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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 13, 2005, at 12:16:38
Bathroom Stuff!
Ugh!
Anyone else have "issues" with public bathrooms?
Here's the thing:
Within the next several months, my job is going to be transferring me to our other office. I'm not looking forward to it at all, but my immediate/biggest concern is the bathroom situation. Where I work now, it's private; one stall, which I am relatively okay with. Where I'm going has about 3-4 stalls and I am completely freaking out!I did bring this up with my T, but I am too embarrassed to even talk about it! :(
It's not like I'm worrying about germs... I'm fearful of the vulnerability, the noise, ugh I don't even know! I can't "go" when people are in there with me; I just can't. And I never use anyones bathroom when I go over their house; strangely, that is when I prefer the public bathroom.
I went out to eat with a friend recently and afterwards we were going back to her house. I had to go to the bathroom, and she knows about my "thing". So I asked her not to come with me (like we women usually do, lol). She told me I could wait till we got back to her house and go there (thinking it'd be easier for me). But somehow for me, that was worse! Like then you will really know what I am doing! I was raised to be so embarrassed by "normal" bodily functions, that I would actually deny that I do such things. (And yes I've tried to do this when I was younger.) Oh and forget about when I have my period, or tummy troubles. (sorry, tmi) Lordy, I am going to give myself an anxiety attack just thinking about it!
Even when I am going to T appts, sometimes I have to go. Rather than use her nice, clean, pretty, private, bathroom (her office is in her house and has a bathroom); I stop at a fast food place along the way and use the bathroom there! Only two stalls which would normally be a problem, but fortunately there's never been anyone in there yet! But strange how I prefer that.
Yet, I can go to a MLB Baseball game where there's like 30 stalls, and I am okay because I feel like I blend in!! (So the 3 stalls at this new office location is totally freaking me out!)
It's so weird, yet has me completely freaking out because I have to resolve this before I move my office, but I don't know how when I cant even seem to talk about it with my therapist.
Please please please, can anyone relate, shed some light, anything?
(a very scared and sad) ~LGL
Posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 12:39:01
In reply to Embarrassing Topic, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 13, 2005, at 12:16:38
That's not at all unusual. I'd be very surprised if your therapist hasn't heard it many times before. You won't shock him at all. It's particularly common in men, I hear.
I'd go ahead and talk to him about it. Sometimes just talking about it lessens the fear. Plus I believe there are specific cognitive behavior treatments for it.
I've got a different issue with public toilets having to do with my fear of vomit, and my mother telling me never ever to sit on a public toilet. (I only went once in kindergarten. My teacher called my mother about it.) But I've talked to my therapist about it, relatively early on in therapy. He wasn't shocked or disgusted.
Posted by anastasia56 on May 13, 2005, at 15:19:28
In reply to Re: Embarrassing Topic » LittleGirlLost, posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 12:39:01
not unusual as dinah said...i also dislike public toilets. It's the germs for me and the sounds and the smells. I find flushing the toilet a lot when I'm in there goes a long way to cover sounds.
ana
Posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2005, at 0:34:15
In reply to Re: Embarrassing Topic, posted by anastasia56 on May 13, 2005, at 15:19:28
I put a fair bit of toilet paper into the bowl first - wasteful maybe, but it dampens the sound quite a lot.
I'm alright about number ones
But only do number twos at home...
But sometimes I have a tummy upset - anyway, I won't go there, but yeah, I don't like having to do that.I think most people are a little funny about bathrooms.
My flat has two toilet stalls and handbasins. My home bathroom is kind of like a public bathroom.. Yuk.
Basically if someone else comes in you just sit there quietly and hope they go away pronto. They tend to. It has kind of become flat etiquette.
Posted by Poet on May 14, 2005, at 13:52:47
In reply to Embarrassing Topic, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 13, 2005, at 12:16:38
Hi LittleGirlLost,
I have major issues with public restrooms. I have to have an end stall. If someone enters the stall next to me, I can't go until she's left the bathroom. Sometimes I can't go at all and my husband doesn't get that I need to go home right away. Why do you have to go again? Didn't you go at the restaurant...movie theatre...?
My T's office building has two stalls- okay so far, nobody has ever been in there at the same time as me. I'm terrified that she will come in when I am in there. She only has two pairs of shoes and I know them well...but that's another fear issue.
I've never felt that I needed to talk about my bathroom issues with her, but if you think you need to I don't think your T will feel it is unusual. Public bathrooms can be dirty and smelly, two good reasons not to want to use them.
Hiding in the end stall, waiting to be all alone,
Poet
Posted by JenStar on May 14, 2005, at 20:24:09
In reply to Embarrassing Topic, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 13, 2005, at 12:16:38
I think this problem is actually pretty common! And I do understand. Letting someone hear your f**ts and sh**ts is actually kind of intimate, in a gross way. I think we're a bit vulnerable when we're "going" so psychologically we don't want to be exposed to others. And then there's the whole Western tradition of finding ANY bodily function, including sex, "icky", and setting up society accordingly!
I used to have the same problem. I could not go if there was any other person in the bathroom. I'd sit in the stall like poet and wait, even 10 minutes, until they left. Sometimes I'd cringe in embarrassment and almost cry, certain that they thought I was weird, knew what I was doing, etc.
But now I don't care. I f*8rt with wild abandon! I wish I could offer advice on how I got over it, but I don't even know. I guess I just decided to force myself to go, because other people did it, and I was sick of stopping at 3 restrooms and waiting 10 minutes. The first few times it was agonizing, but it got better. Right now I think I'd still be uncomfortable if my boss was in the next stall, or an "important" person I was trying to impress. I'm with you - it doens't matter as much with strangers and 100 stalls!
I think you should talk to your T about it. Hopefully they can help. I know there are lots of other people who struggle with this, so hopefully he could offer advice.
good luck!
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on May 14, 2005, at 20:27:47
In reply to Re: Embarrassing Topic » LittleGirlLost, posted by JenStar on May 14, 2005, at 20:24:09
Right now, I'm more afraid of getting a disease from public toilets. Have you seen how gross some people are? I mean, did you even TRY to hit the hole? When I lived in NYC, I would often see shoe prints on the seat. Many people, esp. immigrants, would squat on top of the seat and go - thus the prints & piddle all over.
Right now, my routine it to put down several toilet protectors if they have them. I usually also make a gigantic wad of TP and wipe off the front of the toilet first, where there are drips of pee and mentrual residue (yes, gross), of course not touching it with any fingers. Then I put down the protectors and feel that I'm reasonably protected against other people's bad hygiene. But I get irritated every time I have to do this...why are public toilets so gross? Men have it sooo easy!
Jen (maybe they should pay me to help wipe off those seats) Star
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 16, 2005, at 11:46:11
In reply to Re: Embarrassing Topic, posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2005, at 0:34:15
> I put a fair bit of toilet paper into the bowl first - wasteful maybe, but it dampens the sound quite a lot.
Oooh I've never heard/thought of that. Thanks! I'll have to try it.
> I'm alright about number ones
> But only do number twos at home...
> But sometimes I have a tummy upset - anyway, I won't go there, but yeah, I don't like having to do that.Yeah I have problems with both, but number 2 definitely if i'm in public. At work now, even though it's a private bathroom; I still usually can't. Fortunately I live close enough that I can run home if I have to. Where I'm transferring to, I won't have that option.
> I think most people are a little funny about bathrooms.
>
> My flat has two toilet stalls and handbasins. My home bathroom is kind of like a public bathroom.. Yuk.
>
> Basically if someone else comes in you just sit there quietly and hope they go away pronto. They tend to. It has kind of become flat etiquette.That's pretty cool what you describe. Are you from Europe?
Thanks for the input!
~LGL
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 16, 2005, at 11:57:23
In reply to Re: Embarrassing Topic » LittleGirlLost, posted by Poet on May 14, 2005, at 13:52:47
> My T's office building has two stalls- okay so far, nobody has ever been in there at the same time as me. I'm terrified that she will come in when I am in there. She only has two pairs of shoes and I know them well...but that's another fear issue.
OMG! Peeing with strangers is hard enough, I cannot imagine T being in there... I'd die! I cannot even go in her house/office bathroom!
> I've never felt that I needed to talk about my bathroom issues with her, but if you think you need to I don't think your T will feel it is unusual. Public bathrooms can be dirty and smelly, two good reasons not to want to use them.I mean I don't really want to talk about it at all; it just to the point where it interferes majorly in my life. I've always been able to work around it, but the day I found out my job was transferring me, I immediately freaked out, and it was mainly because of the bathroom thing.
Oh this is so embarrassing. :(
~LGL
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 16, 2005, at 15:57:50
In reply to Re: Embarrassing Topic » LittleGirlLost, posted by JenStar on May 14, 2005, at 20:24:09
> I think we're a bit vulnerable when we're "going" so psychologically we don't want to be exposed to others. And then there's the whole Western tradition of finding ANY bodily function, including sex, "icky", and setting up society accordingly!
Yes! Exactly.
> I used to have the same problem. I could not go if there was any other person in the bathroom. I'd sit in the stall like poet and wait, even 10 minutes, until they left. Sometimes I'd cringe in embarrassment and almost cry, certain that they thought I was weird, knew what I was doing, etc.
I know what you mean, but then I also worry about what people think... like why is that person just sitting in there for so long!?! Oh gosh I am so easily embarrassed and I worry about what everyone thinks! Especially when I think that these are going to be my colleagues, not just strangers, so it makes this even more difficult.
> But now I don't care. I f*8rt with wild abandon!
LOL I love it! I'll try and think about you when I'm in that situation again. :)
>I guess I just decided to force myself to go, because other people did it,
I think that line is key and I should tell myself that over and over. Why am I so embarrassed? EVERYBODY does it!
>Right now I think I'd still be uncomfortable if my boss was in the next stall, or an "important" person I was trying to impress. I'm with you - it doens't matter as much with strangers and 100 stalls!
Oh yes, I'd die if it were my boss, my T, or anyone important or that I want to impress. Or I can never just go with friends either; I always have to go alone. I also have a hard time even with strangers, although a place with other noises and lots of stalls is a LITTLE easier.
> I think you should talk to your T about it. Hopefully they can help. I know there are lots of other people who struggle with this, so hopefully he could offer advice.Thanks... I'm embarrassed as heck, but I think I may have to.
~LGL
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