did and what i learned impacted me, which only made me feel enormously guilty that she was being present for me and available to listen to me despite my violating her boundaries. it seems really bad, wrong, and disrespectful to need her to listen to how i feel about a traumatic event that happened in her life. what right do i have to have a reaction to something that happened to her that i shouldn't even know about in the first place?
anyway, these are some of the things that have been floating around in my head this week . . . i fear it may take a while for me to repair the damage that i have done to my own ability to work in therapy.
thanks for listening (reading) . . .
redhouse
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