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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by verne on May 8, 2006, at 8:13:40
How did it go? The father pleading with Professor Higgins, "I want you, I need you", blah, blah, blah (insert a British accent)
I can't even remember the details of the encounter between father and professor, perhaps I don't remember it correctly. Just that I remember the father saying something like, "I want you to believe me".
I'm drinking. trying to minimize it, afterall my daughter is getting married in two weeks. Nothing major planned but still something that has turned into a minor reception. No big fanfare, they don't want that. Unorthodox I guess.
Why did I suddenly think about the father in "My Fair Lady"?
verne
Posted by verne on May 8, 2006, at 8:13:40
In reply to My Fair Lady, posted by verne on May 8, 2006, at 4:47:38
I'm blind drunk and probably blocked for a post over on political.
Before I'm gone, (not that I'm that significant) I wish I could find my long lost love. Her parents were born in Hiroshima, she grew up in LA, went to college in Oregon, and later lived in Seattle. She's japanese. (Geez this is a full-blown midlife crisis)
She lived on University Way in Seattle in the same building that housed Bruce Lee's studio.
I guess it's sad I want to go back. I'm in such emotional pain and joy at the same time.
I'm expressing myself here yet I'm trying to leave this place. I hate this place. I'd trade this for finding Janet (American name). Of course, she's probably married, changed her last name, highly sucessful, and long forgotten about me.
I hate this place and I'm just signing off before I'm blocked. I really don't know why.
vbleeh
Posted by verne on May 8, 2006, at 8:13:41
In reply to Re: My Fair Lady, posted by verne on May 8, 2006, at 5:07:39
Oops, I guess this wasn't as administrative as Dr Bob's photo.
I'm hoping for a really long block - years really.
any true, long-lost, loves can find me in Fairfield, Iowa.
This is the last *problem* site I still can't quite avoid. So a block would be a "good thing".
I'm so ready for REAL LIFE. GOODBYE.
love verne
Posted by Phillipa on May 8, 2006, at 13:32:56
In reply to Left Hand Corner, posted by verne on May 8, 2006, at 5:25:24
Well I have your E-mail address. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on May 9, 2006, at 16:33:59
In reply to Left Hand Corner, posted by verne on May 8, 2006, at 5:25:24
Hey Verne, I don't know if you're coming back or not, but I wanted to say I hope things get better for you. I'm sorry you've had a rough time on this site.
Its so easy to misinterpret things when you can't hear someone's voice or see their facial expressions. I think we should have something specific we can say when we think someone's being uncivil to us. Like, "Rephrase request" or "Unclear" or "Say what?". I don't know, just something easy that everyone will understand. That way we can give each other a chance to explain. Maybe I'm just naive to think that would work, I don't know. I just hate to see people get all upset.
-T
Posted by verne on May 9, 2006, at 17:09:10
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner » verne, posted by TexasChic on May 9, 2006, at 16:33:59
Hi,
I just need to quit drinking (forever) and replace it with constructive, uplifting stuff like meditation, spiritual reading, yoga, borderline manual course, and reconnecting to a real-life community.
I always get upset on one level or another when I drink. It's no fun at all. I told my daughter that part of my wedding gift to her would be to stop drinking (that means for good) Of course, I'll need to work at it. Church, small groups, even AA possibly. My mother once traded my sister and me (I was about six years old) for a six-pack so I wonder whether my promise will hold up.
Of course, what I really want to do is get to the point where I can get into some yoga classes and meet my yoga soulmate. I think I'm going backwards spiritually with goals like that, be that's where I'm at right now.
How my view may change after a few weeks, months of sobriety. That's why they say don't relocate, get into a relationship, or do anything major in the first year of sobriety.
Anyway, I'm trying to quit this site along with a few other habits. I've done everything I can do to shame myself into leaving. I make half-baked attempts to get myself blocked. I embarrass myself, tork others off, and just seem to bury myself even further.
Verne
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 9, 2006, at 22:37:09
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner, posted by verne on May 9, 2006, at 17:09:10
> How my view may change after a few weeks, months of sobriety. That's why they say don't relocate, get into a relationship, or do anything major in the first year of sobriety.
>
> Anyway, I'm trying to quit this site along with a few other habits.So, verne, get sober. Wait a year. Then decide if you're quitting Babble. You'll otherwise be violating the one year rule, eh?
Lar
Posted by verne on May 9, 2006, at 22:44:45
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner » verne, posted by Larry Hoover on May 9, 2006, at 22:37:09
Larry, you have me there. I guess I could add Babble, to the plant and pet I need to keep alive a year before I'm allowed to get into a relationship or relocate.
My source for the above rule (somewhat revised) is the movie "28 Days"
verne
Posted by James K on May 9, 2006, at 22:54:20
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner, posted by verne on May 9, 2006, at 17:09:10
I had a hard time coming back here after being away for a while. I decided to come back because I think my real problem was the same problems I have here in the world, I have confrontations or say things I regret, and have embarrassment and want to hide rather than face up.
And it is hard to forget what I did yesterday or two or three days ago when I'm not drunk all the time. But the people here mean something to me, and I have to learn how to get along again. I want to be back at work, and my fuse had gotten too short. That's why I can live with the civility rules for instance (not every aspect, but the concept) I need to relearn those skills of thinking and then not taking the most immediate satisfying way out. I got used to people deferring to me or being careful around me, but then it went too far and got me fired.
I say all that to say this to you verne, if you get sober, you may want or enjoy the support here in addition to the local stuff you'll have going on. I intend to try and make the most of it. This place and these people were here for me at a low point, and I want to be here for others as I get stronger. Most memories are shorter or more forgiving than we drinkers'.
I'm not trying to start or join a "please stick around verne club", but I do enjoy your posts. so no offense.
James k
Posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2006, at 16:22:35
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner, posted by verne on May 9, 2006, at 17:09:10
Well first and foremost, you have to do what's best for you. So if Babble is triggering for you and you think you need to leave, then that's what you should do. But for the record, we would miss you.
-T
Posted by verne on May 10, 2006, at 18:55:35
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner » verne, posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2006, at 16:22:35
I guess I'm having a mini nervous breakdown. I let my zen southern baptist preacher/computer whiz friend talk me into a barbeque for my daughter's wedding reception. From now on, he will be known as "barbeque guy". Let it be written, let it be so.
I then promised my daughter I would never drink again as part of the wedding gift. Now I realize I can't do either, I'm letting everyone down, and I'm back to basically not wanting to wake up in the morning.
Hospital isn't an option. I just need time-out from weddings and barbeques. My meds are right. I finally have klonopin for anxiety which I'm not using today of course. Starting to get out of my comfort zone and go to church (3 Sundays in a row) and want to get involved in spiritual small group courses.
Now I have to disappoint my daughter. I've already blown the "no drink" promise (that was expected I guess) and now I'm reneging on the reception party. I really think I can make it through this without hospitalization if my daughter and the rest of them would understand and give me lots of space.
I can't deal with any sort of "celebration" because I so deeply don't enjoy anything as it is. If I pretend to enjoy something, I almost have a fit later - a kind of backlash.
I just can't believe I've managed to survive this long. I have one iron-core constitution and will to live I guess.
I know things would be different if I could get off the booze for an extended time. I can't keep drinking every 7-10 days (sometimes sooner, sometimes I make it a month or two). I used to put months and even a couple years of sobriety together.
Another reason I can't drink is I don't want to blow the klonopin prescription. Benzos work and unlike booze, don't jack my blood pressure and just about kill me. And they don't lead to drinking either (this is an anomaly) Benzos don't equal drinking in my case. In fact, I managed to go 2 years without drinking while on librium. I think klonopin is a lot cleaner and more promising. I would always get sort of flushed after taking librium - like a hint of niacin. There's no body load with klonopin. Not flashy, no high, no side effects. I'm on too low a dose (0.5 twice a day or as needed) but still think it will make a difference.
Off to play high stakes poker I guess. Last time I drank I increased my table stake 15x in six hours at a limit game. I really should turn pro but I can't play unless I drink and I know where that leads. I've been good about not doing any actual gambling for years, limiting myself to "fantasy sports" and token games. By not *gambling*, I won $1,550.00 last year.
I'm good at anything involving probability and predicting what others in the game will do given the odds, situation, and their past behavior. Except I need to be heavily medicated for all but the most beneign games. I can't play in a casino or go to a track anymore. And I draw the line with online *casino" gambling. Funny, how a nice chunk of credit card fraud can be traced back to these off-shore virtual casinos. I mean, you lose *twice*.
So I'm off to silly token play where I can turn them in later for real money.
verne
Posted by ClearSkies on May 10, 2006, at 19:04:36
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner, posted by verne on May 10, 2006, at 18:55:35
Oh, Verne. Can I take away your stick so you can stop beating yourself up with it? I'm pretty sure you stole mine, anyway.
Anxiety
and
livingdon't go well together. A wedding, a wedding reception - the promises we make and want so much to keep, the disappointment in ourselves when we can't keep them (pls see Writing board on "self hate").
You are trying to do all this on your own. You know what you want to do (get outside and with with people more, do something lovely for your daughter, live sober), but you think you have to do this all by yourself. No no no. We are all in the same peed-in pool together. All that one day at a time stuff, well the words made me grind my teeth together. But chop your day into manageable parts. And then check in with us. We all want you to feel better, Verne.
( ---------------- verne---------------- )
(That's hugging you wearing a hulahoop)
Posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2006, at 19:21:38
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner » verne, posted by ClearSkies on May 10, 2006, at 19:04:36
It sounds as if you're promising more than you can possibly keep, setting yourself up for failure. Maybe you can just promise to do the best you can on each given day. That's all any of us can really do anyway.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2006, at 19:31:08
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner verne, posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2006, at 19:21:38
T yup Every night I say oh I'm going to this or that and then the day comes and I just can't. Now I'm trying to baby steps approach again. I think it works. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on May 10, 2006, at 21:04:02
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner, posted by verne on May 10, 2006, at 18:55:35
Hi Verne
My daughter is only 16 and already for a year or two I have been imagining the reception, the speeches, the father of the bride thing, the handshakes, (and as you can imagine)the drinking. Truly, this is major stress to certain types of people. I have problems with public occasions of any sort at which I need to do anything; I need irony and space or I feel in danger of some kind of wipeout.
Declan
Posted by Jai Narayan on May 12, 2006, at 21:39:06
In reply to Re: Left Hand Corner » verne, posted by James K on May 9, 2006, at 22:54:20
you both are very special and delightful people.
my best to you both
Jai Narayan
This is the end of the thread.
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