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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 17:37:10
Hi Daisy,
I am beginning to feel very protective towards you.. Your therapist is so very caring and concerned and sweet.. how will you ever be able to leave him and go? What will you do when he starts terminating and starts lessening his care and concern for you? What if he messes up your termination? How will you deal with that kind of betrayal?
I almost feel like warning you not to get attached to your T and almost feel like protecting you from him.. Therapy is playing with your emotions, and therapists better know how to play it right.. I am very sure your therapist is extremely good - almost near perfect, but I am almost deeply scared for you. Almost terrified.
Just make sure this guy knows how to terminate well ok, otherwise you are going to be finding it almost impossible to recover..
I think I am projecting my own fears but for the past coupel of days I have been almsot terrified about your T.
Posted by fallsfall on June 23, 2005, at 20:20:41
In reply to Daisy - I am worried for you, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 17:37:10
Pinkeye,
I know that you are going through a very difficult time right now. And I know that your post comes from a part of your heart that wants Daisy to be safe.
I'm not sure exactly what happened in your previous therapy, I haven't read your posts closely enough to know. But, I do know that you are experiencing a lot of pain right now, and I wish that it could be different for you. Therapy can cause pain sometimes. Sometimes we have to go through that pain in order to get better, and sometimes the pain is just there and isn't helpful for us. But therapy can also help us heal. For some of us, we need that healing in order to live. So therapy IS a gamble - always. The human mind is not an understood and predictable realm. And trusting a therapist is always a gamble. No one can ever tell you for sure if therapy with a particular therapist will be helpful or hurtful for a particular person. We hope that we, as patients, can be receptive, and we hope that our therapists can be skilled and caring. Most of the time, I think it does work out that way (but not always).
If I'm understanding your post, you care about Daisy and want her to use due caution so that she won't get hurt in her therapy. That is a wonderful sentiment. But she asked me to respond to your post because at the moment she is in a difficult position, and she didn't feel able to respond herself. She has a lot of very hard things going on right now, and saw her therapist for the last time this afternoon before he goes on vacation for a week (she'll see him again on July 5). It is very hard for her to have him go on vacation without feeling like she is being abandoned. He left her a nice voice mail message telling her that he would be back, and she is trying to hold on to that. It is hard for her to read posts about termination right now. So that is why she asked me to respond to you.
I'm sorry (and she's sorry) that you are hurting, but she can't talk about this topic right now. I hope you understand.
Falls.
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 20:24:41
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » pinkeye, posted by fallsfall on June 23, 2005, at 20:20:41
Oh that is so sweet of her.
I was partly sure I was projecting my own experience.. That is why I said that in the post as well..
It just seems that her T is so very caring and considerate, that I was really wondering how she is ever going to be able to leave him.
But maybe she doesn't have to.. not forever. Maybe she can just hang on to him for a long long time. I really hope that he handles her very well if there ever comes a time for termination..otherwise, I am just going to lose all hope in therapists.
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:48:18
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » fallsfall, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 20:24:41
Posted by fallsfall on June 23, 2005, at 21:02:01
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » fallsfall, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 20:24:41
Right now her work in therapy is to learn to trust him. It is very hard for her to do this.
He will keep her safe.
I'm sorry that things are so hard for you. I hope that you can find a therapist in India who can help you work through this.
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 21:04:58
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » pinkeye, posted by fallsfall on June 23, 2005, at 21:02:01
Yeah, I think I was just projecting, and it was uncalled for.
I hope things go well for her and he is worth depending upon.
Posted by antigua on June 23, 2005, at 21:40:31
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » fallsfall, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 21:04:58
I bet Daisy's T will handle termination just as he has handled everything else with her-- perfectly, and I expect that day is a long, long, long way off.
just my opinion, of course.antigua
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:57:36
In reply to (((((((((Daisy ))))))))) (nm), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:48:18
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 24, 2005, at 20:32:26
In reply to Daisy - I am worried for you, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 17:37:10
I found your post so very upsetting to read.
Termination is such a deeply painful topic - to bring it up, out of the blue like this made my skin run cold. Daisy is no where near terminating with her T. She is in the midst of such difficult work right now, that is the very LAST thing that would happen to her. (((Daisy)))
Additionally, I think we need to be EXTREMELY cautious is even coming close to criticizing someone's therapist. We all know how deep our feeling run for our T's. If someone suggested anything negative about MY therapist....anger would be stirred, and tears would flow.
Of course, people may ASK for comments on their T's behavior, and that leaves the door ajar for CAREFULLY commenting.
I realize that you had a horrendous termination with your ex-T, and I'm very sorry that occured. And you have stated that you are projecting here - I agree. I also read that Daisy was so upset by your post that she has been unable to reply herself. What I haven't seen is a hearfelt apology to Daisy for saying anything upsetting at this difficult time.
I care a great deal for my friend Daisy. She has offered me such gracious support. I felt compelled to rise up and shield her by posting these comments.
Thank you.
emmy
Posted by pinkeye on June 24, 2005, at 20:44:51
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » pinkeye, posted by TofuEmmy on June 24, 2005, at 20:32:26
Yes, I realized it was really uncalled for, and so very shallow of me not to have thought carefully before writing it. And even more shallow to not recognize how upset she was by my post.
Somehow I didn't think it had that kind of an effect. When I read Falls post, I thought Daisy was more upset by her therapist leaving for vacation than about my post.
I really didn't mean it that way. I was projecting my own stuff, which I should not have done. And I have said in the past several times how highly I think of Daisy's T in many of her posts. I have even said that I look to her posts about her T to gain some insight for myself because I think he is as close to perfection as anybody could ever get.
I somehow felt stupidly protective of her when I wrote that post - almost like a paranoia.. (which I realize have been my own projection. I seem to be doing that awfully a lot here and I apologize. I will refrain from saying anything like that to anyone hereafter).
Daisy - I didn't mean to say anything bad about your T. I just kind of nightmarishly imagined the worst thing and just wrote it out very very stupidly. And I didn't mean to offend you or your T in any way. I am really sorry. I shouldn't have done it. And I promise I won't project any further to anyone.
Posted by pinkeye on June 24, 2005, at 21:11:33
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » TofuEmmy, posted by pinkeye on June 24, 2005, at 20:44:51
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 25, 2005, at 12:17:10
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » pinkeye, posted by TofuEmmy on June 24, 2005, at 20:32:26
> What I haven't seen is a hearfelt apology to Daisy for saying anything upsetting at this difficult time.
>
> I care a great deal for my friend Daisy. She has offered me such gracious support. I felt compelled to rise up and shield her by posting these comments.It's great to want to support Daisy, but please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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