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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 14:13:37
So, in my marathon race at getting better, here is one more question for all of you.
Do any of you constantly worry or are constantly afraid? And do any of you ruminate (think about the same things again and again and again in your mind)
I find that I worry excessively about all issues and I stretch things to the extreme. If I don't do well a little bit in my job, then I fear that I am going to be fired.
If I get little bit numbness, then I fear that I have some neurological problems. If I get little headache, I even think I have some brain tumor.
And I know I picked it up from both my parents. My father and mother are like that. My dad used to constantly terrorize about everything. If I picked up a bucket of water he used to tell me, "Oh. don't pick it up, you will break your back".. If I go near a fan, he used to scare me saying my hair will all be pulled into the fan.. things like that. For every small thing, he always used to extrapolate it to the extreme. And my mom gave me the fear about illness. She is always extremely afraid of her body, and keeps imagining she is becoming paralytic, she is becoming blind, she has got cancer.. Every possible thing. And my mom has this quality of constant worry and rumination of the same things.
So, without going further into my parents, the outcome is that I got intense fear about everything. And I also constantly ruminate about things.
I observed myself, and found that I need soemthing to worry about all the time. Either it is about my ex T, or about my husband, or about my arthritis, or about going back to India or about my job, or about money.
And if there is nothing to worry, then I worry that I am not happy. (like now :-))
And I am constnatly afraid of everything in life.. Very deeply afraid. I am afriad that I will lose all the money, I am afriad of relationships and that nobody will like me, I am afraid I will lose my job and I will not find any other job, I am afraid I will die soon. The list is really endless. And I ruminate about it also.
So any advice?
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 19, 2005, at 14:52:02
In reply to How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination?, posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 14:13:37
Your dad sounds like a version of my mom. my dad is the complete oppostie but i am still incompetent in certain ways to my mom. Like she feels the *need* to tell me repeatedly to say back away from a ledge (becasue you never know about the huge gusts of wind that could push me to my death lol)
anyway, i know that its hard to get out of your parents ways...I dont find I ruminate or worry excessively but I worry more than Id like to.
The worst time for me is night time and i worry about death, losing people. this sounds psycho I know. IS this what you mean by ruminating? My body starts feeling really sick and I have a physical reaction in my chest etc. because I cant stop thinking about it?
So I will try to turn on the TV or read, reading is sometimes very helpful. If that doesnt work and I just cant sleep then i have to get up and do something else.
I think I got lost again sorry :) but my point is that just doing stuff keeps your mind occupied. i honestly think it is the best way to kick the problem.
Do you work? go to school? Or is your day pretty open? i find the more spare time I have the worse it gets.
I hope that helps a little. ok I take back what I said, I often worry about what I say here becasue of my personality I find I can come accross very wrong and upset soemone becasue they dont know 'me', so I just avoid saying things sometimes becasue even if I had good intentions I worry it will come out cold or flip or whatever. So I soemtimes worry about those things and I would do the same thing in that case. I just destract myself with friends or whatever. im not good at it but it has helped some.
Oh and being in quiet can make it worse too. music is good.
Posted by sunny10 on May 19, 2005, at 14:58:25
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination?, posted by rainbowbrite on May 19, 2005, at 14:52:02
obviously, I do it, too, which is why my T had to tell me what it's called...
Also why I am constantly doubting myself about what is a big deal and what isn't... I seem to have lost the ability to tell what is real (and a gut reaction) from those situations I'm making into a mountain that should have remained a molehill...
Posted by Jazzed on May 19, 2005, at 15:35:48
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination?, posted by rainbowbrite on May 19, 2005, at 14:52:02
>
> So I will try to turn on the TV or read, reading is sometimes very helpful. If that doesnt work and I just cant sleep then i have to get up and do something else.
>
> I think I got lost again sorry :) but my point is that just doing stuff keeps your mind occupied. i honestly think it is the best way to kick the problem.
>
> Do you work? go to school? Or is your day pretty open? i find the more spare time I have the worse it gets.
>
> I hope that helps a little. ok I take back what I said, I often worry about what I say here becasue of my personality I find I can come accross very wrong and upset soemone becasue they dont know 'me', so I just avoid saying things sometimes becasue even if I had good intentions I worry it will come out cold or flip or whatever. So I soemtimes worry about those things and I would do the same thing in that case. I just destract myself with friends or whatever. im not good at it but it has helped some.
> Oh and being in quiet can make it worse too. music is good.
I agree with the above, and I do ruminate, not to the same degree, but I think some people are worriers, some are extreme worriers, and some people use worry or anxiety to keep them going from one thing to the next. I think keeping busy, and having your mind occupied is very good, but of course, sometimes the rumination is just overwhelming, and I guess that's what therapy and meds will help with. I guess it's a matter of degree. Sounds like yours is a bit overwhelming.Jazzed
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 19, 2005, at 15:40:58
In reply to Re: It's called catastrophizing...., posted by sunny10 on May 19, 2005, at 14:58:25
are you saying i catastophize?
Posted by Tamar on May 19, 2005, at 17:14:37
In reply to How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination?, posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 14:13:37
Gosh, it sounds as if you’re having a horrible time with all the worrying.
I sometimes go through similar worrying about everything, and often it’s because I’m so worried about one thing that I worry about everything else as well.
I wonder if part of the problem is that you don’t have a solution to the problem of whether or not you will return to India. So because you don’t have an answer yet, you worry about all kinds of other things that might be simpler to solve.
I was struck by your comment in another post that you were already in the US before you married your husband. I’d always imagined that you’d married him in India and come together to the US, with the plan to return. But somehow the fact that you were already here sheds a different light on it. You were already making your own life, and then when you got married your range of choices was restricted.
So I’m wondering why you agreed to return to India after marriage, when you’d previously decided to make your life in the US. Was it just to please your husband?
It sounds to me as if finding a solution to the question of whether to return to India would provide you with relief from all of your other worrying. Of course, that’s the hardest thing to decide, and maybe it’s hard to focus on that all the time, since it’s such a huge problem.
Have you talked to your parents about the question of returning to India? What does your dad say about it, since he was the person who encouraged you to go to the US? Or do you feel that part of the reason you don't want to return to India is the proximity to your parents?
Sorry I don’t have any answers for you... but here are some hugs.
(((((pinkeye)))))
Posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:09:43
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination?, posted by rainbowbrite on May 19, 2005, at 14:52:02
Don't worry about what you write here. It makes lot of sense. Thanks
I also find that my worrying is very bad if I am alone, and have nothing else to do. Then I constantly worry about everything. I get a headache usually.. and nights are the worst.
Posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:10:01
In reply to Re: It's called catastrophizing...., posted by sunny10 on May 19, 2005, at 14:58:25
yeah. I think I do the same. Wonder how to stop it though?
Posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:10:55
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination?, posted by Jazzed on May 19, 2005, at 15:35:48
Mine is way too overwhelming. It has been this way for a long time. Better some time, then worse, then better some time. But these past few months have been really bad.
Posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:18:53
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 19, 2005, at 17:14:37
I agreed to go back to India I guess because I was feeling very lonely here. And my hsuband's condition for hte marriage was that. I agreed thinking he would change his mind.
But it is not specific to this India/US. I have been this way for a long time even before this whole India/US issue came into play. I wonder how I survived all these years. The past two years, when I had my exT, it was some consolation. I wanted to be well veyr much, and I kind of managed to stop worrying. Now that he is gone, I am back to what I was before. Only now I realize things myself.
I am extensive worrier. I worry about all things. Today I saw star wars - the latest release, and I was worrying what if I become bad like Annaken one day. All very stupid things.. but I worry anyway.
I think I was extremely confused as a child.. I was the guinea pig for my dad in lots of things. HE threw all his ideas on me, without realizing if it was appropriate for my age. I was taught about all unwanted things way too early.. When I was 10 - 11, I knew about politics, philosophy, and so many different things. And I think I just accumulated so much of unwanted information over the years, and I don't know how to make sense out of it all. I have tried my best to make a meaningful view of life, but it is overwhelming with the amount of information that I have. And my husband is into a religious cult, so now I have to deal with two extremely conflicting views. And I am caught in the middle and don't know what to make out of what.
Sometimes I think I will die pretty young.. with so much of confusion and contradictions and worries.
And I am so scared of my health.. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and they treated me with lot of experimental drugs, and the possible side effects listed scared the sh*t out of me. I was also all alone in the US while I was taking these medicines, and I was really scared to death. So that is how my fear of illness started.
Posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:29:42
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:18:53
And I am really so very scared of everything. Extremely scared. I don't know how I manage to go on so much. Somehow I have some logical strength and that saves me. Otherwise, with all these emotional problems, I would have died long back.
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 19, 2005, at 19:38:28
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » rainbowbrite, posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:09:43
Thanks pinkeye.
it sounds really awful to be hounded by thoughts constantly, i may not understand it fully, mine really isnt that constant it happens only when people are really sick and i worry about thier health or during finals.
But when it does happen I do really find that keeping myself occupied is hugely helpful. i think talking to yourself and reassuring yourself that what you are worrying about is not worth your time can be helpful. You know?
i think in part, we need to take things less seriously. Its not that easy but if you reduce the value that you place on things it helps to see them as less important therfore less need to worry about. just my thoughts from what I experiecne but try that self-talk. What i try to think is tha twe are here once, enjoy it while we are. Why worry about what otehrs think etc, when there are things we still havent done or seen in life. I cant believe i just said that. Also reassuring yourself that you haev control and you are in control of your life. i dont think there is an easy answer, I think it lies in accepting ourselves as who we are and feeling fullfilled.i hope things get easier
((pinkeye))
Posted by Jazzed on May 19, 2005, at 19:41:32
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:18:53
> I agreed to go back to India I guess because I was feeling very lonely here. And my hsuband's condition for hte marriage was that. I agreed thinking he would change his mind.
>
> But it is not specific to this India/US. I have been this way for a long time even before this whole India/US issue came into play. I wonder how I survived all these years. The past two years, when I had my exT, it was some consolation. I wanted to be well veyr much, and I kind of managed to stop worrying. Now that he is gone, I am back to what I was before. Only now I realize things myself.
>
> I am extensive worrier. I worry about all things. Today I saw star wars - the latest release, and I was worrying what if I become bad like Annaken one day. All very stupid things.. but I worry anyway.
>
> I think I was extremely confused as a child.. I was the guinea pig for my dad in lots of things. HE threw all his ideas on me, without realizing if it was appropriate for my age. I was taught about all unwanted things way too early.. When I was 10 - 11, I knew about politics, philosophy, and so many different things. And I think I just accumulated so much of unwanted information over the years, and I don't know how to make sense out of it all. I have tried my best to make a meaningful view of life, but it is overwhelming with the amount of information that I have. And my husband is into a religious cult, so now I have to deal with two extremely conflicting views. And I am caught in the middle and don't know what to make out of what.
>
> Sometimes I think I will die pretty young.. with so much of confusion and contradictions and worries.
>
> And I am so scared of my health.. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and they treated me with lot of experimental drugs, and the possible side effects listed scared the sh*t out of me. I was also all alone in the US while I was taking these medicines, and I was really scared to death. So that is how my fear of illness started.
This is all so sad, and I am so sad for you. I can understand what a hopeless feeling you have at times, with all the valid reasons you have to worry - the state of your health and marriage, whether you will stay here, and then the cult. Are you with another therapist now, or can you get with another one? Would meds help? I think it's very good that you are able to get online and talk it out.Jazzed
Posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 21:38:14
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » pinkeye, posted by Jazzed on May 19, 2005, at 19:41:32
Thanks Jazzed.
Many times I feel too overwhelmed.. and think what is the point in living like this. But then I somehow seem to be able to go on.
Posted by Jazzed on May 20, 2005, at 6:08:38
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » Jazzed, posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 21:38:14
> Thanks Jazzed.
> Many times I feel too overwhelmed.. and think what is the point in living like this. But then I somehow seem to be able to go on.I am SO sorry that you get to feeling this way. I have been there, so I do understand. I hope you can find a T you can trust to help you get through all the stuggles.
Jazzed
Posted by sunny10 on May 20, 2005, at 12:06:58
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » pinkeye, posted by Jazzed on May 20, 2005, at 6:08:38
I'm telling you that my T calls what I do catastrophizing when I make mountains out of molehills...It's when you take a little bit of "knowledge" and go to the "what if" extremes- sometimes leading to thoughts of physical harm to me or my loved ones or even death.
For instance, my son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 4. He was put on Ritalin. After doing a little reading on the subject, I became convinced that his life was ruined, that he'd never have a normal life. That he'd never succeed in school. That his peers would hate him. That if I missed a single dose of his medication, he would be so impulsive that when he ran towards the street next time, I wouldn't be able to stop him in time and it would be my fault that he got out into the middle of the street and was killed.
THAT's catastrophizing...If your actual problems are much bigger than mine, you may not be catastrophizing...you may just be anxious over problems that anyone would be anxious over...I don't know that.
You stated what type of thinking you were doing, but not exactly to the extent you do it...
The "type of thinking" is called catastrophizing, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are a catastrophizer....
I happen to do it to the extreme... Thus the dx of Generalized Anxiety Disorder...
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 20, 2005, at 17:08:49
In reply to Re: no, rainbowbrite..., posted by sunny10 on May 20, 2005, at 12:06:58
Ok that makes sense. im sure I do it too. :-)
Posted by JenStar on May 22, 2005, at 13:18:54
In reply to How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination?, posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 14:13:37
Pinkeye,
you just listed out my life! I am the SAME way. I am a chronic worrier. I worry that every twitch means MS or Lou Gehrig's disease; headaches naturally mean stroke or brain tumor; blurry vision is not "eye goobers" but rather rare blinding diseases. I have heart problems, fertility problems, and 50 kinds of cancer on a routine basis (in my head.) Ironically, although I do have SOME real issues, most of them are imagined. But that does not change the intense worry, fear, and agonizing that accompany each one. I'm sure that I'm shortening my life span with such excessive worrying!I wish I had advice. For me, I seem to do better when I'm busy - working, doing fun hobbies, spending time with family. Not busy to the point of extreme stress, but busy to the point where I get involved and intent on something other than my health. Things that involve concentation seem to help - reading, interpreting, thinking, etc. Talking to friends and going out on a regular basis, as well as working out / exercise daily, seem to help a LOT. I think exercise really helps me!
I have accepted the fact that I'm just a worrier, although that sounds a lot more benign than it really is.
Do you exercise? Have hobbies?
Of course, I"m now taking Lex 10 mg/day and occasional Xanax to help deal with the anxiety, too. Not sure that's working.
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on May 22, 2005, at 13:24:12
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » pinkeye, posted by JenStar on May 22, 2005, at 13:18:54
People always tell me to "relax" and "stop thinking the worst," as if it were that easy for me to stop doing it. I believe and understand that I probably CAN help stop these thoughts that zoom round and 'round in my head, but it's very hard. Sometimes the obsessive thoughts control me and it's very hard to think of other things. My doctor said that people with obsessive thoughts like this are akin to people with "obsessive compulsive disorder", except we don't do routines over and over. I never do "things" like wash my hands a million times, recite things, etc. That's not an issue. For me, it's the intrusive thoughts of illness, fear of bad events happening, etc.
THe doc said that it may be something out of whack in the chemical messengers in the brain, and that people who have obsessive thoughts and anxiety often respond well to drugs like those for depression, like Celexa, Lexapro, Prozac, etc. Not everyone is helped by the drugs, but some are.
Of course, many people suggest things like meditation, yoga, tai chi, bio-feedback, and other mental relaxation techniques. I wish I was good at any one of those. I think it would be cool to be able to control my anxiety without medication.
JenStar
Posted by pinkeye on May 22, 2005, at 17:46:27
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » JenStar, posted by JenStar on May 22, 2005, at 13:24:12
I am perfectly in sync with you.. Exact same issue here as well. If I knew how to stop these thoughts, I would have done it myself right :-)
I do have a mild OCD - same as you, only obsessive and anxious thoughts, but no actions. But I don't take any medication. I try to do some repeated mantra chanting.. but not regularly. Maybe yoga or meditation might help.
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