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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by namaste on May 12, 2005, at 21:37:57
I am confused. i thought Ts have unconditional positive regard? I am annoying I guess sometimes but i feel so ungrounded when she gets annoyed at me. Maybe Ts can react?maybe it is a learning it is not in an unkind way, once my T even apologized when she felt it was unfair. Does this make any sense?
Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2005, at 22:05:00
In reply to I annoy my T, posted by namaste on May 12, 2005, at 21:37:57
Do you only annoy her sometimes? Or all the time?
If it's only sometimes, I'd see it as a learning experience. My therapist readily admits to being "frustrated" with me sometimes. But he has also admitted that "frustrated" is his euphemism for angry. He also reminds me that while he gets angry with me sometimes, it doesn't ruin our relationship. And he's generally over being angry by the next session. That not only doesn't the expression of anger ruin a relationship, but that sometimes it makes it stronger.
Besides, I don't know about you, but I do know that *I* am sometimes annoying, and being annoyed is a rather natural reaction. His regard for me as a person might be positive, but that doesn't mean he finds my actions universally pleasing.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 12, 2005, at 22:41:19
In reply to I annoy my T, posted by namaste on May 12, 2005, at 21:37:57
> I am confused. i thought Ts have unconditional positive regard?
Hmm.
If God was a therapist, perhaps...
They are only human.
It is a human response to feel annoyed sometimes.
But therapists should know enough about emotional responses so that they manage to refrain from judging you or blaming you for their emotional responses.>I am annoying I guess sometimes
Just because your t feels annoyed with you doesn't mean that you are annoying.
Maybe what you are picking up on is that she is blaming or judging you for her feelings? She shouldn't be doing that...
OTOH there are some behaviours that most people find annoying. It is probably useful to learn what those things are. Then one has a choice whether one wants to (a) continue the behaviours and accept the fact that most people will feel annoyed in response. or (b) choose to change the behaviour.
But that is YOUR choice
Not hers.I'm just trying to say that sometimes it might be useful (theraputic) for a t to show the client that they feel annoyed.
But the judging / blaming part is just not fair.
They should be above that.
Posted by Susan47 on May 14, 2005, at 12:51:29
In reply to Re: I annoy my T » namaste, posted by alexandra_k on May 12, 2005, at 22:41:19
I don't think it's useful for a therapist to be angry even for one session, or annoyed, it should be something s/he observes in themself, then processes it, maybe for later, and continues on with you. If a therapist's upset or annoyed by a client for even a whole session and doesn't have it resolved by the next time, that person should be seeking his or her own counsellor for help. That's a huge problem with therapists who don't self-check and know how to help themselves. I was incredibly angry with my ex-therapist for saying he never sought out therapy. Furious, in fact, I thought, "You hypocrite. How can you do that to your "patients"?" (he liked to call us that). I knew he was in deeper than he could handle after a particularly sweaty handshake, one he was reluctant to give. But he didn't help himself when he needed it, and he let both of us down. I know therapists are only human, don't anyone tell me that, but they need to recognize that, not us: we shouldn't have to look out for ourselves at the same time that we're being extremely vulnerable, seeking help from someone who claims to be able to help us.
Posted by Poet on May 14, 2005, at 13:36:08
In reply to I annoy my T, posted by namaste on May 12, 2005, at 21:37:57
Hi Namaste,
I know I annoy my T, she doesn't say she's annoyed or angry, but that I am *not easy to work with.*
It's okay for your T to be annoyed, it's not okay if she expresses it unkindly and hurts you.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on May 14, 2005, at 14:11:31
In reply to Re: I annoy my T » namaste, posted by Poet on May 14, 2005, at 13:36:08
An important distinction.
Posted by fallsfall on May 14, 2005, at 20:48:13
In reply to I annoy my T, posted by namaste on May 12, 2005, at 21:37:57
Has she told you that she is annoyed? Or are you concluding this based on how you see her acting towards you?
I have gone through long stretches when I was convinced that my therapist was angry at me. But when we really talked about it, he insisted that he wasn't. So, at least for me, sometimes I read them wrong.
Posted by namaste on May 15, 2005, at 21:23:38
In reply to Re: I annoy my T » namaste, posted by fallsfall on May 14, 2005, at 20:48:13
> Has she told you that she is annoyed? Or are you concluding this based on how you see her acting towards you?
>
> I have gone through long stretches when I was convinced that my therapist was angry at me. But when we really talked about it, he insisted that he wasn't. So, at least for me, sometimes I read them wrong.Yeah, she said she was annoyed, we worked it out but i guess I wish she would make a promise to never be annoyed by me again!!! strange thought i guess. it is never unkind and makes the alliance stronger but it is somehow scary.Trying to put it in words... It is my behavior not me i know but ...I after session then start to feel needy, like I say ungrounded. i need her to cope with my turbulent life, i got issues! i am confused but i guess what babblers are saying is it is something that happens and if not done in a hurful way could be a learning. i guess i got to talk to my t or do I? Thanks.
Posted by Dinah on May 15, 2005, at 21:28:10
In reply to Re: I annoy my T, posted by namaste on May 15, 2005, at 21:23:38
Posted by namaste on May 15, 2005, at 21:47:43
In reply to Always :) (the anwer to whether to talk to T) (nm) » namaste, posted by Dinah on May 15, 2005, at 21:28:10
so much work,so hard I know it will be ok after we talk like always but the problem is in me!Feel like such a sick puppy sometimes. Thanks for your help.
Posted by antigua on May 17, 2005, at 10:42:24
In reply to Re: I annoy my T » namaste, posted by Poet on May 14, 2005, at 13:36:08
I can't imagine you would be difficult to work with. I was surprised you said that, but if you are difficult, maybe it means you're trusting and letting out things, and that's good.
I'm not hitting on your T; I'm just trying to say something nice to you. I'd work with you anytime!
antigua
Posted by Jazzed on May 17, 2005, at 20:15:00
In reply to I annoy my T, posted by namaste on May 12, 2005, at 21:37:57
> I am confused. i thought Ts have unconditional positive regard? I am annoying I guess sometimes but i feel so ungrounded when she gets annoyed at me. Maybe Ts can react?maybe it is a learning it is not in an unkind way, once my T even apologized when she felt it was unfair. Does this make any sense?
If my therapist (I don't currently have one) told me they were annoyed with me, I'd turn the tables on them, and ask if that comment was useful to me. I think to tell someone their annoyed with them isn't really very productive. Hash out the issues yes, but just make that comment, no.Jazzed
Posted by Poet on May 17, 2005, at 21:58:01
In reply to Re: I annoy my T » Poet, posted by antigua on May 17, 2005, at 10:42:24
Hi Antigua,
I really am difficult to work with, but I'll let you work with me anytime. But you've been warned.
I am having feeling safe issues again in therapy (see thread Why I Don't Feel Safe...) but bit by bit I am trusting her more. Those baby steps sure are tiny.
I'm glad you're posting again.
Poet
Posted by antigua on May 18, 2005, at 10:12:37
In reply to Re: I annoy my T, posted by namaste on May 15, 2005, at 21:23:38
Posted by paxvox on May 26, 2005, at 22:08:08
In reply to Re: Always :) (the anwer to whether to talk to T), posted by namaste on May 15, 2005, at 21:47:43
Whoa Nelly! Is the long lost one back amongst the living? Please say it's so!
Pax
Posted by namaste on May 26, 2005, at 22:42:34
In reply to Namaste? Is it REALLY you?, posted by paxvox on May 26, 2005, at 22:08:08
> Whoa Nelly! Is the long lost one back amongst the living? Please say it's so!
>
>
> PaxWell I am that. I am breathing. Who am I? Thank you for your post. May you be free from harm. namaste
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