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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Gee on April 10, 2007, at 13:54:01
How did it go today?
How's your chest coming along? Did you think of anything else to put in it???
Posted by Happyflower on April 10, 2007, at 14:01:58
In reply to Jammer..., posted by Gee on April 10, 2007, at 13:54:01
((((((jammer))))) take care
Posted by jammerlich on April 10, 2007, at 14:27:38
In reply to Jammer..., posted by Gee on April 10, 2007, at 13:54:01
Thank you, Gee, for asking about me. You really are so thoughtful. I have to admit, I haven't given much thought to the chest since we chatted; but it surely did help last night. I think I'll try to make it a project to find a box and start collecting things for it; especially since I won't be moving into my house for a good while. Hold me to that, OK?
I don't know how I feel about my session today. I guess it went pretty well. We didn't really talk about all that was on my mind; but, that's more my fault than hers. I mean, I don't think she really heard what I said when we talked on the phone last week because she didn't exactly try to lead into things very much (it really helps me when she does); but, she asked if there was anything else I had wanted to talk about and I just said I wasn't sure I wanted to anymore. I'm just way too much of a chicken. :-(
What we did manage to discuss was how our last session ended. If I cancel, I don't have to leave a reason with the secretary or service. She seems to just want something like, "I'll call back to reschedule" or "I'll just see her next week." Those kinds of things I can do, I think. I just don't really know what to do if I feel like I don't want or really won't do those things. I guess we'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it.
I explained how the "don't want to get into that again" comment felt and she said she could see how it would make me feel jumped on. And we discovered we have very different memories of how things were between us the first time I saw her. In regard to that comment, I explained how I felt like I was being blamed for the fact that she called a lot before....when I hadn't asked for that...it was a decision she made.....and sometimes it was very helpful, while other times it felt intrusive. She said, "You mean I called you when you hadn't called me?" And she did; but, she doesn't remember it.
She said she'd been really, really worried when I canceled and it really brought up for her the times she'd been worried about me when I saw her before. It came across as very genuine, too. A lot of the time, I'm not so sure about her; but, this seemed completely real. And real is good.
Still, though, I came away feeling feeling empty and unsatisfied, too. Ambivalent. I guess that's what I am. I just wish that didn't seem like such a bad, bad word. But, then again, I know why it is.....it's a word she used when she terminated me. Of course, that's one of the things I thought we were going to talk about today.....
Is next Tuesday *really* a whole week away?
Posted by PhytoEstrogen on April 10, 2007, at 18:06:44
In reply to T today, posted by jammerlich on April 10, 2007, at 14:27:38
((((Jammer))))
Tell me more about this chest.
I'm sorry your T and you share different memories. I guess that it's difficult to have a "past" with anyone, much less a T.
Tuesday is a whole week away. but actually, It's already mostly past today, so really only 6 days and a bit.
and you're going to be sleeping a lot of the time too. so really it's only about 3 days away.
sorry I got nothing better to say than that.
Posted by gazo on April 10, 2007, at 19:04:16
In reply to Jammer..., posted by Gee on April 10, 2007, at 13:54:01
hugs for my girl... you know i care. i admire your strength and your grace. You are walking through a dark valley and you hold yourself high. i know you feel like you falter and you're shaky, but you are doing amazingly well.
much love and peace
Posted by gazo on April 10, 2007, at 19:11:24
In reply to Re: Jammer... » Gee, posted by gazo on April 10, 2007, at 19:04:16
Posted by jammerlich on April 10, 2007, at 20:16:13
In reply to oops...sorry Gee, above was for jammer : / (nm), posted by gazo on April 10, 2007, at 19:11:24
Tonight is bad. Really, really bad.
I want to call my T.
I don't want to call my T.
I don't want to want to call my T.
I want someone who will come if I ask and put their arms around me while I cry. And tell me that I'm OK and that it will all be OK...even if they aren't completely sure it's true.
I don't know anyone who would do that.
I feel about 5-years-old. And 5-year-olds are NOT supposed to be left alone. Especially at night.
Tonight is really, really bad.
Posted by Happyflower on April 10, 2007, at 20:24:27
In reply to Bad, bad, bad, posted by jammerlich on April 10, 2007, at 20:16:13
((((jammer))))) You are right, you shouldn't be left alone, please call your T. I think that would be the best thing. I am worried about you , I hope you will be all right.
Posted by PhytoEstrogen on April 10, 2007, at 21:27:45
In reply to Re: Bad, bad, bad » jammerlich, posted by Happyflower on April 10, 2007, at 20:24:27
It's okay to want to call your T
It's okay to call your T.
what have you got to lose?
or you can just eat some frozen yogurt as you snuggle under a comforter wondering why it's so freezing cold.
-:P
Posted by gazo on April 10, 2007, at 21:35:32
In reply to Re: Bad, bad, bad » Happyflower, posted by PhytoEstrogen on April 10, 2007, at 21:27:45
((((((jammer)))))))
call her jammer. take care of yourself.
Posted by muffled on April 10, 2007, at 23:02:35
In reply to T today, posted by jammerlich on April 10, 2007, at 14:27:38
(((Jammer))). Hope you OK.
I dunno if I comming across wrong, but I see some of your fear and stuff and staying away from T in myself. Then I got the probs w/fear of allowing attachment. And I so didn't want to get the boundaries wrong. And I was forever getting dumpmeitis. Anyhow, basically it was very hard and sucked big time. I didn't like the feelings I was having.
But T stuck w/me, and I stuck w/her, and now its alot better. I don't get dumpmeitis any more. I pretty much trust she wouldn't hurt me on purpose. Its felt mostly ok to let someone closer to me. And she knows some stuff bout me and hasn't run away or been horrified by me. And that feels good too. I never had this b4. Its OK and good. Scarey but good. So I just wish the same for you is all.
Take care Jammer.
Muffled
Posted by Gee on April 11, 2007, at 11:20:12
In reply to Bad, bad, bad, posted by jammerlich on April 10, 2007, at 20:16:13
((((Jammer))))
I hope today is better for you! Are you going to call your t? Is there any way you can make yourself feel safer?
I am thinking of you!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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