![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
How do you address your therapists? By their first name or as Dr so and so? If they are not medical professionals?
Posted by daisym on September 23, 2004, at 13:59:12
In reply to How do you address your therapists?, posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
By his first name. He is a Psychologist.
Hmm...he is working on a PhD, wonder if he'll want the "Dr. Firstname" then...
Posted by vwoolf on September 23, 2004, at 14:04:22
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists?, posted by daisym on September 23, 2004, at 13:59:12
I've reached the point where I use first names for them all. I'm the same age or older than many of the professionals I consult, so if they use my first name, I use theirs.
I'm not sure they all like it, but I suppose it is one of the advantages of my age.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 23, 2004, at 14:14:05
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists?, posted by vwoolf on September 23, 2004, at 14:04:22
I use "Dr. Lastname". He's a Phd clinical psychologist. I like formality a lot and winced when the social worker I was seeing before him wanted me to call her by her fistname as opposed to "Ms. Lastname."
He calls me by my first name.
Posted by mair on September 23, 2004, at 14:28:13
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists?, posted by vwoolf on September 23, 2004, at 14:04:22
I'm with you. I want them to call me by my first name, and it would then seem too unbalanced if I had to use a last name. This is, afterall, supposed to be an intimate relationship, at least if you're in longer term therapy like I am. I can't see opening up to someone with whom I felt that level of formality.
...And while my last therapist/pdoc was quite a bit older than me, I'm older than both my current T and my current pdoc.
Posted by morning*bell on September 23, 2004, at 15:24:44
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists? » vwoolf, posted by mair on September 23, 2004, at 14:28:13
By her first name. I didn't know what to do in the beginning, but she kept making it obvious it was okay to do so. After time I felt comfortable enough to do it face to face
Posted by Annierose on September 23, 2004, at 15:29:54
In reply to How do you address your therapists?, posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
I rarely have need to call her by name, but if I do, I do refer to her as Dr. ...., but if I write her a note, I'll write, "Dear first name". She always refers to me via my first name. She has never requested to be addressed a certain way.
Another question, I have a hard time looking around the office. I am almost frozen looking at a certain book on a bookshelf or at her. I do not let my gaze wander around, appearing nosey. Any thoughts?
Posted by Aphrodite on September 23, 2004, at 16:00:32
In reply to How do you address your therapists?, posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
Dr. First Name. Casual yet formal.
Posted by Dinah on September 23, 2004, at 16:10:30
In reply to How do you address your therapists?, posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
He says if I use his name (first name) it means I'm about to say something really important.
It was once a therapy goal but seems to have fallen by the wayside.
Posted by Racer on September 23, 2004, at 16:29:45
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists? » pinkeye, posted by Aphrodite on September 23, 2004, at 16:00:32
My therapists I address by first name, but the pdocs are more problematic. My general policy, with doctors and with veterinarians, is to address those I most respect as "Dr FirstName", and the rest by their first names. For some reason, though, I have a harder time addressing pdocs this way.
It doesn't help that Dr EyeCandy was one of those uptight, fussy sorts who would have have to change his pants had I addressed him as either Dr Beloved or simply Beloved. (Yes, for those of you who care, that *does* tell you what his real first name is. For those of you who don't know, it's the meaning of his real, honest to goodness first name, the one that appears on the real birth certificate that doesn't read "EyeCandy" for his last name. It is not made up, and has no deeper meaning for me.) In fact, the only reason I know his first name at all is from looking him up by last name at the AMA website.
Pdocs in general, though, somehow don't fit into the same catagory as the other doctors for me. I think it's because the relationship is so different. Maybe because I don't have to get naked around them, or because I always feel as if I walk in there as the pathetic patient, rather than an injured or sick organism? Or maybe it's because there's no physical contact? Or maybe it's just shame at mental illness? Whatever it is, I think I do tend to call them by their last names -- and to resent that a bit.
Generally, though, I'm with vwoolf -- if they call me by my first name, I want that equality. Unless, by the way, they are considerably older than I, or they strike me as being particularly good at what they do, in which case I use their last names as a sign of respect for their age and/or skill.
With Dr EyeCandy, though, by about March of this year -- after six months of problems there -- I had a hard time resisting the very strong urge to request that he address me by my own honorific. If he gets to be Dr EyeCandy, I should be Mrs X. (What? You didn't know my full name was Racer X?)
As for the non-pdocs, by the way, a lot of them have figured out over the years that Dr FirstName is a sign of high respect from me. I think because only the sort of people who would recognize that point are the sort who earn that from me. And I will leave any doctor who objects to the use of first names.
(A friend of mine with a doctorate insists that doctors call him Dr MyFriend. He also refuses to undress unless he believes it's necessary. I'm just glad I'm not his doctor, because he's got to be a pain in the sit-upon, huh?)
Sorry for going into such detail...
Posted by antigua on September 23, 2004, at 16:57:53
In reply to How do you address your therapists?, posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
I address mine by her first name(both Ts); pdoc as Dr. LastName (I've only met him once so I'm not comfortable w/anything else; will probably stick w/Dr. XX.)
Funny thing is my regular T calls me by my nickname that I quit using as a grownup. It's a little girl's name, which only my closest family still uses and maybe two of my closest friends. Hmm, maybe there's something to that... I'm certain I didn't introduce myself that way when I first met her.
antigua
Posted by Klokka on September 23, 2004, at 17:16:39
In reply to How do you address your therapists?, posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
I see a pdoc for therapy and have always addressed him as Dr. LastName, since that's how I first heard of him and he never specified how I should address him (but I suspect he'd be uncomfortable with anything else.) I don't really care much either way, though, especially since about the only time I actually need to use his name is in dealing with reception.
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 23, 2004, at 17:17:49
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists?, posted by antigua on September 23, 2004, at 16:57:53
Him: "first name". Me: "hi" or "you". Analysis is such an intimate experience that "Dr. ********" seems much too formal but, at the same time it somehow doesn't feel respectful to call him by his first name, either (we are roughly contemporary in age). So far, this has worked out all right, I think.
Posted by just plain jane on September 23, 2004, at 17:46:54
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists? » antigua, posted by Pfinstegg on September 23, 2004, at 17:17:49
Every therapist I've ever been to was referred to by staff by their first or first and last names. I called them by their first names.
Pdocs are doctors, yeah, but they're still equals as people. If I get the stuffy bit from one, I tell them if they have a problem relating with me I can arrange to see someone else, or are they just nervous? (lol)
It's been said I am a little bit irreverent.
Yeh.
If someone considers themself above me, they won't be able to comprehend what I am all about, so, to the hot place with 'em.So... "Hello, Dr. So&so, nice to meet you. Please, call me Jane, and I'll call you BillyBob."
just plain jane
jpj
Posted by Poet on September 23, 2004, at 18:12:29
In reply to How do you address your therapists?, posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
I usually call my therapist by her first name. Though, once I got mad at her and snapped out *yes, Little Miss Bubbles in the Air." She liked it and said it's okay to call her that. She is serious, it's kind of nice to have a special name that only I call her, kind of endearing.
I don't think Pdoc would appreciate being called Dr. Van Freud which is what I call him behind his back. I haven't addressed him by name, which is good as I'd hate for that one to slip out. I doubt if he'd find it endearing.
Poet
Posted by shrinking violet on September 23, 2004, at 18:25:06
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists?, posted by Poet on September 23, 2004, at 18:12:29
I rarely have occasion to verbally use names in conversation with anyone (not sure why, just not something I do), and I actually almost cringe when others throw my name into conversations.
I address my T by her first name; she's a clinical social worker. I remember at first, I wasn't sure whether to call her Ms. LastName, or what. I forget how I knew it was OK to use her first name....probably something she did, but I can't recall what it was. I'm glad though, because as someone else mentioned, it would feel way too odd to be so formal with someone I'm expected to be verbally intimate with. It's weird, but the salutation I use to address a letter or email to my T seems more meaningful than using her first name. I remember the very first email I sent to her, I used "Dear" FirstName, generally because that's the way I address correspondences. I eventually realized that she would use "Hello" or maybe "Hi" to address me in writing, and I realized that the use of "Dear" may be more meaningful to her than it was to me at the time. So, in the beginning, I would use "Hi" or "Hello" a lot. Then, as our relationship progressed and we became more familiar and close, she started to use "Dear" MyFirstName in certain correspondences, and I do the same with her (depending on the topic; sometimes it's "Dear," sometimes "Hi."). Maybe that's just weird? *lol*
I also call my nutritionist by her first name. My psych for meds and my medical doc (also part of my treatment team), I address them by "Dr. LastName." My T might refer to them by first name in conversation with me, as she knows them very well, but I try to respect the "Dr." status and call them as such, unless they say otherwise.
Sorry....another too-long response. *sigh*
Posted by daisym on September 23, 2004, at 18:36:05
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists?, posted by Racer on September 23, 2004, at 16:29:45
I've missed your long posts. I was laughing even before I read the damn thing!
Keep going into detail. It makes my day.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 23, 2004, at 18:42:31
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists?, posted by daisym on September 23, 2004, at 13:59:12
> By his first name. He is a Psychologist.
>
> Hmm...he is working on a PhD, wonder if he'll want the "Dr. Firstname" then...
Interesting. In my state, by law you can not call yourself a "psychologist" if you are not licensed by the state as such. And that means completing your doctorate and post-doc hours.Sometimes it feels like when Pat Reilly (?) wanted to trademark "threepeat".
:-)
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 23, 2004, at 18:55:11
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists? » antigua, posted by Pfinstegg on September 23, 2004, at 17:17:49
> Him: "first name". Me: "hi" or "you". Analysis is such an intimate experience that "Dr. ********" seems much too formal but, at the same time it somehow doesn't feel respectful to call him by his first name, either (we are roughly contemporary in age). So far, this has worked out all right, I think.
I have this same dilemma. My T is a bit older than me, but feels like a contemporary because I seem to always gravitate toward older than me folks...probably a result of having to act like a little adult when I was a kid. Got praised for that kind of thing...
Anyway, he has never said what to call him. I was raised that you call elders and I suppose doctors by their last names unless they asked you to call them by first name. And actually, when I was about 12, I remember very clearly a new neighbor coming over and saying, "the kids can call me Barbara" and my mother saying "the kids will call you Mrs. _____". So it's a habit with me. I wish he would say call me [first name] although after a year, it would seem very weird indeed. It's actually the same with the faculty at school, although many of the younger ones are pretty good at giving you some kind of signal one way or another to what they prefer.
I have learned from this that I shoujld be explicit up front with clients about asking them what they would like to be called---almost all say first name---and then asking them or at least giving them permission to call me by first name. Of ocurse now that I read Miss Honeychurch's response, I may modify that to asking them what they would like to call me.
On a similar note, I didn't start calling my in-laws to be by their first names or as Mom and Pop until the month before the wedding when she finally said, GG you don't have to call us Mr. and Mrs. G. But they had never said anything before...so that's how strong the childhood influence has been.
On a similar note, I also am very uncomfortable with using anything or moving anything in his office. Yeah, I'll use kleenex, but that's it. There have been issues with coasters, distance, pillows, etc, that I just accept because it feels like his space and I "shouldn't touch". Yikes I guess my parents were pretty heavy handed with their rules.
gg
Posted by mair on September 23, 2004, at 20:24:47
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists? » Pfinstegg, posted by gardenergirl on September 23, 2004, at 18:55:11
How would you feel about a patient who kept calling you Ms. ____ or Mrs. ____ or, in the near future, Dr.______? I guess what I mean is how would it sound to you?
I was raised the same way in terms of how I addressed adults, but I want that familiarity with professionals I deal with. It sort of makes me feel like I'm on equal footing.
My T and I will sometimes talk about my former T/pdoc and she'll refer to him as Dr. so-and-so, although she's friendly enough with him to call him by his first name, and she knows I've always used his first name.
Mair
Posted by 10derHeart on September 23, 2004, at 20:49:35
In reply to How do you address your therapists?, posted by pinkeye on September 23, 2004, at 13:46:17
Neat thread...
My ex-T. was also my pdoc, so in writing emails and such, it was always "Dr. Lastname" I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, helped with boundries. And, my situation was in the military, so if not Dr., I would have used his rank. Funny this came up, he just emailed me post-therapy for the first time today (:))) < me grinning all day) and now uses "First Name__Last Name" . I like that-sort of a symbol of the shift in our circumstances and relationship.
I noticed him *graduating* (we never spoke about it) with me from "Rank Lastname", to Debra, to Debbie, to Deb the last month before we finished working together. I thought it was sweet and appropriate. (okay I revealed a bit there to illustrate a point, guess if he ever reads here I am SO busted....)
Posted by cubic_me on September 23, 2004, at 20:51:44
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists? » Pfinstegg, posted by gardenergirl on September 23, 2004, at 18:55:11
GG, it sounds like we were brought up with similar ideas about adressing people. I nearly always call people significantly older than me by their surname (Mrs... etc) unless they tell me otherwise, but I'm quite happy to be called by my first name by practically everyone (apart from random salesmen who phone up!). Perhaps it's part of me still feeling inferior or 'smaller' in some way.
Posted by 10derHeart on September 23, 2004, at 20:58:09
In reply to God, Racer » Racer, posted by daisym on September 23, 2004, at 18:36:05
Posted by Speaker on September 23, 2004, at 21:21:17
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists?, posted by Racer on September 23, 2004, at 16:29:45
From the first meeting the T addressed me by my first name. After a few weeks on the way out one day I asked him how he would like me to address him...he stated Dr. Lastname. It made me mad that he would address me by my first name without permission but when I was polite he requested the "DR". Soooooo, in my small rebellious way I have never addressed him! If I leave a message I just say this is Speaker and go into message. When face to face I just say Hi and in a year it has worked. I told him one time I was surprised he called me by my first name without asking. I asked if he always took that liberty when he requested being called Dr. and he said he never thought about it...I found that a bit pretentious
Posted by gardenergirl on September 23, 2004, at 21:22:10
In reply to Re: How do you address your therapists? » gardenergirl, posted by mair on September 23, 2004, at 20:24:47
I would hate it, being called so formally. I think that's why I always ask them to call me by my first name. But perhaps someone might be uncomfortable with that, so that's why I thought I'd ask them what they'd like to call me (as long as it's not T-b*tch or something.)
I realize there's a gap between my own preferences for myself and for others. One of those things I just need to get used to, I guess.
gg
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.