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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on May 23, 2009, at 22:49:58
I told my Mom I went to a bachelorette party and went to a sex workshop and bought a vibrator (not at the workshop though), and my Mom said I was "crazy" just like my Dad.
I told her probably 99.9% of men masturabte and probably like over 70% of women and she said of course men masturbate, that's why they rape women. ???
Why is my Mom so weird about sex? It sounds like she has never had an orgasm in her life. I offered her use of my vibrator and she said I was crazy and told me never to talk to anyone about this because Chinese people don't talk about sex.
I think she is wrong. I think it is just her. She is just weird about sex.
I don't even have sex and I am totally open about it.
I bought my first erotic book of short stories at the workshop. I hope it is good!
Posted by Deneb on May 23, 2009, at 23:04:34
In reply to My Mom is weird about sex, posted by Deneb on May 23, 2009, at 22:49:58
I found it is 95% of men who have masturabated and 89% of women.
I think it is a perfectly natural, fun and safe thing to do. I've done it ever since I can remember. LOL
I think I have some sexual side effects from meds though, but it is ok.
Posted by Deneb on May 24, 2009, at 1:17:34
In reply to Statistics are wrong, posted by Deneb on May 23, 2009, at 23:04:34
I wondered if my Mom was right about Chinese people thinking sex isn't for pleasure, is evil, etc.
I learned traditional Chinese culture is very conservative.
When my Mom grew up, she learned that women were not supposed to enjoy sex. Sex was only for married couples and it was not OK to talk about sex ever.
That is kind of sad, but I don't think I will be changing my Mom's views anytime soon.
I kind of feel that sex should be for committed couples too, but my Mom thinks women shouldn't even masturbate. What is wrong with that? Is it immoral? Clearly it is not about religion since my parents don't have a religion.
I am just glad I didn't grow up with shame about sex. I wonder how I escaped that?
Posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 12:54:25
In reply to My Mom is weird about sex, posted by Deneb on May 23, 2009, at 22:49:58
My mom told me how she did it.
Believe me, too open is just as bad as too repressed. I still have major issues with intrusive images of my mother...
Your mom believes what her experiences have taught her to believe. But she doesn't have a lock on the "truth" and I think you know that.
It might be respectful of you to not talk about sex to her if it makes her uncomfortable. She doesn't need to see the world through your eyes any more than you need to see the world through hers.
But being respectful merely means showing her respect and feeling respect for the fact that she is who she is, and she has valid reasons for being that way. It doesn't mean adopting her world view.
Your mother seems to have a rigid view of what being a young woman means. It may or may not have been adaptive to her situation when she was growing up. Certainly she does not seem happy with your father, and it seems odd to me that she would urge you to take the path she took.
But this doesn't mean that everything she says is wrong, any more than it means that everything she says is right. If you do find yourself discussing something with her, where you don't agree, would it be possible to focus on the areas where you do agree? Or where you see the sense in what she is saying, even if you see a different way to achieve the same goal?
Or do what I do with my mother. Change the topic to something that she hates talking about, and she'll find an excuse to get off the phone. Although that's probably not terribly respectful of me.
Posted by Deneb on May 24, 2009, at 19:01:59
In reply to Re: My Mom is weird about sex » Deneb, posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 12:54:25
I find it hard to get into other people's heads. I guess her world is very different from mine.
I didn't think of it that way, that her view is not all right or wrong and either is mine.
Sorry about being too open. I often don't know what is socially acceptable.
I am not some sex maniac by the way. For the longest time I thought I was asexual.
OK, I am going to shut up now before I make this worse.
Posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 19:59:19
In reply to That makes sense » Dinah, posted by Deneb on May 24, 2009, at 19:01:59
Oh, Deneb!
I didn't mean you were too open!
I'm pretty open myself, as I'm sure you know. I've got absolutely no problem talking about sex with anyone but my mother or father. Or brother possibly.
I meant it's possible to have a *mother* who is too open about her sex life. Picturing one's mother masturbating is enough to turn one off for life.
Posted by Deneb on May 24, 2009, at 20:09:19
In reply to Re: That makes sense » Deneb, posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 19:59:19
Oh OK. Yeah, I guess that would be a little weird.
The sex workshop was very informative. They used models of genitalia. The whole workshop didn't apply to me though since I don't have sex.
Posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 20:53:43
In reply to Re: That makes sense, posted by Deneb on May 24, 2009, at 20:09:19
The workshop was at the party? Or the bachelorette party went to someplace where the workshop was held?
I have never gone to a responsible and educational bachelorette party before. I've gone to a male strip show, and I've gone to an "adult" book store. Which was educational I guess...
Posted by Deneb on May 24, 2009, at 21:31:19
In reply to Re: That makes sense, posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 20:53:43
We had dinner then we walked to this adult store that is for women. The lady there gave a workshop on sex. It went over safer sex and techniques and stuff. Then we looked around the store because we got 10% off.
I bought my first erotic book of short stories, "The Mammoth Book of Erotica". I couldn't resist reading a bit of it at work. LOL I made sure not to get caught. I am so bad. LOL It is interesting. I am learning what stories I am into and what I am not into. The book has a lot of stories so hopefully I will like some of them. So far the first story was a real turn off. I don't find cheating a turn on. There are some pretty famous authors in the book so I hope some of it will be good.
Posted by Cass on May 24, 2009, at 23:18:54
In reply to My Mom is weird about sex, posted by Deneb on May 23, 2009, at 22:49:58
I think your mom probably doesn't have a sex drive because if she did she would know that masturbation and sex are natural and inevitable activities. Most people's drives are too strong to repress, and when sex isn't available, it's masturbation. When a person is really horny, there's no way around it. They don't need an instruction manual or permission, they just do it. Or else your mother does have a sex drive and she just feels so ashamed of it she can't talk about it. In any case, it's sad.
Posted by Phillipa on May 24, 2009, at 23:57:38
In reply to Re: My Mom is weird about sex » Deneb, posted by Cass on May 24, 2009, at 23:18:54
I feel a lot has to do with upbringing as I was taught by my Mother that sex was dirty and to never ever touch myself. I was about 4 and was playing with another little girl a harmless game involving sex told my Mother and was never allowed to play with her again. I was terrified of sex. That's all I'm saying. Love Phillipa
Posted by Sigismund on May 26, 2009, at 2:51:19
In reply to My Mom is weird about sex, posted by Deneb on May 23, 2009, at 22:49:58
>I offered her use of my vibrator
O my goodness.
My personal belief is that parents and their offspring should not bother to talk about sex (although I did).
Neither party enjoys the experience.
Posted by Sigismund on May 26, 2009, at 2:54:19
In reply to Re: My Mom is weird about sex, posted by Sigismund on May 26, 2009, at 2:51:19
>Neither party enjoys the experience
My daughter asked me in the shower how it all worked so I told her.
She said 'That's really gross'.
Posted by DG77 on May 26, 2009, at 16:05:41
In reply to Re: That makes sense » Deneb, posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 19:59:19
>Picturing one's mother masturbating is enough to turn one off for life.
LOL! Or picturing our parents doing the very thing that led to us being here...
Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2009, at 16:46:15
In reply to Re: That makes sense, posted by DG77 on May 26, 2009, at 16:05:41
> LOL! Or picturing our parents doing the very thing that led to us being here...
Ah, well my parents most definitely did not do that. At least not in my lifetime. :)
Posted by DG77 on May 27, 2009, at 14:10:00
In reply to Re: That makes sense » DG77, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2009, at 16:46:15
> > LOL! Or picturing our parents doing the very thing that led to us being here...
>
> Ah, well my parents most definitely did not do that. At least not in my lifetime. :)
>I'll make that same claim once I figure out another way to account for my younger sibling. :)
Posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2009, at 21:30:51
In reply to Re: That makes sense, posted by DG77 on May 27, 2009, at 14:10:00
I didn't want to tell you before but nows the time your sibling was found under a cabbage leaf in the garden. Love Phillipa ps a watermelon seed was swallowed by mistake. That's how babies are made. I hope don't get banned for discussing baby making.
Posted by desolationrower on May 31, 2009, at 4:09:29
In reply to Re: That makes sense » DG77, posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2009, at 21:30:51
hm something about conservative outlook, like your mom seems to have, is that there is a stronger emphasis on trusting authority, so if she says something about how you should do something, its not that its necessarily about what will work or make you happy, but of trying to help you follow the 'rules' (not that book 'the rules'). and also conservative outlook has a lot of emphasis on 'purity/cleanliness' which leads to things like thinking sex=dirty. maybe that helps understand her.
-d/r
Posted by Elanor Roosevelt on June 2, 2009, at 0:20:25
In reply to I think Mom grew up with sex taboo, posted by Deneb on May 24, 2009, at 1:17:34
your mom is low on dopamine
no reward system
This is the end of the thread.
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