Posted by jammerlich on April 10, 2007, at 14:27:38
In reply to Jammer..., posted by Gee on April 10, 2007, at 13:54:01
Thank you, Gee, for asking about me. You really are so thoughtful. I have to admit, I haven't given much thought to the chest since we chatted; but it surely did help last night. I think I'll try to make it a project to find a box and start collecting things for it; especially since I won't be moving into my house for a good while. Hold me to that, OK?
I don't know how I feel about my session today. I guess it went pretty well. We didn't really talk about all that was on my mind; but, that's more my fault than hers. I mean, I don't think she really heard what I said when we talked on the phone last week because she didn't exactly try to lead into things very much (it really helps me when she does); but, she asked if there was anything else I had wanted to talk about and I just said I wasn't sure I wanted to anymore. I'm just way too much of a chicken. :-(
What we did manage to discuss was how our last session ended. If I cancel, I don't have to leave a reason with the secretary or service. She seems to just want something like, "I'll call back to reschedule" or "I'll just see her next week." Those kinds of things I can do, I think. I just don't really know what to do if I feel like I don't want or really won't do those things. I guess we'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it.
I explained how the "don't want to get into that again" comment felt and she said she could see how it would make me feel jumped on. And we discovered we have very different memories of how things were between us the first time I saw her. In regard to that comment, I explained how I felt like I was being blamed for the fact that she called a lot before....when I hadn't asked for that...it was a decision she made.....and sometimes it was very helpful, while other times it felt intrusive. She said, "You mean I called you when you hadn't called me?" And she did; but, she doesn't remember it.
She said she'd been really, really worried when I canceled and it really brought up for her the times she'd been worried about me when I saw her before. It came across as very genuine, too. A lot of the time, I'm not so sure about her; but, this seemed completely real. And real is good.
Still, though, I came away feeling feeling empty and unsatisfied, too. Ambivalent. I guess that's what I am. I just wish that didn't seem like such a bad, bad word. But, then again, I know why it is.....it's a word she used when she terminated me. Of course, that's one of the things I thought we were going to talk about today.....
Is next Tuesday *really* a whole week away?
poster:jammerlich
thread:748774
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/748784.html