![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 39. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 1:47:41
I'm scared.
I'm scared I might have cancer. I can't handle things like this.
My fear comes in waves. Sometimes I forget about cancer and it goes away.
I have to think big...really big...universe big. I'm an insignificant speck of a speck. We're all going to die. The human species is going to die. Our reign on Earth is an infinitesimally small blip. We are like the bacteria on a single grain of sand on nearly endless stretches of sandy beach. We could get struck by a catastrophic meteor and it would make no difference to the universe.
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 13, 2006, at 3:39:31
In reply to I'm really anxious, I'm freaking out, posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 1:47:41
Deneb,
you awake?
wanna come hang out?I'm insomniac tonite.
I'll try to go back to bed in a little while.don't freak out. pet your hamster. Playing with a pet has been shown to reduce cortisol levels
-ll
Posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2006, at 12:01:54
In reply to Re: I'm really anxious, I'm freaking out » Deneb, posted by llrrrpp on June 13, 2006, at 3:39:31
Deneb do you feel better today? Or are you still sleeping. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 16:42:32
In reply to Re: I'm really anxious, I'm freaking out, posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2006, at 12:01:54
I feel better right now. Thanks.
I played with my hamster a bit. He's really quite tame, which is surprising considering he wasn't handled much in the pet store and just had a stressful moving experience.
He's sleeping now. Hamsters are noctural.
Deneb*
Posted by AuntieMel on June 13, 2006, at 17:54:56
In reply to I'm really anxious, I'm freaking out, posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 1:47:41
Deneb - I'm not going to tell you not to worry. I went through a scare myself, once, and I know what it is like.
But I *will* say that I know you are going to be just fine. I feel it.
Posted by Michael83 on June 13, 2006, at 19:02:00
In reply to I'm really anxious, I'm freaking out, posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 1:47:41
The ways things are going, the fear of illness is causing you more harm than the actual "potential" of an illness.
I would be more concerned about being so worried about things that may or may not happen.
Just try to relax, getting all worked up won't cure anything (if in fact there is anything that needs to be cured).
Most people with cancer survive. And you don't even know IF you have it.
Posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 19:14:00
In reply to Deneb......, posted by Michael83 on June 13, 2006, at 19:02:00
Thanks AuntieMel, Thanks Michael
I don't know why I'm so scared now. I've had the lump for 6 months now. I was really scared before I got my ultrasound results back 6 months ago. Then they came back saying a benign fibroadenoma so I stopped worrying about it for a while, until I started worrying again.
Worrying about this isn't doing any good, I know. I have to replace the worry with something more productive. That's what my pdoc told me.
Deneb*
Posted by Michael83 on June 13, 2006, at 19:37:13
In reply to Re: Deneb......, posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 19:14:00
So you have like a lump on the boob? I'm a guy, 22 years old, and I've had a strange lump on my "man boob" (lol) for about 4 years now and I had it checked out and "scanned" and it was nothing to worry about. I still have it to this day.
I didn't worry about it, and I was told by the doc that it's no big deal. 4 years (actually have been longer than that) later and I'm still alive, lol.
Not sure if you have anything like I had, but I knew it's not worth worrying about unless the docter tells you to start worrying.
I also have had this strange rock hard lump on my skull, and had it checked not. Not a big deal. It was called a "wen." I've had it since I was super little.
I'm fine and I'm sure you'll be fine. =)
Posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 20:27:37
In reply to Re: Deneb......, posted by Michael83 on June 13, 2006, at 19:37:13
> So you have like a lump on the boob?
Yeah, I have this oval approx. 9mm lump in my breast. I'm 24. I got an ultrasound 6 months ago and 2 months ago. Both say it's nothing to worry about, but I still worried about it so I got a needle stuck in it last Tues. Now I'm waiting to see if I have cancer.
> I'm a guy, 22 years old, and I've had a strange lump on my "man boob" (lol) for about 4 years now and I had it checked out and "scanned" and it was nothing to worry about. I still have it to this day.
I think it was a good idea to have it checked out. Even guys can get breast cancer. It's extremely rare, but it happens.
I'm really freaked out about possibly having a disease now. I'm scratching what is probably a mosquito bite and I'm thinking, "what if it's cancer?"
I feel like I need to be scanned head to toe and have all sorts of tests now. What if I have some disease I don't know about?
I hope I'm not turning into a hypochondriac.
I have to take care of my body from now on if I survive this.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 15, 2006, at 0:17:04
In reply to Re: Deneb...... » Michael83, posted by Deneb on June 13, 2006, at 20:27:37
I'm still waiting to see if I have cancer. I'm afraid to receive the results.
Why are so many stressful health things happening to me? First the lump, then the toothache, then this tremor thing and now the lump again.
My life is on hold while I wait to see if I have cancer.
If I have cancer, I don't know if I want to live through the treatments. Maybe I should kill myself instead, just get it over with instead of dying an agonizing death.
If I have cancer, I think I might hang myself. :-(
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of dying. I'm not as afraid of suicide. Suicide I can control.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 15, 2006, at 0:49:26
In reply to I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 15, 2006, at 0:17:04
I think I'm going to do it. I'm going to hang myself if I have cancer.
I can't bear fearing dying and going through treatments. I don't fear suicide.
I'm happy now. I got to meet Dr. Bob. I got to hug Dr. Bob. I'm OK with ending my life. I got to do the thing I wanted most, hug Dr. Bob. Silly me, this is making me cry.
I don't want to suffer in life. I can't bear it. I want to die a happy person. Please respect my decision.
I think death by hanging won't be so bad. Kids make a game out of "choking" themselves and passing out. Kids have died playing this game. They find it enjoyable. That's how I want to die. If kids find it enjoyable, it must not be painful or scary. That's how I want to die.
Deneb*
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 15, 2006, at 4:40:20
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *big trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 15, 2006, at 0:49:26
Deneb,
First, you won't hang yourself if its positive.. you WILL deal. Like all the other people who are cancer survivors in the world. Like my Mum, and my brother to name just two.
Secondly. You don't have cancer. Your doctors have already told you you don't have cancer, and this further test was only done at your insistence. The original test was very good, and is perfectly reliable at giving correct results.
At the moment you are catastrophising.. Try focusing on the fact that you don't have cancer, and that you are so very lucky to live somewhere where they will do the follow up test just to put your mind at rest. You say "the lump again" in your stressful life events.. When in fact, it hasn't returned, or got worse, but YOU made it important again.
Remember. You don't have cancer.. keep reminding yourself of that.
Nikki
Posted by Deneb on June 15, 2006, at 11:42:18
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *big trigger* » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on June 15, 2006, at 4:40:20
Thanks Nikki,
Your words comforted me, especially the, "You don't have cancer" part. Thanks for reminding me that my ultrasounds all showed a benign fibroadenoma.
I feel better right now. I have to concentrate on other things.
Deneb*
Posted by Kath on June 15, 2006, at 12:29:06
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on June 15, 2006, at 11:42:18
Good for you D.
Soooooo glad you latched on to the positive things that Nikki said.
I hope you're so proud of yourself because you deserve to be!!!!!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy you!!!!!!! (((((((D))))))
luv, Kath
Posted by Deneb on June 19, 2006, at 2:35:08
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious » Deneb, posted by Kath on June 15, 2006, at 12:29:06
I'm getting scared again, it's been almost 13 days since I got poked. I still haven't heard anything from them. I don't know if that's a good sign or what. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and ask.
Meanwhile I'm thinking of death, dying and whether or not there is an afterlife. I think death is nothingness, that it is like before we were born.
I'm thinking about the nature of time and space, about our universe and it's fate. Yeah, I'm thinking *big*.
I'm trying to comes to terms with death by putting it into the context of cosmology. LOL
I like cosmology. I like thinking about our universe, super string theory, M-theory, quantum mechanical weirdness, the theories of relativity and other mind boggling stuff. (Don't get me to explain them though, I just read about them in popular science books. LOL)
It comforts me to know that we are probably insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I like to think that humans are not special beings.
Anyone else take comfort in these thoughts?
This sort of thinking comforts me, but it isn't all that productive! It basically means that I can do absolutely nothing in this life and be no different than the person who achieved everything...because we are all insignificant.
I like to believe that nothing we do in this life means anything in the grand scheme of things.
LOL I'm sure there's a reason why no religions take these views. Society would cease to function if everyone did nothing or anything they wanted!
Deneb*
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 19, 2006, at 9:41:00
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious, posted by Deneb on June 19, 2006, at 2:35:08
Deneb,
I really DO think you are okay.
> I'm getting scared again, it's been almost 13 days since I got poked. I still haven't heard anything from them. I don't know if that's a good sign or what. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and ask.
Honestly, the thought that I'm "not" special and my life has no meaning is NOT a comforting thought to me!
> It comforts me to know that we are probably insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I like to think that humans are not special beings.
>
> Anyone else take comfort in these thoughts?
>
> This sort of thinking comforts me, but it isn't all that productive! It basically means that I can do absolutely nothing in this life and be no different than the person who achieved everything...because we are all insignificant.
>
> I like to believe that nothing we do in this life means anything in the grand scheme of things.Deneb, why don't you get some books on the major religions of the world or even the "bibles" of each and read them? You might find it interesting.
MB
> LOL I'm sure there's a reason why no religions take these views. Society would cease to function if everyone did nothing or anything they wanted!
>
> Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 12:23:24
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious » Deneb, posted by MidnightBlue on June 19, 2006, at 9:41:00
I just read more about breast cancer and suffering is unacceptable to me. I don't want surgery or chemo or anything.
If I have cancer, I'm going to kill myself.
I've thought about death a lot, I think I'm at peace with death.
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 12:46:23
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 12:23:24
Hi Deneb*
When is the last time that you called the clinic that's doing your test?If it's been more than 8 hours, I think it's time to call them again. Give them some grief. Keeping you waiting is not cool, you deserve better.
-ll
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 12:57:10
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 12:46:23
I called the surgeon's office yesterday and they said they hadn't received anything yet. The receptionist told me it takes about two weeks for the results to come in. She told me they'll probably be in this week.
I may not have long to live.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 13:22:20
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 12:57:10
I'm freaking out again. I wish I had some Ativan.
I'm freaking out!
Posted by B2chica on June 20, 2006, at 14:00:13
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 13:22:20
Deeeep breaths Deneb.
grab your dr.bob doll and haang tight. i Hate waiting for test results from docs offices. and llrrrpp's right, give them another call again. if nothing else they'll maybe get the hint that you really needing the results as SOOn as they get them. sometimes it even sits on their desks for way too long. hopefully they are responsive to you.just remember, you don't have the results yet. then, once you do you can deal with the results no matter what they are. one day at a time deneb. i know it doen'st make things easier. but we're behind you 100%.
rent a movie that you haven't yet seen 10 times...
a good comedy.
i know, not much for advice...but i just watned to say something.
cares (((((((Deneb))))))))b2c.
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 14:51:34
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger* » Deneb, posted by B2chica on June 20, 2006, at 14:00:13
I hate this so much. Every time the phone rings I think it might be my death sentence.
I would really prefer to live, but I'm not sure I can handle the suffering if I have cancer.
I hate this. I want to be in a coma until this nightmare is over.
Can't handle this!
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 15:07:23
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 14:51:34
Deneb, time for you to get out of the house for a while. Can you go on a walk? go to a cafe or a bookstore?
go try on some shoes?
distraction is good. almost as good as coma, but much fewer sideeffects.
i you can't go out, wake buttertart up from his afternoon nap and cuddle him a little bit.
Think of Dr. Bob. He would be really sad if you got hurt. He's a doctor, so he knows that cancer is not a death sentence, even if you don't. Think of how he hugged you, and how good it feels to be alive. Think of how many nice people will be sad if Deneb* gets hurt. I would be really sad. I think you're peachy. You're worried, but you can be worried without getting catastrophic, I think. Can you try at least, for me? for Buttertart? He's going to need you, even if you have cancer. He doesn't care. He just needs a loving human :)
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Deneb)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 15:24:37
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 15:07:23
I couldn't stand it, I called them and I got the doctor on the phone immediately. The results were inconclusive. :-( I'm crying as I type this. Inconclusive.
The doctor gave me the choice of doing nothing (because he thinks it's nothing), doing the fine needle aspiration again (which is likely to be inconclusive again), a core needle biopsy (a more invasive biopsy where they nick your skin and use a device that slices out a tube of tissue) or to have the lump removed. He suggested the core needle thing so that's what I'm having done.
I *hate* this soooo much. More waiting. I can't stand this! More painful tests.
I'm going to lose it. I just know I'm going to lose it.
Buttertart is sleeping. I'm so upset right now... I don't want to do this anymore.
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 20, 2006, at 17:18:11
In reply to They got my results back, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 15:24:37
Deneb,
Take a deep breath. It is okay. It is just going to take a bit longer to PROVE it is okay! FNB's don't always get enough cells. You can do this.
MidnightBlue
> I couldn't stand it, I called them and I got the doctor on the phone immediately. The results were inconclusive. :-( I'm crying as I type this. Inconclusive.
>
> The doctor gave me the choice of doing nothing (because he thinks it's nothing), doing the fine needle aspiration again (which is likely to be inconclusive again), a core needle biopsy (a more invasive biopsy where they nick your skin and use a device that slices out a tube of tissue) or to have the lump removed. He suggested the core needle thing so that's what I'm having done.
>
> I *hate* this soooo much. More waiting. I can't stand this! More painful tests.
>
> I'm going to lose it. I just know I'm going to lose it.
>
> Buttertart is sleeping. I'm so upset right now... I don't want to do this anymore.
>
>
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