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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2006, at 23:10:34
Is it satisfying? What if it leaves you with no room to maneuver effectively in order to accomplish anything?
gg
Posted by Adrift on June 30, 2006, at 23:22:18
In reply to Is standing on a principle a good thing?, posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2006, at 23:10:34
> Is it satisfying? What if it leaves you with no room to maneuver effectively in order to accomplish anything?
>
> ggI struggle with the same predicament a lot of times. I believe that if it interferes with your 'life' too much, then it is not always a good principle to hold on to for 'you'. It may be a good principle, but not benificial for you. You know?
Posted by Glydin on June 30, 2006, at 23:36:59
In reply to Is standing on a principle a good thing?, posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2006, at 23:10:34
Good question.
For me, it depends on the principle I'm standing on/for. Some things are unyielding to me but others I assumed I was so firm on and had all the good reasons for it for me, sometimes, I open my mind a bit and wonder.
Posted by Racer on June 30, 2006, at 23:59:41
In reply to Is standing on a principle a good thing?, posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2006, at 23:10:34
OK, serious answer?
I'm with Glydin -- there are some things that are inviolable. You know what they are for you. Is it, "don't kick puppies?" "Never vote Republican?" "Be kind to everyone, because you can?" "Never get involved in a land war in Asia?" They're different for everyone, but there are always some things that just aren't negotiable.
Otherwise, it probably depends on the situation, you know? If sticking to your principles gives you no room to maneuver, then it probably won't be all that satisfying. If it's not on your list of Inviolates, then it might be worth considering where and how much you're willing to compromise.
But whatever you do, don't get involved with a Sicilian in a battle of wits when death is on the line...
xoxo
Posted by Phillipa on July 1, 2006, at 11:49:41
In reply to Depends on how much room there is on top... » gardenergirl, posted by Racer on June 30, 2006, at 23:59:41
Unfortunately I can be convinced to go against my principals unless it would hurt someone. Love phillipa
Posted by madeline on July 1, 2006, at 14:41:23
In reply to Depends on how much room there is on top... » gardenergirl, posted by Racer on June 30, 2006, at 23:59:41
too funny! I love the princess bride.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:03:17
In reply to Re: Is standing on a principle a good thing? » gardenergirl, posted by Adrift on June 30, 2006, at 23:22:18
> I struggle with the same predicament a lot of times. I believe that if it interferes with your 'life' too much, then it is not always a good principle to hold on to for 'you'. It may be a good principle, but not benificial for you. You know?
I think I know what you mean. I know I've argued with people in various settings over principles before, when in the end, it really didn't matter. And it got me riled up and took time. But it's hard when you feel strongly about something in the face of pressure to act outside of that principle.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:05:14
In reply to Re: Is standing on a principle a good thing? » gardenergirl, posted by Glydin on June 30, 2006, at 23:36:59
> Good question.
>
> For me, it depends on the principle I'm standing on/for. Some things are unyielding to me but others I assumed I was so firm on and had all the good reasons for it for me, sometimes, I open my mind a bit and wonder.I think it does depend on the principle and what it means to you. I think it's good to open your mind and wonder, because then one can see beyond what (I picture a platform) you are standing on to perhaps greener pastures or different views.
But boy, do I have a stubborn streak sometimes. :)
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:12:28
In reply to Depends on how much room there is on top... » gardenergirl, posted by Racer on June 30, 2006, at 23:59:41
> OK, serious answer?
>
> I'm with Glydin -- there are some things that are inviolable. You know what they are for you. Is it, "don't kick puppies?" "Never vote Republican?"Well, actually...don't tell my husband. (shhh), but that one is violable. Depends on the candidate.
"Never get involved in a land war in Asia?"
What??? And fall victim to one of the classic blunders??? Never!
>They're different for everyone, but there are always some things that just aren't negotiable.
I agree. I think it's hard to tell, though, what can be negotiable if you look at it from another view, as Glydin said.
> Otherwise, it probably depends on the situation, you know? If sticking to your principles gives you no room to maneuver, then it probably won't be all that satisfying. If it's not on your list of Inviolates, then it might be worth considering where and how much you're willing to compromise.
I absolutely agree with this. It's a bit like choosing your battles. And if the measure of success or satisfaction is getting your needs or goals met, then sometimes it's more effective to move off the principle to maneuver for what you need. At least that's how I view it. And for a preview of coming attractions....this is something covered in DBT skills. :)
>
> But whatever you do, don't get involved with a Sicilian in a battle of wits when death is on the line...Oh, I know better than that!
Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha-------------
Thud.Thanks for your thoughtful reply and for working TPB into it.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:13:28
In reply to Re: Depends on how much room there is on top..., posted by Phillipa on July 1, 2006, at 11:49:41
> Unfortunately I can be convinced to go against my principals unless it would hurt someone. Love phillipa
I'm not sure what you mean. Something like peer pressure?
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:16:47
In reply to Re: Depends on how much room there is on top... » Racer, posted by madeline on July 1, 2006, at 14:41:23
> too funny! I love the princess bride.
LOL. Ever wish you could put this message on your answering machine greeting?
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Or worse, you could have it repeat, over and over and over. ;)
gg
Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2006, at 9:53:34
In reply to Is standing on a principle a good thing?, posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2006, at 23:10:34
I *try* to be content with making my position clear and allowing others to have their own principles, and recognizing that it is possible for two different people to have equally valid principles to stand on, or that they order their principles differently.
But...
Sometimes it annoys the heck out of me that others don't grasp the wisdom of why I order my principles the way I do, or why I hold them. Especially if it is an ongoing situation. Ongoing situations are tough.
I *try* to view myself with a certain amount of detached humor at those times.
But...
Posted by Glydin on July 2, 2006, at 10:02:18
In reply to Re: Is standing on a principle a good thing? » Glydin, posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:05:14
> But boy, do I have a stubborn streak sometimes. :)
>
~~~ I can relate to that. (Smile)I find myself not keeping the idea of: as we age we get more set in our “ways”. The older I get, the more I appear to be less likely to be as firm. Okay, maybe, I’m still firm on a general belief but I’m better able to see how others could be able to draw the opposite conclusions. Maybe that’s good, maybe not, maybe it‘s situational valueism. I know my RL “circle of influence” are not swayed very much by my (or anyone’s) very good, rational, “discussions” that are contrary to their sensibilities. The discussions are a good catalyst perhaps, but any change comes from an internal move of thrashing it about and, maybe, even MORE, experiences and life events - and sometimes, the experiences and events have to be those of the big time life altering variety to effect a huge change. I’m not saying that we always stand on principle to change someone else’s but I know that has been my unattainable goal at times. Luckily, I’ve got folks who have strong opinions but are USUALLY, fairly respectful - sometimes, it get ugly, but not usually.
Maybe, it comes down to it being all internal to the individual - what is the cost versus benefit internally to self.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 11:01:20
In reply to gg, causing me to get all deep (grin) » gardenergirl, posted by Glydin on July 2, 2006, at 10:02:18
> Maybe, it comes down to it being all internal to the individual - what is the cost versus benefit internally to self.
I think that's exactly it. :)
gg
>
Posted by Racer on July 2, 2006, at 11:33:04
In reply to Re: Depends on how much room there is on top... » madeline, posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:16:47
> > too funny! I love the princess bride.
>
> LOL. Ever wish you could put this message on your answering machine greeting?
>
> "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
>
> Or worse, you could have it repeat, over and over and over. ;)
>
> gg
>
>My ex used to call me in the morning to wake me up, and that's what he'd say! I never knew where it came from until years later! (I didn't even know where he got his pet name for me: Princess Buttercup!)
Maybe we should make a TPB Club?
Oh, and My Husband, Mr Racer X, read my response to you and asked, "How many times did you manage to work The Princess Bride into that?" :-D
Posted by Phillipa on July 2, 2006, at 21:20:11
In reply to Re: Depends on how much room there is on top... » Phillipa, posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:13:28
gg people pleasing. Love Phillipa
Posted by Adrift on July 2, 2006, at 22:20:50
In reply to Re: Is standing on a principle a good thing? » Adrift, posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:03:17
> > I struggle with the same predicament a lot of times. I believe that if it interferes with your 'life' too much, then it is not always a good principle to hold on to for 'you'. It may be a good principle, but not benificial for you. You know?
>
> I think I know what you mean. I know I've argued with people in various settings over principles before, when in the end, it really didn't matter. And it got me riled up and took time. But it's hard when you feel strongly about something in the face of pressure to act outside of that principle.
>
> ggyes, Thats what I mean. I tend to be stubborn with my principles and it has led to me getting upset unnecessarily. But I did not mean to imply that something very important to you be ignored or put aside for someone else, not that I think you thought that :-). I strongly believe in standing up for what you believe.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 6, 2006, at 16:29:24
In reply to Re: Depends on how much room there is on top... » gardenergirl, posted by Phillipa on July 2, 2006, at 21:20:11
> gg people pleasing. Love Phillipa
Ah...that darned thing.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 6, 2006, at 16:32:38
In reply to Re: Depends on how much room there is on top... » gardenergirl, posted by Racer on July 2, 2006, at 11:33:04
TPB lovers unite!
Posted by gardenergirl on July 6, 2006, at 16:34:58
In reply to Re: Is standing on a principle a good thing? » gardenergirl, posted by Adrift on July 2, 2006, at 22:20:50
> yes, Thats what I mean. I tend to be stubborn with my principles and it has led to me getting upset unnecessarily. But I did not mean to imply that something very important to you be ignored or put aside for someone else, not that I think you thought that :-). I strongly believe in standing up for what you believe.
Yep, I agree. And right now I find myself trying to see just what size the particular principle I'm standing on is.
Take care,
gg
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